All Vampire
by Covee
Summary: As opposed to All Human. Bella's move to Forks goes wrong on Day 1, when she almost dies before she even makes it home. Carlisle saves her at the last minute. How will Bella deal with life as a vampire when she has no preparation for it? And how will Edward react to the newest member to their family? This is a slow burn fic, and is alternatively titled: Shameless Emotional Whiplash
1. Chapter 1

**AN Hello everyone! This is my new story, All Vampire. I always see AH fics, and I thought it would be fun to make one AV, so here's what happened. I don't really know how long this is going to be... it's already streched out quite a bit, I think. **  
**Anyway, enjoy!**

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Bella:

When I landed in Port Angeles, where Charlie would pick me up to drive me back to Forks, it was snowing. Of course it was. It couldn't even have just been raining, like I'd expected it to be– it had to be snowing. Charlie was waiting to pick me up in his police cruiser. We made some uncomfortable small talk, but Charlie was very concentrated on the road.

"Does it snow like this a lot up here?" I asked. The sky was really falling on us today, and I wondered if this was the sort of thing I would be dealing with all the time now. If Charlie was worried about driving in this weather, I probably didn't stand a chance.

"No, not like this. Snows sometimes, but usually the rain washes it away," he explained. _Great_, I though. _Rain._

Charlie was driving pretty slow, and he had his fog lights on. I don't think it was making much of a difference, though. I could barely see twenty feet in front of us. Charlie and I had stopped talking, and I couldn't decide of the silence was uncomfortable or not. I was playing with the hem of my shirt when the car was suddenly filled with light. Metal screeched. I looked up and saw, clouded by the torrent of snow, the headlights of another car, only for a second

Carlisle:

Driving home from the hospital was difficult in the storm, even for me. I didn't dare drive too fast– reflexes be damned, my car could skid and I could hurt someone. I wished I could have run home, but someone at the hospital would have noticed if my car stayed overnight when I hadn't. I was coming to a particularly blind curve when I smelled metal and oil. I knew the smell of an accident too well, and I searched for it. Of course, it was right in the middle of the sharp wind in the road. A green jeep had collided with a police cruiser– a police cruiser I recognized as Chief Swan's car. But what had he been doing out in the woods?

My question was answered immediately when I got out of my car and saw the girl bleeding profusely in his passenger seat. As far as I could tell, Chief Swan and his daughter were still alive. The man driving the jeep, apparently without the need of a seatbelt, had been thrown from his car and laid dead in the snow. I checked the girl first. The jeep was so far off course, it had struck primarily on her side of the car. I could tell immediately that she wasn't going to make it. Her heart barely had a beat and she had lost far too much blood. She probably wouldn't even make it to the hospital. Chief Swan was a different story. He was knocked out cold, but his airbag had saved him, provided he made it out of the snow. I reached into my pocket to call an ambulance when the Chief groaned.

"Don't worry, I'm going to get you help," I told him.

He was certainly only a fragment conscious, but his head was facing his daughter and he feebly tried to reach for her. "No," he sobbed. "Please, no." His arm dropped and he was unconscious again.

I looked at the girl who was certain to die, and I wished more than anything that there were something I could do for her. _There is_, some part of my mind whispered.

_No_, I thought. _I can't do that_. But I was torn. I looked at her; she was so fragile and pale. For some reason, she reminded me of Edward when I first met him. I couldn't place the similarity. Perhaps it was that they were both dying, or that their parents called for their life when they were on death's doorstep themselves. I heard her heartbeat slow even more, nearing it's final beat, and I was suddenly filled with a sort of dread. What would my life be like if I hadn't changed Edward? Why was I given the power to save people if I only ever turned by back on them?

Her heart stopped, and the moment I was too late, I felt such regret. Suddenly, and out of nowhere, I heard it flutter up again. A few frantic beats, willing her to live. This was a sign– I knew it. And I wouldn't ignore it.

I bit.

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**So this is just the intro, really. Hopefully, the next chapter will be longer :)**  
**I'm bad at proofreading my own stuff, honestly, so feel free to let me know if you found a spelling/grammar error.**

**I try to respond to every review, so feel free to leave one. Like almost every other author, I find them to be good motivation :)**

**~Covee**


	2. Chapter 2

**A/N Chapter two! Thank you everyone who reviewed and I hope you enjoy this just as much :)**

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Edward:

I heard Carlisle's thoughts before his car even hit the drive. It was more or less a stream of doubt. He was grappling with a decision he'd made, though he knew it was too late to change it. I heard a scream through his mind, and I saw through his eyes when he turned to the back seat and glanced at the writhing girl back there.

I jumped up from my place on the armchair, my book fell to the ground.

"What?" Jasper asked, sensing my sudden shock. He and Alice were on the sofa, her head in his lap while he toyed with her hair.

Alice sat up slowly, seeing now what would come. Carlisle would walk into the house, carrying the blood-soaked girl. I would attack them for some reason. She couldn't see why.

"Are you sure?" I asked her. Her vision went further. I'd cause an all-out brawl with the family. It made no sense.

"One-hundred percent. Get out of the house," she ordered. I wanted to disagree. I wanted to tell her that there was no way I'd fight Carlisle or any of the family. But there was no point in questioning Alice at this point. She didn't always know why, but she always knew what, and when she barked orders, I knew better than to ignore her.

"What's going on?" Rose asked, hearing the strange exchange and coming down the stair with Emmett at her heels.

Esme also joined us, leaving the bills and paperwork she'd been addressing in the dining room.

"Everyone has to remain calm," Alice said. "The future isn't really clear, but some things are certain." She turned to our sister, "You're not going to like this, Rosalie, but please, we can talk it over."

Rose was suddenly glaring. "What won't I like?"

Instead of answering, Alice turned back to me. "I said GO!"

I nodded, and I ran out of the back door and across our lawn. Carlisle's car was halfway to the house now, and I could hear in the thoughts of my family that they could hear the girl screaming too.

"HE. DID. **NOT**," Rosalie shrieked. I wondered if maybe she should have left the house too.

Esme:

I didn't want to believe it, but I could hear someone screaming from here. _Carlisle wouldn't do it_, I thought. But maybe he would. I knew he had resolved to never turn another person, but maybe something compelling had changed his mind. He was too compassionate for his own good, sometimes.

Rosalie was already yelling, "HE CAN'T DO THIS TO US! HE PROMISED! HE PROMISED HE'D NEVER–!"

Emmett was trying to calm her down. He pulled her into his arms, and she fought to break away for a second, but when she realized it was futile, she slumped against him. "He promised. He _promised_."

"I know, Rosie. I know." Emmett said soothingly.

Jasper, though quiet, was equally unhappy. Maybe he was siphoning some of Rosalie's anger, but I knew him well enough to know that he was thinking about our cover. Jasper was always hyper-aware of the repercussions of any action, and he was obviously calculating this one.

Alice was rubbing her temples. The future must be such a jumble for her. I wanted to ask her when Edward would return, but I didn't want to give her another thing to look for now.

The car was at the garage, now, and I heard Carlisle get out of the car and pick up the girl.

Alice was suddenly up. She ran upstairs, grabbed a handful of thick sheets, and shooed Jasper to lay them over the sofa where they'd been sitting. The second she was done, I heard Carlisle approach the door and ran to open it for him. He entered the house with a girl screaming in his arms. I had never seen such a pained look in his eyes. He placed the girl on the sheets Alice had laid out. The scent of her blood filled the room, and Jasper stiffened and stopped breathing.

Carlisle faced the family, and for a second, it was silent save for the screams of the girl.

Rosalie was the first to speak. "How _could_ you?"

He looked at her, and said earnestly, "I'm sorry." She wouldn't hear it. She forced her way out of Emmett's grasp and ran outside, Emmett following right after. Jasper went with them too, though I was sure it was thirst and not anger that forced him from our living room. Alice was the last to leave.

"I'm sorry, I think I just need air," she said, and she was gone too.

Now it was just me and Carlisle in our house. He opened his mouth to speak, but I embraced him before he could. "It's alright," I told him.

"I wish it were," he responded. He sighed and retuned my embrace. "Thank you," he breathed in my ear. Then he released himself from me. "I'm going to change my clothes and talk to the kids."

He ran up the stairs to our room. I was glad he would be out of those bloodstained clothes. I hoped he would feel better out of them, but knowing my Carlisle, he would probably still have guilt eating him from the inside out. Somehow, without my noticing, the girl had stopped screaming and started whimpering. She looked so pitiful, curled in the fetal position mewling how she was. I'd never seen a person changing give up on screaming so soon. Poor thing. I crouched by her on the sofa and ran my fingers through her hair. "I'm sorry, angel. It will all be over soon."

Edward:

One by one, my siblings joined me by the river. I had seen the whole thing through they're minds, and I still couldn't figure out why I was the greatest threat in the room. From what I saw, I would have guessed Rose would start the fight if there was one. My sibling were varying degrees of anger, worry, and disbelief. I was in Carlisle's head more than theirs, though. I wanted to figure out why he had done it. It didn't make any sense. After all this time, why now? Why this girl? Forks is one of the best places we'd ever lived. The weather was perfect, and the townsfolk had seemed to resign themselves to all the lies– which was rare. There was usually at least one person who was concerned that something was wrong with us. Not to mention, of all the places to break the treaty made with the werewolves ages ago, right under their descendants' noses was not so smart. Not that it mattered, really. All the wolves were dead and the new generation hadn't inherited the old genes, it seemed.

I idly worried that this was another attempt to bring me a mate, but I shook that thought from my head. I knew better than to baselessly assume that of my father, and his thoughts betrayed no such intentions.

Esme was so worried. She was afraid that this was going to tear the family apart, and I wasn't sure she was wrong. Not one of my siblings was anywhere near alright with the situation. Rose was a train wreck of anger and betrayal and bad memories. Emmett was angry for her, too. He couldn't believe that Carlisle would upset her like this. Alice couldn't quite get a grasp of the future, with everything changing so fast, but she too was upset that Carlisle had changed a person without consulting the family. Jasper was the most outraged, more so than Rose even, because he saw this as a threat to the family. Her disappearance would be investigated. The family could be facing scrutiny. And on top of that, a newborn was hard to control, and she would inevitably kill someone. If we didn't keep a close enough eye on her, she could expose us all and get us killed.

I tried to read the girl's mind, too, but the pain was too much for her, and her brain was so muddled that there wasn't even a single coherent thought to read.

After a minute or so, Carlisle and Esme left the house and approached us. He intended to apologize and listen to any grievances aired against him. He didn't think he really had the right to explain himself, and he didn't know that he could.

I saw the memory in his mind, and I felt sorry for him. His compassion had won over in a moment of weakness. The girl was surely going to die and he thought he'd received some sort of divine intervention.

Looking back, he was now realizing that divine intervention would not have wanted him to take the soul of an innocent girl.

When he was close enough to speak comfortably, Carlisle opened his mouth to begin his apology. But the wind shifted a fraction and I was suddenly off the rock and on my feet, frantic.

"What _is _that?" I demanded. The scent was faint, but even so my mouth was pooling with venom and my muscles were tensing. "Is that _her_?!" I asked, looking past my parents and into the French doors that led into our house. A part of me was thinking that I was faster than my family. I could get to her before any of them. But if they chased me I'd barely taste her blood before they ripped me off of her. But would they chase me? I'd be doing everyone a favor, getting rid of the biggest problem in our lives. Maybe they wouldn't even try to stop me.

Carlisle would, but I could get away from him. If I threw him before I ran, I would have enough of a head start.

"_Edward!"_ Alice shrieked.

I was suddenly brought back to the moment. I realized that this was the reason for the fight Alice had seen. If the traces of her scent that lingered were enough to make me consider attacking Carlisle, I could only imagine what being in the same room as her would do.

I was suddenly ashamed. How weak could I possibly be? This was pathetic. I tried to sit back down as nonchalantly as possible.

Esme looked worried. "What–?"

"Nothing," I grumbled, cutting her off. I knew I was being rude, and I tried to check my manners. "Sorry," I mumbled half-heartedly at my mother.

She was still concerned, but after a short mental debate, decided not to ask again.

Carlisle finally got on with his apology, but I couldn't focus on it. All I could think about was the girl– Isabella, Carlisle said in his speech. She was the chief's daughter who was supposed to move here today. Apparently there was some sort of collision.

Isabella. It was a nice name, if not a bit of a mouthful. I was sorry that she wouldn't get to live with her father like she had planned, and I wondered if she had been looking forward to it. All of the sudden, I felt so bad for her. I thought of the entire life she had stretched out in front of her. Human lives, though short, were so eventful. She would have grown up and gotten married and had kids and grandkids and jobs and friends and a whole life that she would now never see. How horrible for her to be stuck to this now. I personally never felt I'd missed much in my human life, and most of my family felt as though their lives were over anyway when they were changed and didn't regret it too much. But for the girl, Isabella, I was actually on the same page as Rosalie.

Vampirism was a hell of a sentence.

Carlisle was still talking. He explained that he called the ambulance for Chief Swan from the officer's own phone and faked his croaking voice. He wouldn't need to remember that when he woke up. People would speculate about where Isabella had gone, but he was sure most people would assume it was an animal before they thought someone had kidnapped a dead girl. Alice agreed with him on that, and Jasper was slightly mollified, though he still didn't like the idea of having a newborn around.

I wanted to assess the threat of her presence too, but I knew I wouldn't be able to until the venom faded and her mind cleared up.

I realized that I couldn't go back into the house until she was fully turned for worry of losing my mind even more than I had before. But how would I explain that to my siblings? I didn't want them to know just how weak I was. Perhaps if I hunted very frequently, and prepared myself mentally… Yes. Her scent only affected me so much because I hadn't been expecting it. I knew I could be in the house if I tried.

Carlisle wrapped up his apology, and overall, he was not forgiven. Rose sulked off to work on her car. Emmett hugged her hard then let her go.

I turned to Jasper. I heard him worrying about all that blood in the house. "Want to go catch a couple deer with me?" I asked him.

He sighed. _Of course, the second blood comes up, I have to double down on hunting_, he thought disdainfully. "Sure," he said aloud. Little did he know, _I_ was the one who needed the extra precaution.

Alice kissed him lightly goodbye, and we ran off into the woods together.

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**A/N Edward thinks too much. Writing from his point of view immediately takes like, three times as long :/**

**Again, I don't proofread well, so if you see anything, let me know!**


	3. Chapter 3

**Okay, so for everyone who was there for the whole 'skipping from Chapter two to Chapter five' thing, sorry!**

**When writing, I pretty much skimmed over chapter four because I wanted to write chapter five because five was more fun. Then I accidentally posted five instead of three! Oops!  
So now, four isn't done yet, but I'll put it up as soon as it is! For those of you who have already read chapter five, let's just call it an exclusive sneak peek.**

**This is chapter three this time! I promise!**

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Edward:

Jasper and I had taken down a few deer apiece when he suggested we go back. It was only a few hours after we'd left, and I agreed half-heartedly. I really didn't want to face the lure of Isabella's blood, but I knew I couldn't put it off forever.

Jasper was suddenly angry. "You know what, Edward. This is total bullshit. I know I'm the newest to the diet, but how about a little trust? Your apprehension is a little excessive, and honestly, I'm a little offended."

"Jazz, it's not you," I tried to explain.

"No. You guys are always telling me not to take it personally, but I'm not some out-of-control newborn who needs a leash!"

"Jazz! I actually _mean_ it's not you!" I stressed. Jasper was confused. He was trying to process my apprehension along with the new round of embarrassment and shame. I decided I'd better just tell him. "It's me. I'm worried that _I_ won't control myself, not you," I admitted.

"What, why?" he asked. Jasper had such a high opinion of my self-control, he didn't understand.

"Even just the trace of her scent made me crazy for a second there, back at the river."

"Is that what that was about?" he asked, remembering my bizarre behavior and Alice sharply calling me to attention.

"Yeah. I've never smelled anything like her before. I'm worried about being in the same room, especially if nobody has gotten rid of those bloody sheets yet."

"Alright, then. We'll take it slow. I got your back," he offered. I raised an eyebrow at him, and the thoughts he'd been trying to suppress came up. "Alright, fine. I'm also a little excited to not be the weakest link for ten minutes. So sue me."

I laughed, and I wondered if Jazz was influencing my good humor. "Either way, you won't be the weakest link for long after the girl wakes up."

Jazz laughed too. "Silver linings, right?"

Back at the house, almost everyone was silent. Rose was still under her convertible, and Emmett was in the garage with her, worrying about her. Emmett never worried about anything except Rosalie. It was one of the things that really reminded me that their relationship was not just shallow and physical. Alice was flipping through channels absentmindedly, but really worrying about the things she still couldn't see in the future. This sort of thing had happened with her visions before, especially when she had been looking for Jasper and then the family. The more she looked, the more things changed, and the more frustrated she got. Carlisle was sitting by Isabella's side– where she laid on fresh sheets, thank God. Someone had also had the good sense to change her out of her bloody clothes and into a white cotton dress. He was whispering to her that it would be okay if she just held on, and he was mentally reprimanding himself for lying to her. Esme was trying to go back to the quilting pattern she'd been working on, but she was really focusing on listening to the family. She was so afraid that this would split us up, and she hated the idea of any of her children leaving or being unhappy.

I approached Carlisle and the girl. I didn't really realize I'd been holding my breath until I spoke. "How is she?"

"Incoherent," Carlisle answered. "They all are at the beginning." _At least she hasn't gotten to the begging for death stage yet_, he added mentally. I knew that was the worst part for him.

I looked down at the whimpering girl. She looked overall disheveled and miserable. I was abruptly struck with a deep want to make everything better for her. I wanted to take Carlisle's place by her bedside telling her everything would be okay. For a moment, I understood why Carlisle felt he had to save this one.

That was weird. I hadn't noticed that after all this time Carlisle's compassion had rubbed off on me so thoroughly. I was a little self conscious of the urge– I was worried that Jasper had sensed it. But his attentions were entirely on Alice. He was producing calm for her, which she sorely needed. Alice presented herself as carefree- and she usually was, but when the future got tangled up, she got too stressed about it.

I tried not to, but my eyes left Jasper and Alice and returned almost of their own accord to Isabella. I was still holding my breath. I decided that there was no time like the present and steeled myself into place. I opened my mouth, thinking it would be easier than a breath through the nose, and inhaled.

Her scent was a wreaking ball to every one of my senses. Opening my mouth was the wrong decision. Her scent was a flavor on my tongue and a fire in my throat and a longing in every part of me. I _had_ to taste her. I _needed_ to.

Before I could move, I was hit with new emotions. Guilt, shame, and regret raked through me, and paused me long enough to remember that I _didn't_ want to drink her blood. I couldn't think where the emotions had come from in the heat of such a moment, until I heard Jasper's mental voice say, _You're welcome. And you were right. That _is _some serious bloodlust. You might want to take a minute outside_.

But I refused to be owned by this. With my senses back where they belonged I exhaled and inhaled again. The scent was just as strong, and more venom pooled in my mouth, but I refused to think about killing her. I continued to breathe in slow, even breaths.

_Seriously, this is some sick masochism_, Jasper thought. I knew he was right, but I was resolved not to admit it.

While I stood there breathing, Carlisle took a break from reassuring her and went to prepare his things for his next shift at the hospital. I sat where he had been, but I didn't speak to or touch the girl. On top of not wanting to ruin my control with physical contact, I knew that talking to her was pointless. Isabella was still in a place of pure pain and no thought. I felt bad for her. Even Rosalie and Emmett had a few well-phrased curses and cries of pain while they burned, even if only mentally. But then again, they also screamed so much longer. I wondered if maybe Isabella's thoughts were as slow as her father's. The Chief was a good man, but in the few times I'd been around him, there hadn't been too much knocking around in his head, and less of it was complete sentences.

As I stared at the girl, she opened her eyes and looked right at me. Her eyes were brown, but they were like no brown eyes I'd ever seen before. They looked so deep. Even with her face contorted in pain, her eyes looked like they were keeping secrets from me. There was so much they had to say, but I couldn't understand. Her eyes were a language I didn't speak. I wanted to keep looking, to pry the secrets from them, but after only a moment, she had closed them again.

The intensity of her gaze had startled me. There was obviously thought in there. Why couldn't I hear it? Why couldn't I read her mind?

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**Okay, so now I just need to finish Chapter four, and then I can post four (and repost five) really soon!**


	4. Chapter 4

**Okay everyone, here's Chapter four, finally done!**

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Bella:

The fire. There was nothing but the fire. It ate me from the inside out. At first I screamed. I screamed and screamed and screamed, but it was doing nothing. Maybe there was nothing to be done. When I stopped screaming, there were voices. I didn't catch everything they said. One called me an angel, was this somehow a penance I had to pay to get to heaven? It felt like hell, fire and all. Another voice spoke to me low and steady. He told me it would be okay. He told me over and over and over, and I didn't know if I could believe him. The fire didn't lessen over time, but I could notice other things. The low voice came and went, and he apologized every time he had to go. Maybe he was God. Maybe I _was_ dead. The other voices argued. A beautiful sounding, angry girl yelled at the low voice. She hated me, of that I was sure. If she was an angel, she was trying to keep me out of her paradise. There were other voices, but I didn't hear what they said, usually.

Sometimes, I would open my eyes. Everything looked blurry when I did, though, and I tried not to do it often. But I saw the man with the low voice sometimes when he spoke to me, and when the low voice was gone, I saw another person in his place– a beautiful boy. Once, I thought I saw the beautiful girl, too, but she was standing so far away.

After what must have been months, the low voice stopped just telling me everything would be okay and started telling me other things. I couldn't focus on all of it, but he told me he was sorry, that he had done this to me, and that I would wake up soon a whole new person. I wasn't sure that I wanted to be a new person, but I would take anything over the burning.

Finally, finally, after forever, the burning started to leave my fingers and my toes. I felt so cold in the places where the fire left, but the cold was so refreshing I couldn't even think to complain.

A cute, wind-chime voice said, "It's happening. Any second now."

The fire retreated more and more, but as it left, it got worse where it still existed. Finally, the fire was only in my heart, and I thought it would explode between how fast it was beating and how much it burned. But it didn't explode, it stopped. My heart _stopped_.

I waited to die, but after a few seconds, I realized I was still there. At least, I thought I was.

One of the voices asked, "Is she okay?"

"I'm not sure," the low voice answered. "Isabella, are you okay?"

I didn't know. Was I _not_ dead? I tried to open my eyes.

They opened just fine, and I realized that they had never really been open before. I could see _everything_. Every inch, every detail, every mote of dust, it was all as clear as day. I got caught up examining the grain in the wood on the molding on the ceiling. I'd forgotten that anyone had asked me a question until they asked me again.

"Isabella?" The low voice asked. I didn't mean to, but I shot upright, sitting on the sofa I hadn't even known existed. The face of the low voice was the beautiful blonde man I'd seen before. But, of course, I hadn't really seen him. I stared at his face, wanting to see every bit of it, but I realized there were more faces behind him. The bronze haired boy was the beautiful one who had been sitting by my side when the beautiful blonde man wasn't, and the tall girl behind him was the beautiful girl who was so angry. Okay, so they were all beautiful. I almost couldn't cope with it.

"Isabella?" The blonde man asked again. I opened my mouth to say something, but the breath in brought so many scents and flavors, I was distracted again.

"Great," the beautiful, tall, angry girl said as she stormed out of the room like a runway model. "She's a freaking mute. Wonderful."

"Rosalie!" scolded another woman. She was standing in the back. She had such a kind face, and beautiful wavy brown hair. I stared at her for a while, and when she looked back at me, she smiled at me. I was going to smile back, but the bronze haired boy caught my eye.

He let out a frustrated sigh and looked to the menacing blonde standing next to him. "No. Nothing," he said.

I looked to the dangerous blonde, who nodded. What had the bronze haired boy answered? Had I not heard the question in my distraction? It wasn't out of the question.

The beautiful blonde took a step back away from the group. He sighed and said, "I'm sorry, I have to get going. Will you all be okay here without me?"

"Of course, Carlisle. We can handle one newborn," the bronze haired boy said.

I wanted to argue that I was not a newborn. I was seventeen! But it occurred to me that I might be a newborn to them. Whatever this new life was, I had certainly just come into it.

Carlisle kissed the kind woman gently, and said, "Goodbye, Esme." Then he left

The largest person in the room looked at me inquisitively. "You gonna say anything?" he asked abruptly.

My surprise must have amused him, because he let out a loud, thundering laugh. Even his laugh was huge. I was suddenly afraid of him, he looked like he had so much power in him.

"Stop it Emmett," the blonde one who wasn't Carlisle barked. "You're scaring her."

"Alright, Alright," he agreed. He took a step back, and I felt a little better. He still looked too big, even standing further away. I was staring at him now, (apparently I was going to stare at everyone ) and he was the first too look uncomfortable under my gaze. I felt bad, so I stopped looking at him. Instead, I turned my attention to the little, black haired girl in the back by Esme.

She smiled and waved at me, like she knew me. I couldn't remember ever having met her before, though. As I stared at her, she suddenly lost focus on me and stared off into space. I couldn't figure what had come over her, but after a few seconds she came back to her senses with a little shake of her head.

"I'm on it," the bronze haired boy said to her. This time I was sure I hadn't missed anything. He was responding to nothing. I had been staring right at the girl, and she hadn't said anything.

I looked to him, intending to question him but he spoke first. "Are you thirsty?" he asked me.

When he said the word, my hand went to my throat. Yes, I realized, I was very thirsty. My throat still felt the remnants of the fire that had consumed me earlier. It felt so tangible, I doubted even gallons of ice water would make it go away.

No, I didn't want water. I wanted something else, but I couldn't place it.

The bronze haired boy offered me his hand. "If you come with me, I can help," he promised. I took his hand, and his skin was hard and smooth. It was as if he was made out of marble. I ran my other hand down my own arm and realized my skin felt the same way. What had happened to me?

"Do you want me to come with you, Edward?" The blonde asked.

"I think we'll be okay. Thanks, Jasper" Edward responded. With my hand in his, he led me out of the house.

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**Chapter five should already be up if you're reading this, so no goodbye note for you**


	5. Chapter 5

**So here is chapter five, which a few people have already read from when I accidentally posted it as chapter 3...**

**This chapter is a short one, but I'm not sorry anymore because you all got chapters four and five at once so that sort of makes up for it**

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Bella:

The river at the other end of the grassy field was a long way away. Edward was gently pulling me along, which was probably the only thing that kept me moving forward. There was always something new to look at. There were rustling animals in the trees, the curves of the water in the river, the rolling grey of the clouded sky, and more than anything, the green. Everything was green. The ground was green with grass and the trees were green with leaves and the trunks were green with moss. Too much green. It was weird, I felt like there should have been some other colors, brown primarily.

After walking some distance from the house, Edward stopped, still holding my hand. I stopped too, and looked at him. I didn't know why we were stopping.

"I think we should try running," he explained.

I was confused, and a little apprehensive. I knew that I was not good at running. I tripped a lot and I couldn't run for very long before I got winded and tired. But something about this new body made me think it wouldn't get tired to easily. So, I nodded at him.

He smiled at me, and let go of my hand. "Alright, here's what you need to know. It's not going to be anything like any running you've ever done. It's going to be very fast, but don't worry. And if you get overwhelmed, just stop."

His words didn't really make any sense, but nothing was really making sense right now, so I decided to just go with it. I looked towards the river, and started to sprint towards it.

When he said it would be fast, he was _not_ exaggerating. I was at the river in less than a second, and I didn't think to stop myself so I jumped instead.

Jumping was even more surprising than running. I was suddenly flying through the air, but just before I started to think I could _actually_ fly, gravity began to reclaim me. I was hurtling towards the ground at a speed I couldn't even comprehend, but it was also like moving in slow motion. I crashed through the top branches of some trees, but grabbed a thick branch on the way down and swung from it. My new trajectory flew my unobstructed to the ground. I wondered if the impact would hurt me, but I felt like my new body could take it. I landed on the balls of my feet in the squishy green ground.

Now that it was over, I was so amazed at myself that I couldn't move. My brain struggled to process what had just happened, and equally, my emotions tried to fight for my attention. I was elated and surprised and terrified and confused and I felt like giggling a little and crying a little at the same time.

Instead, I managed to take some deep breaths to try force all the too-strong emotions down. It was just running and jumping, albeit crazy fast running and jumping.

Just then, Edward caught up with me. He saw me taking deep breaths and grabbed my hand again, worried.

"You okay?" he asked. The concern in his voice made me feel warm inside. Maybe it was just because everything felt so strange and different, but when Edward grabbed my hand and voiced that he was worried about me, it made me feel less alien.

I nodded to him, and he smiled at me.

"Want to run some more?" he asked. He was obviously very excited to be running. I wasn't sure I wanted to, and I bit my lip as I thought it over. I also realized I had clenched his hand tighter in my own, though I hadn't intended to. Running again would be fun, but it would mean letting go.

He looked down at me, he was obviously trying very hard to figure out what I wanted, and he seemed to have an idea.

"How about we run sort of slowly, and keep holding hands?"

I was still biting my lower lip, but I smiled at him. He smiled back, and with my hand still in his, he urged us forward.

This speed was less exciting than the sprint I had used to get to the river, but it was nicer running with Edward than alone. We ran for a long while, and I wondered how many miles we had put behind us. I didn't wonder for very long, though, because before I could dwell on it, I smelled something. It was wonderful, and the burning in my throat demanded it. I pulled away from Edward, and he let me go. I ran ahead, following my nose, until I found myself in a large clearing. There was a herd of deer eating grass, and without any sort of conscious thought, I was suddenly on top of one. It writhed, but by teeth closed around it's throat and I sucked the life from it. My throat rejoiced, and that was all I could think about.

It wasn't until there was no more blood left in the large buck that I had realized what I'd done. I shoved the animal off of me and looked down at my hands, covered in red. I glanced back in the direction I came, and Edward was standing calmly where I had broken through the trees.

He must have seen the question in my eyes, because he answered it. "You're a vampire, Isabella."

* * *

**Dun dun DUUUN. Seriously, someone ought to have taken a moment out of their time to explain this to her earlier...**

**I will try not to make uploading mistakes anymore! I hope you're all liking the story so far!**


	6. Chapter 6

Edward:

I hadn't wanted to admit to my siblings that my willingness to take Isabella out for her first hunt was more than just altruism. I wanted to be alone with the girl, for so many reasons. First and foremost, I wanted the chance to try to read her mind without distraction. Sadly, I'd failed at every attempt at this. He mind was silent no matter how much I tried to mentally probe at it. I had thought for a moment that physical contact would connect me to her thoughts, but even that proved pointless.

Mostly pointless, at least. I admit, there was a reaction in myself I wasn't expecting when I held her hand. It felt nice. Running hand in hand with her felt nice. I imagine my mind was just reacting to the novelty of being in such close contact with someone without hearing anything, and I mean anything. Her mind was silent, and her mouth followed suit. I wanted both to be open to me. If I couldn't hear her mind, I at least wanted her to speak! Maybe if I heard her real voice, her mental voice would become clear. But she refused me even that. She only responded so far by nodding or shaking her head, and it was starting to really frustrate me.

I didn't know why it bothered me so much, though, and that was the worst part. Who cares if I couldn't hear her? I'd pay good money to shut up my siblings any number of times, so why did it matter to me what thoughts were in this girl's head?

Perhaps it was just because I didn't like to leave any mystery unsolved. Or perhaps it was because I was so used to knowing everything about everyone, that this one blind spot was a blow to my ego.

I was a little shocked when she managed her first hunt on her own. It certainly wasn't unheard of, a vampire following instinct as a newborn. Rosalie had to be guided to and instructed the first time she'd hunted, as did I. Emmett had made his first kill unassisted, and he caught a black bear the first time, too. But all of us at least knew the objective going in: drink blood.

I had intended to stop myself and Isabella after running some to explain to her what she had become, but when she pulled away from me after the scent of the gathering of deer, I decided it was best not to try to stop her.

I followed her, and watched as she deftly, if not messily, took down a deer and drank from its neck.

I felt bad about not telling her what she was afterwards. She shoved the dead deer off of herself and looked around confused and a little disturbed until her eyes found me. She didn't say a word, still, but she was begging for answers.

"You're a vampire, Isabella," I delivered.

She stared at me, wide-eyed, and I wished, for the thousandth time in an hour, that she would say something. She didn't, though. She just sort of slowly sat down and stared off into the forest.

_Why_ did I want to know her thoughts so badly? I wanted to go sit next to her and ask her what she was thinking. Could I do that? Could I just ask? It seemed like an un-due invasion of privacy, even though it would certainly be no more than I invade the privacy of everyone else I ever meet.

Before I could decide, she stood again, and trudged towards me. She didn't meet my gaze, and I decided she must have still been putting puzzle pieces together. She nearly walked back past me in the direction of the house, and I was surprisingly upset that she was just going home without even acknowledging me here.

"Do you want to drink more? We can stay out longer," I suggested, mostly just to grab her attention. She shook her head, and began to run back towards the house. I followed behind her, upset and disappointed and generally grumpy. Apparently, I didn't like being ignored, and I had to remind myself not to be upset with the girl. She was a newborn, after all, and I remembered the onslaught of thoughts and emotions in those first few months.

I probably wouldn't be so upset if I could hear her mind. Or if she would even just talk to me!

_Stop it. Don't be upset with the newborn_, I reprimanded myself. I had to repeat the words a few times, but by the time we were back at the house, I had eradicated my misplaced annoyance with her and how she blew me off so easily.

As we approached the house, I heard the minds of my siblings and parents. They all had a sharp edge to them, and as we got closer, I could hear them fighting again. Rosalie had taken the opportunity of Carlisle and Isabella both being out of the house to vent her anger to everyone. By which I meant she was loudly and endlessly complaining. From the thoughts of Alice and Esme especially, I could hear that she had been going on for a while now.

"We shouldn't have to put up with this! I don't want to babysit a newborn all the time just because Carlisle decided to be impulsive! None of this is fair. She's ruined everything," she whined.

Esme was trying to calm her without disagreeing. "Rose, I know this is all different and upsetting, but regardless of whether it was the best decision, it's done now. We can make sure that you don't have to look after her, if that will make you feel better."

Rosalie was mildly pleased that Esme was even entertaining her. She always needed to be the center of attention, and even though Esme wasn't telling her anything she didn't already know, she wanted our mother to coo over her and make her feel better, just like a screaming toddler. Of course nobody would ever think to ask Rose to watch out for Isabella. She would gripe about it forever– literally– and knowing how upset she was, she would probably drop the girl off somewhere in her car and drive off, leaving her stranded.

Though Rose only wanted to get attention, Jasper's concerns were more serious. "What if someone comes looking for her?" he asked. "What if someone figures out what we've done? This could end so badly for the whole family." In his mind, Jasper was imagining Chief Swan remembering that Carlisle had been there before his daughter disappeared and coming after us. Or worse yet, he imagined the wolves learning we had broken the treaty and attacking the family. I wanted to remind him that there were no more werewolves.

Alice did my job for me. "There's no one here who's out to get us, Jazz, and if anyone gets suspicious, Edward and I will get us out before it's too late."

Jasper was still unhappy. Running away from suspicion would only affirm our guilt, and he didn't want our family to have any reputation that could get back to the Volturi.

They stopped talking when they heard our footsteps approaching the house, and Rose left the room with her nose in the air and Emmett at her heels. Isabella hopped onto the porch and tried to open one of the French doors. Instead, the handle came off.

She stared down at the severed piece of metal, shocked, then angry. Esme rushed to another door to let her in.

"Don't worry about it at all," she cooed. "It's okay. It actually happens all the time. We can replace it easily."

Isabella still looked like she was holding back tears, and I realized I should have told her that she couldn't cry. I should have told her all sorts of things, but I hadn't thought of any of them while we were out. I wondered how shocked she was going to be when she realized she would never sleep again. I secretly hoped she would be shocked enough to say something.

Esme continued in her soothing voice, "Come on, you're all mussed up. How about we get you in a shower, huh?" Isabella nodded, and Esme led her upstairs.

Alice shot up suddenly, beyond excited. I hadn't been paying attention, and I missed her vision. I looked at her and she answered me. _I just saw Isabella needing a _whole lot_ of new clothes!_

I laughed, and Jasper tugged on her hand to get her attention. He let her feel his curiosity instead of voicing his question.

"Shopping!" Alice answered.

Jasper laughed too, and for the first moment since Carlisle came home three days ago, the room was easy and lighthearted.

While Isabella showered, I thought I'd take five minutes to do my homework due the next day. It was only a few worksheets and an essay, and though boring, it was so easy I hardly even found it annoying.

The sun set while she showered. It was unusual for a vampire to take a shower that lasted thirty-six minutes and counting, but I assumed Isabella was just standing under the water and working through her brain. It wasn't really so odd. I didn't know why I was counting the minutes she was in the shower.

Emmett had rejoined us in the living room, though Rose was still working on her car. She was not currently as angry as she had been, but she had started a difficult job on her car and was determined to see it through. Jasper and Emmett had picked up an elaborate chess game they had started days ago, and Alice and Esme were drawing some new designs for when we next changed house. Alice was especially wired about this activity now that there was a large possibility we would be moving soon.

I picked up a book off the shelf, knowing it wouldn't last me very long with how fast we could read, and settled into a sofa. I tried not to listen to the sound of the shower running upstairs, but it permeated my conscious anyway. Thirty-eight minutes.

Why was I still counting?

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**Edward is a little thick, isn't he? That was my favorite part of Midnight Sun, Edward showing outward signs of interest but rationalizing them away. Brace yourself– a lot of that is coming up soon!**


	7. Chapter 7

Bella:

I stayed in the shower a long time.

A _vampire_. I assumed Edward was wrong, or lying, or kidding, or something, but I had drank all the blood out of giant deer, so I really didn't have much room for denial. Except that _vampires aren't real_. Maybe I was dead. Or maybe I was in some sort of freaky dream that was just hyper realistic and long. How long would I even have to be asleep for a dream like this to happen? Was I in a coma somewhere? Maybe after the car crash–

Charlie. With all the things my brain had obsessed over this since I woke up, I hadn't had to common decency to even _remember_ my father! I tried to think back to the fire time. I knew I heard Carlisle say something about my father then, something about the car accident. What did he say?! I needed to focus. Car accident, bend in the road, snow, jeep, driver through windshield. Was Charlie the driver who went through the windshield? No. No, he called an ambulance for Charlie. He said he saw him at the hospital. He had a broken leg and a concussion. He was alive.

I slumped against the tiled wall and sighed. Alive. That was what mattered.

Was I alive? Some philosopher I couldn't remember had said, 'I think therefore I am.' I was certainly thinking, if the amount of fretting I'd been doing in this shower counted for anything. Did that mean I was alive? Did vampires count as alive? I put my hand over my heart, and tried to feel it beating. All I felt was the rise and fall of my breath. I was suddenly so angry. I didn't want this– any of this! Carlisle had put me through the fires of hell to make me into a blood-sucking monster, and from what I could tell, everybody downstairs hated me already! I didn't ask him to do this to me! I didn't ask him to destroy me and bring me into a household where everyone talked about me like I was a deformed dog they'd been forced to take care of! I didn't want to be in this limbo of dead or not dead and be so bombarded with everything that I can barely manage to talk!

Had I even said anything since I'd woken up? I scanned through very few hours I'd been awake. I remembered meaning to say things, but no, I hadn't spoken a single word to any of them. No wonder they hated me. If we were all vampires, they were certainly better-made than I was. They could all think and talk and accomplish things without making themselves out to be complete weirdoes. They could open doors without breaking the handles.

But I guess this was just one of the many drawbacks to this life Carlisle had condemned me to. My hatred for him felt like a heat inside me. The anger was all consuming, and I had to refrain myself form punching the wall, because I was sure I would break the tile before it broke my hand. I tried to calm down. I tried to think of anything else. There had to be something nice to think about.

I wasn't clumsy anymore, which was a huge perk. I couldn't believe that I could be so graceful and not fall over everything, but I hadn't so much as stumbled since I awoke. I could see and hear so much now, it was like discovering the whole world all over again, and though it was overwhelming, it was beautiful. Running was so exciting. I had never liked to run before, but this was like nothing I'd ever experienced. It was like flying on the ground, and the obstacles just seemed to shy away from me of their own accord and it was so easy to follow the gentle pull of Edward's hand.

I decided that I'd better get out of the shower and face them all, but Esme had turned the shower on for me and I didn't dare touch it for fear of breaking that too.

Maybe if I just barely brushed it with my hand, it would move and I wouldn't destroy it. I tried to place my fingers on it as carefully as I could.

I at least succeeded at not breaking it, but I hadn't moved it either. How much harder was I supposed to push? I tried to apply just a little pressure with one finger. The handle suddenly jerked downward and creaked. I worried that I had broken it, but it looked pretty okay and the water was off.

I stepped out of the shower and picked up the towel that Esme had left for me. I intended to dry off, but I ended up wiping the fog off the bathroom mirror instead. I had seen myself in it on the way in, but Esme had been talking, and I had been trying to focus on her.

I was beautiful now. Nearly as beautiful as the group downstairs, but I could still find some of my familiar flaws in my reflection, and my eyes were a terrifying bright red. All their eyes were varying shades of yellow. What was wrong with me? My eyes prickled like I was crying, but nothing came out of them. The same thing had happened earlier on the porch, too. I guess vampires weren't the kind of monsters that cried.

God, I was a _monster_, wasn't I? I was a fairytale creature that scares children. I was a creature that made humans fear for their lives for hundreds of years. I didn't feel like a monster, though, I just felt confused. There were no Halloween stories or horror movies about the monsters being scared and lost, were there? But then again, there weren't any wherein the monsters kept quietly to themselves in a big white house, either.

Did they keep to themselves? What if the vampires who lived here stalked people into dark places at night? Sure, I had drank the blood of a deer, but what if that was because they were saving the good stuff for the nighttime hours? Vampires are nocturnal, aren't they? Thinking about the fire time, I don't know that any of them slept in the months I was burning. Or maybe they had, and I just ignored the silence so thoroughly that it was like it didn't exist.

Was I actually out for months? It felt like that when it was happening, but now I wasn't sure. Maybe it wasn't so long. I couldn't imagine it was longer– I don't think my brain could have edited out the extra time if it were.

I was still dripping wet, I realized then. My hair was leaving a puddle on the floor. I dried myself in seconds, then dragged the floor mat over to soak up the puddle. I wrapped my hair up in the towel, and put on the clothes Esme had laid out for me. They didn't fit so well, but I was so glad that I didn't have to put back on the white dress– or, I should say, the red dress. The blood on it had dried on our run back, but the steam in the room pulled out just enough of the scent to make the burn in my throat insist it be noticed. Maybe I should have stayed out longer with Edward earlier. I didn't know when the next time I would get to drink blood would be.

I hoped I'd been wrong earlier about them killing humans at night. I didn't want to kill anyone, but I wasn't sure I'd be able to stop myself. I certainly hadn't had a choice with the deer– I smelled it, and then it was dead.

God, I didn't want to be a murderer. But was there any way I couldn't?

* * *

**And here we have an entire chapter of Bella in the shower/bathroom. I know how to be exciting, huh?**


	8. Chapter 8

Edward:

I glanced over as Isabella came downstairs in some of Esme's clothes. She looked out of place in them, and I briefly wished she hadn't dirtied the white dress Alice had produced. The dress had fit better than these clothes, which hung somewhat awkwardly on her, but to be honest, the dress wasn't quite her size either. Alice had gotten it with the intention of altering it and then gifting it to Rosalie. I could only imagine what Rose would do if she found out Isabella had ended up with something originally intended for her. I didn't doubt that she would think the girl had stolen it from her somehow.

She lingered at the bottom of the stairs, and I couldn't help but look over again to see what she had stopped for. Of course, I wouldn't have had to look if I could just read her mind. She was playing with the hem of her shirt. I wondered if she didn't like the way the clothes fit either. Maybe this was why Alice had seen a shopping trip so soon in the future. Maybe she would hate any of the clothes we tried to give her. I wondered how she would refuse us, though. By shaking her head one by one until we'd gone through everything? Or breaking out into a wild game of charades where she would mime out the words 'mall' and 'high-end clothing.'

I chuckled at the idea, and she looked over to me. She opened her moth like she was going to say something, and a great swell of anticipation rose in my chest. Of course, she closed her mouth with a sigh instead and turned her gaze from me.

Disappointment crumbled within me. I wanted to make her look at me again, but I didn't know how that would prompt her to speak finally. Maybe if I asked her about the clothes. She had to be thinking about them for Alice to be getting visions.

"Are you comfortable in Esme's clothes, Isabella?" I asked her.

Her head whipped up to me, and her eyes were wide, like she wasn't expecting that I would have talked to her at all. After a second, she nodded carefully. She looked so worried, and I tried to find another way my words could have been interpreted but found none.

I decided to explain myself anyway. "I was only wondering because we're planning to get you some of your own. Is there anything in particular you'd like? Favorite styles or colors?"

She didn't answer, again, but stared at me like my question had made no sense. Then she looked off slightly, like some thought had distracted her. I waited for her to answer, probably with just a shake of her head, but she seemed to have completely forgotten me. Again.

"Isabella," I said, grabbing her attention.

"Bella," she answered almost automatically.

I was floored. " Bella?" I asked. Most of my family was listening now, too. None of them were so shocked as I was, but they were all a little surprised to finally hear her speak– Esme was even smiling to herself about it. Why was I so shocked by it? I figured it must have been because I thought hearing her real voice would help me find her mental voice. It didn't, of course.

She answered me, "Yeah. Not Isabella, just Bella."

Well there it was: my first glimpse into the mind of Bella Swan. Of course, I didn't think I would ever get a _real_ glimpse into her mind, but any bit of information counted.

I smiled at her. "Alright, Bella. Any clothes you want?"

She shook her head. "Anything works."

I guess I shouldn't have been expecting much of a speech out of her, but I wished she would say more. Instead, she went back to worrying the hem of her shirt with her fingers and glancing around like she didn't know what to do with herself.

"Would you like a book, Bella?" I asked her. I knew she wouldn't really be able to read it. Newborns pretty much had the attention span on a goldfish with ADD, but at least she would have something in her hands, and if she was feeling self conscious, she could pretend to read while she thought.

"Yes please," she squeaked. I approached the bookshelf and she met me there. I wondered what she might like to read.

Jasper, without glancing up from his and Emmett's chess game, thought, _Nice call. She was coiled pretty tight, but she seems better now_.

I smiled at that. I was glad I could make her more at ease. I saw her eyes caught on Romeo and Juliet, so I grabbed it and held it out to her. She looked hesitant about grabbing it.

"Don't worry about destroying it. These things run five cents on Amazon." She still looked apprehensive, so I continued to persuade her. "You should have seen the havoc I wreaked my first few weeks. I broke everything in the house, and when we got it all replaced, I broke it all again."

She smiled at that, and took the book. I returned to my place on the sofa, and Bella followed. I sat at one edge, and she sat at the other. She nestled herself into the cushions, tucked her legs under herself, and very carefully opened her book.

She turned the pages slowly and carefully, and she paused for a long time on each page– longer by far than it would take her to read it. I would bet that if I could read her mind, I would see that she wasn't reading the story at all, but thinking of other things and pretending to read.

_Is she actually _reading_ that?_ Jasper's voice asked in my head. The question seemed more rhetorical than not, but I started to shake my head anyway. But I stopped. Jasper was analyzing the girl's emotional state. Since she woke up, she had been running thought emotions so quickly that Jasper had been getting whiplash. More than anything else, she'd been confused, frantic, and sometimes scared, and he could feel her reeling while she tried to keep up with the new speed of her thoughts.

But now, Jasper realized, her emotions were calmer. The crashing ocean had settled to steady waves. Not flat water like a truly calm, peaceful person, but a more manageable surf. And on top of that, Jasper could feel how focused she was. Could she actually be reading?

_Maybe she just _really_ likes Romeo and Juliet_, Jasper concluded, remembering her excitement when I'd offered her the book.

He turned his attention back to his game. Emmett was finally making a move, and it was the first in a grand attack plan he'd been working on. He didn't know that Jasper could see his endgame a mile away, and already had several contingencies ready.

But I was obsessed on Bella. She was such a _strange_ newborn. Perhaps I couldn't read her mind because it was like no mind I'd ever encountered. As far as I could tell, Bella was utterly unique, and I was determined to understand her.

Bella:

God, I loved Romeo and Juliet. It was one of the books I most often read before… everything, and just having it in my hands was therapeutic. I managed to open it without ripping it, which was a miracle. My eyes scanned the first page, and I immediately absorbed the text on it. My brain processed every word almost instantly, and I was angry at it! Now I wasn't going to be able to enjoy reading because of this stupid new head!

I inhaled once, to calm myself. I was sure that if I tried, I could deliberately read it slowly, savor each word and take them in and let them paint a picture in my mind like they used to.

It wasn't easy. The gears in my head were running in 5th gear, and it was a constant effort to slow them down. But I focused on the book, one familiar word at a time. Regardless, I got distracted repeatedly. My mind kept wandering.

I was really glad that Edward had somehow known to give me a book. He seemed to be able to respond to people before they spoke, and I wondered if maybe he had some sixth sense for knowing what people wanted. But then again, if he knew what I wanted, why would he ask me about the clothes? Unless he already knew I felt awkward in them and was only asking to be polite.

Okay, so that theory needed more work.

I tried to get back into Romeo and Juliet, but only a few pages later, I was thinking again. The vampires all seemed so _normal_. Here I had been worried that we were going to spend the night hunting the souls of the innocent, but I felt like I was in a more stereotypical household than my family had ever been. A father off at work for the evening, two brothers playing a game together, a sister working on a toy in the garage (I could hear Rosalie's metal tools clank against whatever she was building. A car, maybe?), a mother planning household renovation and redecoration with her daughter throwing in suggestions and helping draw up ideas, a brother a sitting on a couch reading a book quietly.

Here I had spent all this time worried about the vampires being monsters, it hadn't even occurred to me that they were a family. I could tell from the way they were talking and acting with each other that there was a lot of love in the family. Could I count myself as part of that family? They didn't seem to care about me like they cared about each other, but I was sitting here too. Did they see me as the shy sister, or the awkward houseguest?

I thought of Rosalie yelling about how I had messed everything up for her, and I thought about Jasper calmly asserting that I was a danger. Surely they would like me out of their hair. I was a burden to them. Emmett and the little black haired girl, whose name I still hadn't caught, didn't seem to mind me either way. Esme treated me like any gracious host would treat a guest in her home. Carlisle was gone so quickly, but I felt like I was more his responsibility than his family– a patient in a hospital, not a daughter. He had such a doctor-like demeanor. I wondered if that was his job. But surely, no vampire could be the doctor to a bleeding patient. But maybe they could manage to be around people. Maybe he was a therapist; he definitely had the right voice for it.

Edward… I didn't know about Edward. He had shown that he was concerned about my well being, but more than that. He was kind and gentle and attentive. He had volunteered to take me to allay my thirst, and he helped me feel at ease when I was freaking out at the bottom of the stairs like an awkward mute. If anyone here considered me family, it would be him, and for that, I was unequivocally grateful.

* * *

**Aw, she likes him. **

**Thank you to everyone who has reviewed! I've been so busy the last few days, I haven't had time to respond to everyone as I like to. Sorry!**


	9. Chapter 9

Edward:

Bella continued to read her book very slowly for hours, sometimes stopping and staring off into space, but always going back to it. I wondered what she was thinking about in those pauses.

Carlisle came home around midnight. He had taken over the late shift a week ago to cover for another doctor, who went on vacation to Aruba with his wife. I heard his thoughts from the highway, as I usually could. He was worried about having left us all alone with the newborn, whom he considered his responsibility. He was already preparing an apology and planning to leave immediately with her to go hunting. He parked his car and flitted into the house, only to be stopped short by the sight in front of him.

_What…?_ His thoughts tried to process what he was seeing. Everyone was home and quiet and peaceful, and Bella was sitting with me, reading. A little apprehensively, he approached us.

_I don't understand. How is this possible?_ He asked me. I shrugged, and Bella glanced at me when I did.

Carlisle turned his attention to the girl, "How was your day, Isabella?" he asked her.

"Bella," I interjected. Carlisle looked at me, and I elaborated. "She prefers to be called Bella."

Carlisle nodded, "Alright, Bella. So how was your day? Or your evening, I should say."

She looked at him sheepishly, glanced to me, shrugged, and said, "Fine." Then she turned back into her book.

Carlisle looked to me for confirmation, and I nodded.

_Incredible. I've never seen a newborn so calm. Is Jasper responsible for this?_

I shook my head.

_Incredible_, he repeated. _Perhaps some people are just better suited for this life than others_, he surmised.

I laughed once, imagining how Rosalie would act if Carlisle suggested that aloud.

Carlisle retired to his study to run over some new medical journals, and after a few hours, the sun began to rise. I got up to take a shower, because I'd been out hunting earlier. Bella, just finishing her book, looked at me, startled. I wanted to reassure her that I would be right back, but it felt like a sort of stupid thing to say, so instead I just said, "I'm going to take a shower before school."

She looked confused, but if I didn't get in the shower now, I wouldn't have time to without being late for my first class. As I went upstairs, I heard Alice start to tell Bella about all of us going to high school. Through Alice's eyes, I saw that Bella didn't seem to understand the whole concept, and I wonder what about it confused her. Maybe she didn't get how vampires could be around so many humans all day, or maybe she didn't see why we would want to be enrolled in high school at all. But she didn't ask whatever questions she had, and I turned my attention back toward getting my towel and getting in the shower.

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**I know, this one is a shorty. Hopefully I can put up the next chapter in a couple hours.**


	10. Chapter 10

**Okay, this one isn't much longer, but I'm gonna just say two in one day makes up for it**

* * *

Bella:

Just a little while after Edward left to shower, everyone else started getting ready for the day, too. I guess if I'd wanted proof that vampires don't sleep, this was it. They'd stayed up all night, and when the morning came, none of them enclosed themselves in coffins to await the darkness again. They just went along with the morning like normal people do. They changed their clothes, brushed their hair, pulled together their school bags, Edward showered–but nobody else did – and the five of them piled into a silver car and drove off.

I wondered if they were going to the same school that I would have gone to if I hadn't, well, died. Carlisle and Esme were understanding enough of my shyness to leave me alone most of the day. I wanted to wander around the house, but it seemed so rude and intrusive. I considered going for a run, but with the way the family talked about me, I figured I wasn't allowed anywhere with supervision, and I wasn't about to ask Carlisle or Esme to take me out. I already felt enough like some burdensome puppy. The last thing I wanted to do was scratch at their door with my leash in my mouth begging for a walk.

I stayed in the living room and looked through the book shelf. There wasn't much there that I would want to read. There were a whole lot of medical books, and some other technical looking, thick volumes that I expected to see in a PhD classroom, not a living room. A few of the books were about the Civil War, I could tell, but some of them looked almost as old _as_ the Civil War, and I was too afraid to touch them. Even with how careful I was with Romeo and Juliet, I'd managed to rip almost half of the pages a little, and I'd accidentally pulled out an entire page of Act three, Scene five.

I was trying to decide between two neglected looking paperbacks, a modern novel I'd never heard of and an old classic I'd never liked, when Carlisle approached me.

"Are you thirsty, Bella? I could take you out for a hunt," he offered.

I was thirsty, and I wanted to leave the house so badly, but I felt so weird inconveniencing Carlisle, who was almost definitely some important doctor, if all the medical books were any indication.

"No," I lied. "I'd rather just read some more, if that's okay." I reached towards the shelf and ended up grabbing the modern novel. Carlisle was looking at me like he didn't really believe me, but he nodded and left me be anyway.

I tried to focus on the book, but it was really bad, and I couldn't convince myself to keep reading it when my brain wanted to whirl off in other directions. After a while of attempted reading, I heard Carlisle and Esme whispering upstairs. I was immediately worried about what they might be whispering about, and I had to remind myself they the two of them were good people and that I shouldn't be worried. At least, they seemed like good people. I hadn't really known them that long.

Just as the jitters were really starting to get to me, Esme came to me in the living room. She sat down in the armchair and smiled at me. Seeing Esme smiling put me at ease. Kindness just radiated out of her, and I was ashamed that I had even been thinking that she was plotting something horrible with Carlisle. Was it really so bad for people to have private conversations?

"I was just going to go out for a hunt, would you like to come with me?" she asked. It was suddenly obvious what they had whispered. Carlisle had told her about my reluctance to leave with him, and she was now giving it a try. She was even pretending she was already going independent of me, so I wouldn't feel like I was inconveniencing her. Who would have guess that vampires were so polite?

I didn't really want to go. I was thirsty, and I wanted out of the house, but the idea of prolonged one-on-one time with anyone when I could be hiding in a corner with a book was unappealing.

"Sure," I agreed anyway. I felt like it would be rude to turn her down now.

Esme smiled at me like I'd agreed to be the maid of honor at her wedding and stood up. I stood up to, and a phone rang. Esme reached into her pocket and answered it, but before she could say hello, the voice on the other end spoke.

Esme nodded to herself, said, "Alright, thank you, Alice" then hung up. Then she turned to me. "We're in luck. A large herd had wondered pretty close to us, so we won't have to run as far as you did yesterday."

Had Alice told her that? Was Alice the tiny dark haired girl? How did she know where the deer were? How did she know the exact _second_ we were leaving? Just when things were beginning to make a little bit of sense, that happened.

I held my questions, worried that Esme would not want to answer them, and nodded. We ran out of the house, and I followed Esme, a few paces behind, until we found the herd.

I brought down two smaller deer this time and Esme had one of her own. Though I was still thirsty, I lied to Esme when she asked because I wanted to get back to the house and hopefully out of the long awkward silences that stretched between us.

We went back home, and I went back to my horrible book.

After a while longer, I heard the sound of the Volvo engine on the freeway coming towards us. I was so excited for the other people to be home. It was so much easier to disappear into a crowd than just sitting around with Carlisle and Esme. The car didn't turn down the drive, though. It stopped for a couple seconds, then drove off. Three pairs of footsteps ran towards the house and I desperately wished one of them would be Edward's.

I tried to hide my disappointment when Rosalie, Emmett, and Jasper entered the house, but I think Jasper at least noticed it anyway.


	11. Chapter 11

Edward:

After school, Alice and I went to the mall in Port Angeles together. Alice had intended to go alone to buy Bella's wardrobe alone, but it occurred to me that I could get Bella some more books if I went too, and the second I considered it, Alice was so excited about our sibling-bonding-mall-trip that I couldn't tell her no. The streets were pretty empty, which was to be expected for going somewhere in the middle of the day in the middle of the week on this highway. Alice had taken the wheel of the car, and she was so excited that she sped more so than we usually do. I caught her wishing that she had a nice sports car to really take out for a spin, and she considered getting Rose to take a road trip with her in her convertible. She looked to the near future for a good time to go, and saw that two weekends from now would be sunny.

"Not good for a road trip, but perfect for a hunting expedition," she suggested. I knew Emmett had been dying for a good long trip, and I thought maybe if we all went, it would appease him.

Alice frowned, the idea of bringing Bella on a hunting trip made the whole thing go iffy. Everything became hard to follow and the possibilities branched out into thousands of futures.

"Okay, so maybe not then," I said.

"Yeah, it might be a bad idea," she admitted.

We arrived at the mall in record time, and Alice rushed in and made a beeline for the most expensive store Port Angeles could afford. I followed her dutifully, but she stopped short just outside of the store's doors. An unexpected vision hit her. She would buy Bella all of the best and most expensive fashion she could find, and Bella would hate it all.

_How can she not like Valentino?!_ Alice mentally screeched. She tried planning different things. She decided to buy her Prada instead, then Fendi, Armani, and Chanel, and she saw the same reactions. Everything from politely suggesting she just borrow more of Esme's clothes to frustrated screaming about deathtrap shoes.

I thought that maybe Bella would just like some regular clothes from the little Gap store, and Alice's visions shifted to Bella wearing a pair of jeans and a tee shirt and looking completely at ease. I didn't blame her. The Bella in those visions pulled off the casual look– though maybe it was just because she finally looked like she wasn't crawling in her own skin.

_No. We are _not_ going to the GAP!_ Alice protested. She was upset enough already that Bella had such a 'horrible, backwards fashion sense,' so I didn't fight her on it. Alice ended up buying Bella an armful of fancy and expensive dresses and outfits, but with a little convincing, conceded to also buy her some pairs of high-end jeans and Prada luxury tee shirts. In all of her visions, those were the only things Bella was going to wear.

The other thing Alice could see clearly in all of her vision was Rosalie's jealously. We both knew Rose had more than enough clothes, and couldn't compare herself to Bella who literally had none. I wanted to ignore the vision, if Rose was going to be snooty and petty, then let her.

Alice saw the future in which I was telling off Rose for acting like a child.

_Come on, Edward, play nice. She's our sister_, Alice thought as she pulled up a red dress in Rose's size. The future shifted again, and in this one, Rose was smiling instead of pouting.

I still thought she was acting like a spoiled brat, but I conceded that it would be nice to see Rose happy about something. She'd certainly taken the addition of Bella to the family the hardest.

_There's no reason for us to ignore her if we know how to cheer her up, even if she is been overdramatic_, Alice chided. She was right of course, and Rosalie was going to love it when we came home with jeans and tee shirts for Bella and ball gowns for her.

After we had too many bags, or just enough bags, as Alice thought of them, I considered again going to the bookstore.

"I think it's a great idea!" Alice said, seeing my intent. She couldn't concretely see Bella's reaction to the books yet, because I hadn't decided which ones I would buy her, but most of the options were at least pleasant.

Once we were in the bookstore, I pulled up a handful of Shakespeare, because she had loved Romeo and Juliet so much. Then I picked up some classical novels, and when Alice saw that she would love them, I grabbed as many of the famous classics I could find.

I brought the mountain of books to the cash register, and plopped them down on the counter.

_Woah. Moving to a desert island? I wonder if this guy has ever heard of eBooks_, the cashier thought. She was a tall, black haired girl, and her thoughts indicated that the end of her shift was upon her.

"Did you find everythi–" _Oh my God, he's hot._ "Um… find everything okay? Uh, sir?" _Sir? What the hell is wrong with me, he's like my age. Why is he buying all these books? I'm sure he can find better _entertainment_ anywhere he likes._

"Yes, I found everything just fine," I answered, desperately trying to cut off her thoughts before they went to things I didn't want to see.

A little embarrassed with herself, she checked me out and piled the books into two over-sized bags. I pretended they were heavy when I lifted them.

Alice, always in a hurry to make it to the future, rushed us out of the mall and back to the car. For once, I was sharing in her pace. I wanted to see the look on Bella's face when I gave her the big bags of books.

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**I feel like this story is moving to slowly, but every time I try to speed it up, someone else has something to brood over. Anyway, I hope everyone's liking it still :)**


	12. Chapter 12

**This chapter is really short, but I have a few chapters backed up, so I'm just gonna post a bunch right now :D**

* * *

Edward:

Alice burst into the house like a hurricane knocking down the door, and made a beeline to Bella, who was trying to watch TV with a few discarded books tossed around her.

Jasper sensed my confusion as I picked one of the many books off the floor.

_She kept trying to read, but got frustrated every time. Eventually she turned on the TV, but she hasn't really been paying attention to it_, he explained.

She was paying attention to Alice, now, and honestly, she looked a bit scared. Alice was practically dumping the bags of new clothing onto the sofa and accosting Bella with them.

"I saw that you'd really like this one, if I could convince you to just wear it once," she lied, holding up one of the expensive dresses. "And this one is from Italy! It's technically last season, but it was one of the best things from last season, so I thought you wouldn't mind. And here we have–"

"Alice!" Carlisle cut her off. "Bring it down a notch, you're scaring the girl.

"No I'm not!" Alice protested. She turned to Bella. "Am I scaring you?"

Bella looked like a deer caught in the headlights, and she glanced frantically between Alice, Carlisle, and me.

Alice sighed. "Fine." She dropped most of her many clothing bags on the sofa and said, "Here you go. Put on whatever you like." She could see Bella putting on jeans and a tee shirt again, and she scowled. She took the remaining bags and ran off with them. "Rose! You'll do a fashion show with me, right?! I see you agreeing to it!"

Rosalie met her on the stairs, excited and grinning. It pleased her to no end that Alice was showing a preference for her over the girl, and for the first time, I realized that under all of Rose's anger was insecurity. Everyone was accepting and helping the girl, and Rose felt as though the new sister was overshadowing her place in the family. Sure, it was petty, but I was glad Alice had seen to buy Rose new clothes. She just needed to be reminded that the family cared about her, too.

_Hey Edward_, Emmett called out, greeting my attention. I turned to acknowledge him. _Are the clothes you guys got for Rose hot?_ He asked excitedly.

I rolled my eyes at him, but nodded.

"Hey, wait up, Rosie! I wanna see this fashion show!" he yelled as be bolted up the stairs and followed the girls into his and Rose's room.

Bella was apprehensively riffling through the clothes Alice had left for her. She looked worried for a while, but the concern vanished from her face when she found something. She pulled out the regular, mid-wash pair of jeans Alice had begrudgingly gotten for her. Then she excitedly dug deeper until she found one of the Prada tee shirts.

With her treasures in hand, she ran off to the bathroom to change. A minute later, she was back. She looked so comfortable in the new clothes, it had almost changed her as a person. Her shoulders weren't trying to close in on themselves, and she was standing straighter. Her expression was relieved, and when she caught me looking at her, she smiled at me like she knew I had been the one to talk Alice into buying her the clothes.

Alice, though upstairs, had been keeping an eye on Bella's clothing choice, and was promising to fix her fashion sense soon enough. I didn't think there was anything wrong with her fashion sense. I thought she looked amazing.

Bella returned to the sofa and stated stuffing the rest of the clothes into the bags Alice had flung them out of. Suddenly, I remembered the books I had gotten for her. I placed these bags on the sofa with the others, and Bella looked up at me warily, perhaps afraid that I had more clothes for her. She looked at the bags and noticed with green pattern on them, and her eyes shot back up to me hopefully.

I smiled at her, and pulled one of the books out of the bag. Wuthering Heights. "I didn't know what you liked, so I just grabbed some of the usual suspects." I held the book out to her. She grabbed it excitedly and examined it for a moment.

She clutched the book to her chest and looked up at me like I was an angel from heaven. "_Thank you_," she said, and the words were so heartfelt and sincere, I felt like an angel.

I beamed at her, so glad I brought some light into her life. "You're welcome."

Bella immediately dove into the volume I'd delivered to her, and I pulled out the copy of A Midsummer Night's Dream that I'd gotten for her, just so that I could stay on the couch with her, even with the wall of bags between us.

* * *

**Brace yourselves for the chapter dump!**

**Also, can I just say, I really didn't like how stuff happened with Rosalie in the books. I know she was being silly and petty, mostly, but you would think that her family would have her back in some measure at least! So that's what I've done here (and it will happen again in later chapters): People being even mildly nice to Rose, and Rose being more open to her family.**


	13. Chapter 13

Bella:

The next few days continued as such: In the morning, everyone but Carlisle and Esme left the house to go to _high school_. It just seemed so ridiculous. Talk about wolves in sheep's clothing. Carlisle always asked me if I wanted to go hunting, and I always turned him down. Esme would ask next, and I would politely turn her away too. I just couldn't get past the idea that they had better things to do than take me out for a walk like I was their pet dog. In the afternoon, the rest of the family would come home. Rose would pointedly ignore Carlisle, and Jasper too was short with him. I imagined that they more than the others would take a long time to forgive him for inflicting me on the family. Alice would tell us where we could find some nice wild animals– maybe that was her superpower, sensing the closest deer – and Edward would take me out hunting. When we came home, he would either join one of his siblings in some game or activity, or he would read with me on the sofa.

It was different when Edward asked me to go hunting with him. I always felt I was making Carlisle and Esme nervous, and I could always feel their eyes on my back at every moment. Hunting with Edward was different. He was totally at ease when we were out together, and he didn't seem so afraid that I was seconds away from bolting. Sometimes, he even got a deer for himself. He also didn't try to make small talk, which was a relief.

Other than that, I would sit and read, mostly, or loaf around and try not to think about the more unpleasant worries that stalked me. It bothered me that my memories of Phoenix and my dad were all blurry and uncertain, and I obsessively tried to take account of everything for fear that otherwise I would forget it altogether. I also spent a significant amount of time worried that I had some sort of monster initiation around the corner. I was too afraid to bring it up, and instead tried to think of what I would do if on the night of the full moon a strung up, bleeding human was brought to me and the family stood around in dark colored cloaks while I drained their blood.

I shook the thought from my head. They were nice people. They were kind and polite and caring– most of them at least. I couldn't imagine any of them setting up such a dark ritual. Besides, full moons were a werewolf thing.

Were werewolves real too? I didn't think I could deal with it if they were. Perhaps I could ask Edward if I ever worked up the nerve to face him with all the questions I didn't _really_ want answered.

There was big one thing I realized now. I didn't hate Carlisle. I was so hung up on thinking of him as the one who had killed me, but as I looked over the end of my human life, I probably would have died anyway. Carlisle was a doctor. From what I heard in his 'how was your day, sweetie' conversations with Esme, he was a surgeon too. He probably realized that I was going to die out there, and he'd given me a second chance. Even if that second chance was a weird, thirsty life where my brain was weird and my body surprised me, and I couldn't handle any of my emotions. He had saved my life, and I had done nothing to thank him. Hell, I hadn't even said the words.

I decided easily that I had to fix that, but it took me a while to muster up the courage. It wasn't until Friday morning that I had resolved myself to it.

I watched as the siblings gathered their things and slid into the car, and I listened to them driving away. I was nervous enough about confronting Carlisle, and I didn't want an audience. I would have felt even better if Esme had an errand to run, too, but I wasn't going to wait around for a miracle.

I couldn't focus on reading while I procrastinated, so I turned on something trivial on TV. Carlisle was in his office reading, which was how he usually spent his early mornings, and Esme was applying paint swatches onto the wall in the kitchen to decide which one she liked best.

I took a deep breath, turned off the TV and flitted upstairs to Carlisle's study. The door was closed, and I suddenly felt very awkward and self-conscious. Carlisle obviously knew I was out here, but I wasn't sure I had permission to interrupt him. Would it be silly of me to knock? I did anyway.

"Come in," Carlisle voice said. I opened the door, but stayed standing in the doorway. I had never been in this room before– hell, I'd only been on this floor a couple times– and something felt wrong about invading Carlisle's personal space.

"Is everything alright?" he asked kindly. Kind Carlisle. That's why I was here, and I needed to remember it if I was going to fight the urge to bolt.

"Everything's fine," I answered.

He smiled at me and returned to his reading. I got the message, he was telling me I could stand in his doorway for as long as I liked.

I almost felt bad about interrupting his reading a second time, but I knew I had to say it.

"Thank you," I murmured, anxiety stopping my voice from being louder.

He put down his book and looked at me. I held his gaze, afraid to shy away now while the ball was already rolling. I felt so strange, and I realized that I'd made very little prolonged eye contact with anyone in such a long time.

I realized Carlisle didn't quite get what I had said, so I repeated myself. "Thank you," I said more confidently this time. "I was going to die, I know that, and I know that it wasn't an easy decision for you to make and I know that you regret it but I don't regret it so I wanted to tall you thank you for saving my life." I'd blurted it all out faster than I knew I could speak and it all just ran together. I dropped my eyes from his gaze. He was surprised, I could tell, and I felt like I was blushing, though my cheeks weren't hot like they usually got. I wondered if I even could blush any more.

"You're welcome," Carlisle said, still sounding a bit dumbfounded. "And I'm sorry," he added.

I looked at him again. This was the important part. "Don't be," I said. And apparently that was as much awkward conversation I could handle, but I flitted back downstairs and turned the TV back on to make my post-stress nerves go away.

* * *

**Bella is finally starting to come out of her shell a little. Isn't that nice :)**


	14. Chapter 14

**Well this one certainly wins the prize for longest chapter so far. I hope you all enjoy it :)**

* * *

Edward:

I hated going to school. I had always hated going to school, really, and I wished we had enrolled in college again this time instead of _high school_, but Forks was such a perfect location weather-wise, and there wasn't really much to choose from in the way of colleges around here.

I had never hated it as much as I did now, though, and I was trying to figure out why that was. I suspected it was because of Bella. It was stupid of me to be spending every day pretending to learn things I already knew while Carlisle and Esme were shouldered with watching her. I should be at home helping them.

Of course, if I voiced that concern to Carlisle, he'd blow me off. He was acutely aware of how much time I was sacrificing to help him with what he considered solely his responsibility, and he felt guilty enough about it already. He'd never let me skip school just to cover for him more.

By the time Friday rolled around, I was more anxious for a weekend than I had ever been. We were sitting at our usual lunch table, picking at horrible smelling human food. Alice was talking to Jasper about taking a hunting trip over the weekend. She needed some time to not worry about the future, and he needed the blood. Rosalie was complaining to Emmett in whispers about Carlisle, and Emmett was listening intently to her, though his thoughts betrayed that even he wished she would get over her anger.

"It's disgusting how much Carlisle and Esme dote on her," she whined. I wanted to demand to know how trying to make Bella feel less uncomfortable and more at home by occasionally checking in with her qualified doting. And I wanted to remind her that she was nearly waited on hand and foot when she was a newborn. She demanded complete attention and complained until everything in our lives fit her needs.

Rosalie turned her head to me. "You must love school now, huh Edward? I know Carlisle says she refuses his offers to take her hunting. But I'm sure if you stopped taking her after school every day, she'd go with him eventually."

I was furious at her suggestion. I was so frustrated with Rosalie's endless complaining, it was actually making me furious.

My response came out sharper than I had intended. "You know what, Rose, at least when Bella and I go hunting, I get some peace and quiet."

Everyone at the table was shocked that I'd snapped at her. Rosalie huffed and turned away from me. Emmett's mental voice was as angry and disappointed as it got (which was not very) and he was thinking, _Come on, man. That was unnecessary._ He had been working so hard to pull Rosalie out of the mood she'd been in for the last few days, and he knew I had just put him back so many steps.

I felt bad. "Look, Rose, I'm sorry, okay? Short fuse, I guess." She still didn't acknowledge me. I knew two words that would help ease her annoyance. "You're right, I'm stressed. I didn't mean it."

She blew out the breath she'd been holding and looked at me finally, if not a little disdainfully.

"Fine," she conceded, and I could tell from her thoughts that she at least somewhat meant it. Good. The last thing I needed in my life right now was an angry Rosalie thinking constantly about how I'd wronged her.

The last classes of the day dragged on forever, and I considered a few times just standing up in the middle of Spanish class and walking out. What was Mrs. Goff going to say? She knew I spoke Spanish better that she did.

I lasted the hour, barely, and rushed to the car. It took my siblings a couple minutes to join me, because they were doing a better job at acting human than I was. I sped home, without saying a word. By now, my siblings were used to my bad moods, and tried not to think too much of them.

When we walked into the house, Bella didn't even look up from the sofa, like she usually did. She usually smiled at us when we came home. She usually looked at me and smiled and put down her book or turned off the TV and got ready to leave with me. The fact that she wasn't doing that now inexplicably made my bad mood even worse.

I approached her, "Aren't we going hunting?" I asked, more tersely than I had meant to.

She glanced at me for a fraction of a second, but buried her nose back in her book. "No I'm not thirsty," she muttered so quickly it was almost one word. I couldn't place the emotion on her face, hidden in Pride and Prejudice as it was, but Jasper placed it for me. He got nervous whenever the newborn did something different, concerned that even the slightest change of temperament could end in her fleeing and exposing us or being provoked to attack. He didn't find inclinations to either of those options, but apparently Bella was intensely embarrassed. I wondered if Carlisle knew what the source of it was. I pretended to be nonchalant as I wandered upstairs and drifted towards Carlisle's office. He knew better.

_Worried what's under Bella's skin?_ He asked.

"Yeah," I admitted.

_I think she's just embarrassed,_ he guessed correctly. He ran over his memory of earlier that day, when Bella had approached him, flustered and self-conscious, and spoken more consecutive words than I had ever even imagined her saying.

He smiled at the memory.

"Is that all?" I asked. It seemed too inconsequential to be such a big source of embarrassment for her, but then again, she certainly was shy enough.

_That's all. Unless she's preoccupied with something else too._

"Alright. What's your work schedule this weekend?" I asked. Carlisle almost always picked up extra shifts on the weekend, and I was hoping he had again. I didn't know why I was hoping he wouldn't be around, except that it raised my chances of being the person who took Bella hunting. I knew he intended to lift that burden from my shoulders this weekend, if she would allow him. I just didn't want him to be going out of his way to save me from something I didn't want to be saved from.

_I actually have most of the weekend off,_ he stated proudly. _So you can finally take a break. I'm sure Bella will understand when I tell her she'll be hunting with me tomorrow._ He smiled at me, expecting me to be gracious. I smiled back, forcing it in an attempt to not disappoint him. Great, now not only did Bella refuse to go out with me tonight, but she would leave me behind all weekend.

Why did I care if Bella hunted with Carlisle instead of me? It wasn't a big deal, and I should be glad for the reprieve. I told my family I liked the peace and quiet of being with Bella, but that wasn't even really true. I was dying to know her mind almost every second I was with her. If I really wanted peace and quiet, I could always just escape to my meadow. I could go there tomorrow while Carlisle was out with Bella. I could go there right now.

Carlisle realized my bad mood. _Is everything alright?_ he asked.

"Fine," I answered. "I've just been in a bad mood all day. I think I'm going to go for a run." I told him.

Carlisle eyed me suspiciously. He didn't understand where my mood had come from. _Alright, then_.

I left his office and dropped my nearly empty book bag in my room before I left. Carlisle was right to question my mood. I didn't know where it had come from either, but it felt like a lead weight in my stomach. I heard Esme's concern for me as I passed the kitchen, and I wished she wouldn't worry. Jasper was worried to.

_Do you need a calming influence?_ he asked.

"No. Just some fresh air," I grumbled back. I left the house and ran toward the river. I stopped for a second at the river bank, deciding whether I wanted to lie in my meadow or just run as far as I could. I didn't really want to do either.

I heard footsteps approaching, but no voice, and that could only be one person. An ounce of excitement thrilled through me.

There was a long silent moment after she reached me.

"Yes, Bella?" I finally said, without even turning to look at her. I suddenly realized how jealous I was. She had talked to Carlisle and it was more than just a 'yes' 'no' or 'fine.' She had _initiated_ a conversation. _Why_ wouldn't she talk to _me_?! It was almost as if she knew I was dying to read her mind and she was doing everything in her power to keep me out.

She didn't say anything.

I quickly turned around to face her, and snapped, "What is it? What do you want?"

I regretted it immediately. Her eyes went wide with surprise and her bottom lip began to tremble. She bit it in an attempt to make it stop, but I could still see the hurt in her eyes.

I reached out to her, but she leaned away from my hand.

I was so frustrated with myself! Was there anything I could do today that wouldn't go wrong?!

"I'm sorry. I wasn't thinking. Forgive me," I said.

She was still looking at me like I had scared her. I hated it. I had done everything I could to put myself in her good graces and she _did_ favor me for it. She turned down my parents every day on their hunting invitations and waited for me. She refused to sit near anyone else, opting to read in the dining room rather than share the couch with anyone, unless the other person was me. She barely even acknowledged the presence of anyone, but she smiled at me when I went near her. She trusted me, and I wanted her to trust me, and I might have just ruined that.

I _really_ didn't want to have ruined it.

"Forgive me?" I asked, but it sounded like a plea.

She nodded slowly, but apprehensively, and her apprehension stifled my relief. _At least she agreed to forgive me at all,_ I thought.

"I'm going for a run," I told her, trying to speak softly. "Would you like to come with me?"

She glanced back at the house, probably deciding she would be better off back on the sofa than trying to accomplish whatever she'd met me out here for, but she looked back at me and nodded again.

There was a warmth in my stomach, buddied up with the lead. I was so glad that at least one apology today wasn't in vain.

I smiled at her. "Let's go," I said.

She smiled back, and took my hand like she had the first day. I hadn't been expecting her to do it, and when her hand snaked into mine, I swear I felt the shock of static electricity. We ran together for a long time. She didn't say anything, but I could tell she was unwinding. I was too. My bad mood vanished more and more with every mile, and we had travelled quiet a few. We stopped after over an hour. I didn't want to, I wanted to run like this forever, but Bella stopped by a river and I stayed with her. She let go of my hand, and I wanted to groan. I didn't generally like physical contact, but it was different this time. Usually, being in contact with a person just amplified their thoughts. If I wanted any chance of ignoring the minds all around me, I couldn't ouch them at all. Bella's mind remained completely silent, and though it frustrated me, it was nice, too. I had never been able to spend so much time with another person without desperately wanting to get away from them.

Regardless, I wanted to know Bella's thoughts now. I thought about what she had said to Carlisle. She said she knew it was a difficult decision for him, and that she knew he regretted it. She was only half-right on the second point– Carlisle had been endlessly waffling between regretting and not regretting his decision – but I was astounded she had noticed that much, or that she had had the compassion to see Carlisle's struggle and want to put his mind at ease. I had been under the impression that because she never spoke, she wasn't listening, and now I wondered just how much she knew about us.

Bella took off her shoes and rolled up her pants, and before I could wonder why, she sat by the riverbank and put her feet in the water. I knew her feet couldn't _need_ relief, but she looked so peaceful that I decided to join her. I put my shoes in the grass next to hers, and sat by her side. She smiled at me when I did, and it was a wide, genuine smile.

I wished she would speak.

She must have read _my_ mind, because she did speak. "Thanks for letting me come with you."

I was shocked. Would I ever stop being shocked every time she opened her mouth?

"No problem," I said, smiling again. "It's nice having you along. You're very quiet."

She seemed a little taken aback by that, and I rushed to clarify, "Not that I don't like it when you talk! Obviously, if you want to talk, I want to hear it. Anything."

She smiled and shook her head like she was amused by what I said. I wanted to know what she was thinking about. The question consumed my mind.

"What are you thinking?" I asked. I hadn't meant to, it happened of it's own accord.

She looked at me with half a smile. "Really?" she asked.

I was so hopeful that she would finally tell me that my response came out too fast and desperate.

"Yes, really, please."

She lost her smile and sighed. She turned away from me and looked at her reflection rippling in the water. For a second, I was worried that she wasn't going to answer me, that she was just dangling what I wanted in front of me for sport.

"You're family doesn't like me," she said. She stated it like it was a fact, and I wouldn't feel right telling her she was wrong, really.

"They don't _not_ like you," I hedged.

Bella looked up at me, incredulous and amused, and after a second of looking into my eyes, she burst into laughter.

I had never experienced her laughter before, and it was the purest sound I'd ever heard. It made something rise up within me; I couldn't help but laugh with her.

She finally regain control of herself, and I quieted down with her.

She sighed and said, "Okay, maybe they _don't_ not like me, but I'm making everything more difficult for them. Rose hates me for encroaching on her territory, and she's so angry with Carlisle for turning me. Emmett agrees with everything Rose says and does, so he can't stand to be around me either. Jasper thinks I'm going to bring some great doom down on you guys and I give Alice headaches– not to mention how disappointed she was when I didn't like her clothes. I think I really offended her!" I was slack jawed. I couldn't believe Bella had noticed any of those things, let alone all of them. Hell, I didn't even realize she knew the names of everyone in the family. I wanted to say something, anything, but she continued. "And then Esme is worried that I'm tearing her family apart, and Carlisle thinks he made a huge mistake by not letting me die a human."

I could hardly process how accurate she was. "Bella, how do you _know_ all that?" I asked. I realized that she must have a sixth sense like mine or Jasper's that made her extra sensitive to the people around her.

"Well I don't read minds, if that's what you're wondering." She stared pointedly at me. Had she figured out that too?

I looked back at her, challenging her to voice her theory.

She laughed. "Okay, either you're being difficult or you don't read minds," she admitted. "But I thought for sure from the way you're always talking to people when they haven't said anything. And earlier today, back at the house with Carlisle. You went into Carlisle's study and it sounded like you were on the phone– there was no other half to your conversation. I don't know, it made sense at the time," she admitted, embarrassed. She thought she was wrong.

"No, Bella, you're completely right. I do read minds," I told her.

She straightened up in excitement. "Really?! I'm right?! Okay, what am I thinking about?" she asked. She scrunched her eyes closed and focused very hard on something. She looked so cute. I wished I knew what she was thinking about.

I sighed, and touched her to get her to open her eyes. "I can't read _your_ mind," I explained.

"Oh," she said. She sounded pensive. "I guess that's for the best. I think some really weird things sometimes."

Gah! Did she know how crazy that admission was going to drive me?!

"So who else is immune to your mind reading? Anybody in the family?" she asked.

"Uh, no. Nobody else, so far, just you," I told her.

She looked alarmed. "_Just_ me? Nobody else _ever_?" she demanded.

I didn't understand why that bothered her so much. On the other hand, I knew exactly why it bothered me. "Yeah. Just you. Why?" She looked back at her reflection in the water.

"Hey, Bella, what's wrong?" I asked.

"So I'm some sort of brain freak?!" She screeched. The frantic craze had set in quickly, and I was immediately and forcefully reminded that Bella was a newborn and that her emotions would get away from her.

"No, Bella, no," I said, trying to calm her. I grabbed one of her hands in both of mine and stroked her fingers with my thumb. "No, you're not a freak. Who knows what it is. Maybe you have an ability too," I suggested. It was the first time it had occurred to me, and I realized I might be right.

That calmed her some. "Like Alice and Jasper?"

Of course she knew about them too. Why was I even surprised anymore? "You notice everything, don't you?" I asked her.

She smiled, taking the compliment. "Alice is always talking about the things she has 'seen,' and she always knows where to go hunting. As for Jasper, Rose is always telling Jasper to stop trying to make her feel better. So Alice gets some sort of mystic visions and Jasper can cheer people up?" she guessed.

I laughed. She was amazing. "Very close. Alice does get visions of the future, but they're pretty subjective. Everything can change if one person makes a different decision. And Jasper can in fact cheer people up, but it doesn't stop there. Jasper can sense the emotions of people, and he can influence them in any way he likes." Bella looked amazed. "He mostly uses his powers for good. And sometimes for messing with Emmett," I joked.

Bella laughed again, just as I was hoping she would.

I was not hoping she would do what she did next. She pulled her hand gently from mine and stood up.

I wasn't ready to leave yet. Bella and I had just started talking, and I had learned so much about her already. I wanted to stay! But she was putting on her shoes, and I knew I had no real reason to keep her here. I got up and put my shoes back on too.

The run back home wasn't quite as pleasant as the run out. This time, Bella and I ran separately. Where the run out was therapeutic and weight lifting, the run back was bleak. I wasn't especially eager to get back to everyone, and I couldn't stop berating myself for not noticing how perceptive Bella was. Here I thought I was the one who knew everybody inside and out. It turns out, without my sixth sense, I was completely blind. Even so, looking back, I was surprised I didn't see this in her. She was always so attentive and responsive and nothing ever needed to be explained to her. Was I really so bad at reading people when I couldn't read their minds? And more importantly, what other parts of Bella's character had I missed?

* * *

**Yay! Bella and Edward finally talk to each other! God, it took waaaay too long to get to this point!**

**So this is the end of the chapters for now (I guess it wasn't really that many, but this last one felt so long...), but maybe I can get some more done for tonight :)**

**I hope this made everyone happy! Thank you, all my readers and reviewers!**


	15. Chapter 15

Bella:

I didn't want the day to come. Of course, there was no fighting it– it was already here. After Edward and I went on our run last night, I was so excited to go out with him today. It was my first Saturday, and that meant that Edward and his siblings (_our_ siblings?) wouldn't have to go to school. In my mind, that meant that I had all day to spend with Edward. I was hoping we could go out for a hunting trip that involved a long run. I was hoping that I would have the chance to talk to him more. There was so much I still had to ask him!

But of course, nothing was going how I'd hoped. When we got home last night, Edward picked up a book and settled on our sofa. I picked one too, and went to sit next to him. It felt strange and new, sitting _next_ to Edward instead of on opposite sides on the long sofa, but it felt better too. I wanted to lean into him while I read, but I thought that might be crossing some sort of physical contact barrier. Edward didn't seem to be into much physical contact, if the way he interacted with his family was any guide.

Carlisle came home from work late, as he always did, and told me the 'good news.'

"I have the entire day off at the hospital tomorrow, so I thought I'd take you off Edward's hands for once and we could have a big hunting trip. There's a park up North where I'm sure we could find you a bear or mountain lion," he'd announced. I hadn't even realized until then that I was something _on_ Edward's hand that needed to be taken off. Had Edward expressed to Carlisle his annoyance with always having to take me everywhere? Had I been taking his willingness to escort me for granted and abusing his friendship? I really hoped I wasn't making him so miserable, and I _really_ wished I had taken up Carlisle or Esme on more of their offers to go hunting during the day. Maybe if I hadn't infringed on all of Edward's afternoons, he wouldn't be so eager to see me gone all day today.

It was about nine am when I put down my book and went to go get changed for the day. All of my clothes were still in the bags, mostly, and some of them were hung in the living room coat closet. I was offered Jasper's room very early on, he insisted that he could move his stuff into Alice's room so that I could have my own space, but I felt so horrible pushing Jasper out of his own room that I insisted I didn't want a room at all and argued that I didn't really need one seeing as I never had to sleep. I won that battle, and sometimes I wish I hadn't. I might have been nice to have a space of my own to escape to. I wouldn't make a deal out of it, though. Esme had already promised me that next time we moved I would get a place of my own, be it a bedroom or an office, if I preferred.

I barely made it into my new change of clothes before the house was in red alert. When I went into the bathroom, everyone was calm and quiet and relaxed, and by the time I came out, they were rushing around like worker bees. I couldn't figure out what had happened. All I had heard was Alice say, "Three minutes! Everyone get ready!"

Three minutes until what? Emmett and Rose and Jasper had all changed into pajamas in no time, and Esme was starting to cook breakfast. They didn't even _eat_ breakfast.

Carlisle met me at the bathroom door. "We're going to have to leave now," he said.

"Why?" I asked.

"Alice sees a human visitor coming, so you need to be out of the house and far away," he explained. He obviously saw my concerned expression, and rushed to sooth it. "Try to think of it as just leaving early for our hunting trip," he said with a smile.

I didn't want to leave early for our hunting trip. I didn't want to go on our hunting trip at all.

Edward joined us. He wasn't in pajamas like the others were.

"Maybe it's best if I take her," he suggested. The idea thrilled me

"No Edward, you've taken too much responsibility already. I can't ask you to do this too," Carlisle argued.

"Carlisle, Mrs. Harris is going to get suspicious if you're not here. I, on the other hand, won't be missed. You can tell her I'm sick in bed, or that I'm just lazy if you want. But you're who she's coming to see," Edward reasoned back.

Carlisle seemed to think about that for a minute. He obviously knew Edward was right, but didn't want to force me upon him again.

"I don't mind Carlisle, really," Edward said, responding to some thought. "It's what needs to be done."

Carlisle sighed, and went off to prepare like everyone else. I felt horrible, but I was also excited, which made me feel more horrible. Edward was supposed to have some free time today, and now he was going to be stuck with me all day. I didn't want to admit how glad I was that I would be out with Edward instead of Carlisle, and I promised myself that I would make it up to him during the week. I would hunt every day with Carlisle or Esme so that he would be off the hook by the time he got home.

Edward grabbed my hand, and with a half smile and a spark of excitement in his eye, said, "Let's go."

Alice yelled, "Take your time! She's a blabberer!" after us as we ran, and I swear I saw Edward grin.

* * *

**I almost didn't want to ruin this with an A/N, because it was exactly 100 words, but ah well. ****Turns out Edward is getting his Bella fix today anyway :)**

**Just FYI, because I don't think this ever is going to be explained: Mrs. Harris is an old lady who lives in Forks. Carlisle 'saved her life' when she came in for a surgery, and now she makes casseroles and brings them to the Cullens every now and then in thanks.**


	16. Chapter 16

Bella:

Edward and I ran very far, further than I'd ever run with him before, and faster, too. I wasn't positive our feet were touching the ground at all as he led us through the forest. We finally stopped in a clearing by a cliff side. Edward didn't let go of my hand, so I didn't let go either. He looked around a little confused.

"What?" I asked.

"Alice saw a herd here, but something must have scared them away," he explained. "We'll have to keep looking."

"We don't _have_ to," I said. Edward looked at me inquisitively, so I continued, "I'm not all that thirsty," I lied, "and I was hoping…" I trailed off.

"Yes?" Edward prompted.

I had wanted to finally ask Edward all the questions I'd had, but I felt self-conscious about them now. Most of them were silly, and I didn't want him to think I was an idiot.

Edward let out a tense sigh. "Do you know how frustrating you are? I wish I could read your mind. I'm always trying to figure out what you're thinking!"

I laughed. "I thought you liked the quiet," I challenged.

He shook his head, "I do, but I hate not knowing what's going on in that head of yours. Especially when you're being cryptic."

"When _I'm_ being cryptic?" I asked incredulously. He was the one that was impossible to read.

"Yes," he teased. "Like when you start a sentence and then don't finish it," he punctuated the sentence by tapping his finger on my nose. It made me smile, and he smiled in return.

"Well what about you and your silent conversations? Or, better yet, when you tell Carlisle you're sick of taking me hunting but don't bother mentioning it to me," I accused.

"What?" he asked, completely confused. I hadn't meant to say it, but now that it was out there, I thought I should explain myself.

"You know, with Carlisle saying he wanted to 'take me off your hands.' You know, if you were tired of hunting with me, you could have just said so, I would have gone with Carlisle or Esme while you were at school."

He was looking at me like I'd grown another head.

"Bella, I _love_ hunting with you. It's the highlight of my day. Where in the world did you get the idea that I didn't?"

"Everyone acts like you've drawn the short stick with how much you have to take care of me. I don't know why you do it," I admitted. I dropped my gaze to me feet. It was an embarrassing thing to admit.

"Bella, hey," Edward said. He put his free hand – the one I wasn't still holding– under my chin and made me look at him. "I haven't drawn the short stick, okay. I choose to take you hunting every day. I like being with you. I enjoy your company, and honestly, I appreciate the time out of that house."

"Really?" I asked him.

"Really," he answered forcefully. He really wanted me to understand this, and I think I finally did. I smiled at him.

"Thanks," I said.

"Of course. Is there anything else you need to get off your chest?" he joked.

I bit my lip and glanced up at him.

He laughed. "Of course there is. Okay, shoot. What's up?"

"Why don't we sleep in coffins?" I asked him.

He burst out into laughter, and I laughed with him. I admit, it was a pretty ridiculous question.

When he controlled himself, he said, "That's only a myth, Bella."

I jumped into my next question, "And what happens with garlic? Is that real?"

He laughed again. "No, that's not. We're also able to tolerate crosses," he quipped.

"Okay, but what about a wooden stake?" I asked.

"You tell me Bella, do you really think a little piece of wood could break through your skin?"

"No, I guess not. I feel like nothing could," I admitted.

"Almost nothing can," he said. I thought about that for a long time, then I thought about one of the questions I wasn't sure I wanted the answer to.

"Are we immortal?" I asked quietly.

Edward brushed a lock of my hair behind my ear, looked into my eyes and said, "Yes."

I tried to let it sink in. I was immortal. I was never going to die. _Never_. It seemed like too long of a time. I didn't even know what I would do for eternity. I didn't think the big bag of books was even going to last me until the end of the month.

Edward began to clarify, "I guess we aren't entirely immortal. We _can_ be killed, but pretty much only by other vampires. Some of our kind are thousands of years old."

_Thousands of years_, I thought. "How old are you?" I asked suddenly. I wished I hadn't, asking about age was rude for humans, was it rude for vampires too?

Edward chuckled once, like he was reluctant to admit it. "Well, technically, I'm seventeen," he said. "But…"

"But?" I prompted. I really shouldn't pry like this.

"But I was born in 1901. One hundred and four years ago."

Every gear in my brain stopped turning. It was one thing to hear that some vampires were thousands of years old, but to learn that Edward was over one hundred. It was surreal.

"Does that bother you?" he asked. I looked back to him and saw that he looked worried and self-conscious.

"No! no," I assured him. "I just… I can't really wrap my brain around it."

"Yeah, I guess it is a little strange," he admitted. "I'd better not tell you how old Carlisle is," he joked.

I wanted to laugh, but my big question was now begging me to ask it.

"Edward," I started somberly.

He sobered out of his joking mood immediately. "Yes?"

"In myths, about vampires…" I didn't even know how to ask this question. "They… they're always… Edward, vampires are always drinking _human_ blood," I finally managed. I realized it wasn't a question, but judging by the dark look that came over Edward's face, he understood what I was asking.

"Bella," he started. "We haven't talked about _that_ yet for a reason."

I was suddenly freaking out. "Oh my God, I knew it. There _is_ going be some creepy initiation and I'm going to have to kill a virgin on the full moon or something, aren't I? Edward, I don't want to! Please, I don't know what all this vampire stuff is about but I just don't want to _hurt _people! You aren't going to make me, are you?"

"Woah, woah, Bella, calm down!" Edward urged. He let go of my hand to grab me by both shoulders. "Bella, no, nobody is going to make you hurt anyone!"

When I looked up at him, I knew he could see how scared I still was.

He smiled and shook his head like I was being silly. "Bella, we haven't brought up the whole 'human blood' thing because we thought it would be better for you to get accustomed to animal blood first, so that it would be easier to understand and easier to resist."

"Resist what?" I asked.

"Blood. You're lucky enough to not have come face to face with a human yet, but you'll understand when you do. Most newborns are too preoccupied with slaking their thirst that they don't even stop to think about the people who are dying."

"But I don't _want_ to kill anybody!" I whined.

"Good," Edward said, satisfied. "Then we aren't going to let you. I promise."

I was satisfied too. I sighed in relief and Edward let go of my shoulders. Without thinking, I threw my arms around him and hugged him. He was still for a moment, but hugged me back. I realized then that I had broken Edward's personal space bubble. From what I had seen, nobody ever did that.

I pulled back. "Sorry. I know how you are about touching," I said.

He looked at me with an eyebrow raised, like he had no idea what I was talking about.

"You never let people touch you. I thought you didn't like it," I explained.

He shook his head, amazed. "That doesn't apply to you, Bella."

"What? Why not?" I asked.

"With everyone else, the second I'm in physical contact, their thoughts are amplified in my head. It feels like they're screaming. But obviously, in your case…"

I smiled and hugged him again. He wrapped his arms around me and held me to him. I felt more calm in that moment than I had all week.

"Can I tell you something else?" I asked him.

He smiled at me welcomingly and answered, "Of course."

"I lied when I said I wasn't thirsty."

Edward laughed, and the humor was back in our lives. "I know," he told me as he let go of me. "Let's find ourselves some deer."

* * *

**Yay! Bella is finally starting to really feel comfortable around Edward, and they're talking even more!**


	17. Chapter 17

**Okay everyone, so I have some news. I finished the outline for this story last night, and I really hope at least some of you are buckled in for the long haul, because my God, this story goes on FOREVER. It's ridiculous. It's so long! It's terrifying me a little, but I'm determined to see this to the end!**

**Also, this chapter is mixing it up a little. In general, this story in going to be in the POV of Edward or Bella, but a few guest narrators every now and then should be fun :)**

* * *

Jasper:

Edward and Bella were only out for a few hours. I had expected them to be gone longer than that. It didn't matter very much, Mrs. Harris had left a while ago, and her scent had already cleared the house. When Bella and Edward broke through the trees into our backyard, they were laughing about something. Esme and I, who were both sitting by the large glass doors, turned to look at them. I hadn't heard Edward laugh like that in a long time, and I realized finally why Edward was always the one to leave with Bella. As they got closer to the house, I could more clearly sense their feelings. They were lighthearted and happy and laced with comfort and camaraderie. All this time, we had all been worrying about Bella as a newborn, and Edward was the only one to see her as a person. He was the only one to see her as a friend.

Esme noticed what I did, and her feelings were warm and approving. I didn't need Edward's gift to know what she was thinking. Our brother had been so depressed lately, and she was glad he was laughing and smiling again.

They entered the house and Esme asked, "How was your hunt?"

Edward turned his focus off Bella and on to our mother. "Pleasant," he answered. "I hope we didn't overshoot the timing by too much," he said, though I could tell he didn't really care how long they'd been gone.

"It's no matter," Esme assured him. "Did you enjoy yourself, Bella?"

Bella didn't answer. Everyone in the room stiffened as we registered the look in Bella's eyes. She started towards the front door, and Alice yelped from upstairs, seeing some dark future. Edward tried to grab her hand, but she yanked hers away and bolted. Edward and I were immediately after her.

Edward reached her first, and he yanked her away from the door. She twisted to face him and threw him over her shoulder and into the wall separating the living room from the dining room. Free, she crouched to dive _through_ the front door instead of opening it, and I grabbed her by the ankle in the middle of the air and threw her back into the living room. She landed on her feet, and when I lunged at her, she tried to grab me. I dodged her grasp and knocked her legs out from under her. She growled and tried to jump on me, but I caught her and threw her back to the ground. Edward rejoined the fight then. She wasn't expecting him to grab her, and he managed to wrap both his arms around her. That might have been the end of it, Except that Bella was a newborn, and newborns were stronger. She broke free from his grasp and when he tried to get his hands back on her, she threw him again, this time through the front window. She sidestepped my attempt to grab her and launched herself towards the broken window too. Emmett intercepted her, and she crashed into him. He grabbed one on her wrists and twisted it behind her back. Before she could squirm out of it, I ran and grabbed her other arm in an equal fashion.

She writhed and kicked and screamed, but strong as she was, she couldn't get away from both of us. Edward reappeared in front of her, and instead of helping us hold her down, he put his hands on her face and started speaking to her.

"Shh, Bella, calm down. It's okay. Calm down."

She stopped screaming, but was still trying to get out of our grasp. Carlisle appeared, realizing what was happening, and ordered, "Take her outside."

Esme opened the back door for us and we complied.

Emmett and I ran, carrying Bella and followed by Edward, until we were past the river and in the woods. She still thrashed against us, and I tried to calm her with my gift, but it wasn't taking.

We stopped once we were far enough from the house, and Edward went back to trying to talk to her.

_You know that's not going to do anything, right?_ I asked him. _She's too far gone._

Edward ignored me and kept talking to her.

"Bella, pay attention, deep breaths, we're outside now. Listen to my voice." Astoundingly, she began to calm down. He continued, "Good, Bella, listen, remember, you don't want to hurt anybody." She stopped writhing when he said that, which was impossible. He put his hand on her face and made her look at him, and she actually held his eye contact. "Okay, Bella. Okay? You're not going to hurt anyone. You're okay."

Her breathing was still ragged, and she still felt frantic and frazzled, but she actually _nodded_ at what Edward was saying.

_Dude, what the hell are you doing?_ I demanded. Edward didn't look at me to answer, he just kept eye contact with Bella and kept saying calming things to her.

After a minute, I felt Bella's arms pull on my grasp again. I tightened my hold, but Edward said, "Let her go."

_No. You're insane._ I told him. I had so much more experience with handling newborns than Edward did, and if she was calm now, it was either a temporary reprieve or a façade to get her away from her captors. Edward looked at me like I didn't understand.

"Trust me," he asked.

Emmett and I shared a glance, and silently agreed. We let go of Bella. The second we weren't holding her, her arms shot forward like they had been spring-loaded and she launched herself onto Edward. I moved to pull her off, afraid that she was attacking him, but her arms wrapped around his neck and he grabbed her around the waist and held onto her. She began to sob.

Regret was emanating off Bella so strongly, I almost couldn't make out the other emotions around me. But she had a thick layer of embarrassment under the regret, and Edward was dripping with concern.

None of this situation made any sense. Getting a newborn out of a blood craze was _never_ this easy. In my army days, I had plenty of times taken hours of emotional manipulation to get through to a young vampire, and even then they were still obsessed with thirst. They were never fully calmed until I had brought them their prey and they had the chance to drink. I wondered how long this could last before she remembered what she had wanted before and snapped again.

Emmett was as confused as I was, and I could tell he wanted to go back to the house to tell everyone it was over. He stayed with me though, just in case we had to restrain Bella again. Usually, I was confident that Edward and I could out-fight and contain any vampire, but apparently his fighting skills left something to be desired when he couldn't read the mind of his opponent.

Edward glared at me for thinking that. _Sorry, but I'm not going to say it's not true_. He opened his mouth to say something– probably to tell me to stuff it based on how annoyed he felt towards me – but Bella spoke first.

"I'm so sorry," she whispered as she sobbed. "I didn't mean to. I don't– I don't know what came over me. I threw you into a _wall_!"

"Don't worry, Bella, it's alright. I'm fine. Jasper's fine. Everything is okay now," he reassured her.

"Esme is going to kill me for breaking her house!" she cried.

Edward, Emmett, and I all laughed at that, but I was shocked that she was perceptive enough to know Esme was the one she had to apologize to.

Edward mouthed the words, 'you have no idea,' over Bella's shoulder.

So she was perceptive. _She's not gifted like you or me, is she?_ I asked.

Edward shook his head almost imperceptively.

_She's a strange one, isn't she?_ I asked. He laughed once, and I took that as a confirmation.

Bella straightened up and pulled away from Edward. I coiled, ready to chase after her if she tried to run.

She didn't. She took a deep breath and said, "Now what?"

Edward answered, "If I know Carlisle at all, he'll already be prepared to take you on a long hunting trip when we get back. Esme will probably use the repair job as an excuse to repaint half the house, and by the time you come home, there will be no trace of human scent for miles."

Bella nodded. Anxiety was building in her, and I tried to make it go away.

Edward did too, apparently, "Don't worry," he cooed. "It's all going to be okay. This sort of stuff happens, especially at the beginning. What's important is that nobody got hurt."

She nodded and hugged him quickly again. "Thank you… for keeping your promise."

"Of course. Let's head back, alright?"

Edward was right, of course, about Carlisle loading up for a hunting expedition. Everything he needed was already in the trunk of his Mercedes. Edward stayed with Bella by the river as Emmett and I went back inside.

Rosalie was fuming, and I wished she would stop. Alice was focusing hard on the future, but I could tell from the worried look on her face that she wasn't seeing very far. This whole trip was making her very anxious.

"We'll go with them," I suggested. I had already been uneasy about anyone going anywhere alone with Bella, and I didn't think Carlisle could contain her alone.

Alice nodded. I knew she would be thinking along the same lines as me. She didn't want to leave the newborn alone with Carlisle, and her gift would provide us with more coverage than even my expertise fighting newborns.

I wanted to bring Emmett with us, but worried about how that would affect Rosalie's already horrible disposition.

I decided it didn't matter, really. I would rather be safe from Bella– and keep Alice safe from Bella, if I was being honest – than spare Rose's petty feelings.

I wondered if Edward would insist on going too. When we left him with Bella, he was still worried about her, and knowing the control freak he could be, he probably wouldn't want to let her out of his sight.

Rose was complaining to Emmett about how horrible everything was for her, and I wanted to wait for her to start doing something else before I asked Emmett to go with us, because it would just make Rose even more irate. She didn't show any signs of stopping, though, so I had to intercede.

I barely approached them, and they both knew what I was going to ask. Rosalie glared at me, directing as much furious energy at me as she could. Emmett was torn. He did want to be stuck in the middle of this conflict, and he waned to side with Rosalie on principle.

"Rose," he said gently, "I should go. Keep everyone safe, y'know. Is that okay?" he asked. I never gave Emmett enough credit for how sly he was. Asking Rosalie's permission and putting the power back in her hands made here feel somewhat better.

She thought it over. She didn't want Emmett to leave her, but even angry as she was, she was worried about the safety of the family.

"You shouldn't have to go," she complained, but it sounded like a concession.

"It won't be that long," Emmett pleaded.

Rose huffed. "Fine. Go."

Emmett kissed her, deeply and lustier than I wanted to deal with, so I left them alone.

"We're ready to go," Carlisle called from the car. Alice had run upstairs to change, and she came back down in her hunting clothes, which of course were still high-end and high-fashion. Emmett whispered one last goodbye to Rosalie. I grabbed my sketchbook. I knew we were going to be out a while, and I wanted something to fiddle with while we were gone. As we loaded into the car, Edward told Bella to hold her breath, and they joined us at the car too. Bella got in the back seat between Emmett and me. Alice was in shotgun by my design. I didn't want her so close if something went wrong. Edward stopped to talk to Carlisle before he got in the car.

"Should I just follow you in my car?" he asked. He was upset with the idea, thought I couldn't figure why.

Carlisle put his hand on Edward's shoulder and obviously delivered unto him some long speech. Whatever it was, it was upsetting Edward greatly.

"Really, Carlisle, I'm fine," he argued.

Carlisle cocked an eyebrow at him.

"You might need me," he tried.

Whatever Carlisle was thinking of, it turned his emotions to guilt. Edward, still unhappy, sighed and nodded. Carlisle got in the driver's seat, and pulled us out of the driveway. Edward stared as we drove away, and I was glad to be away from the horrible deflated feeling he was experiencing.

* * *

**And just when things were starting to look up... What can I say? Newborn vampires will be newborn vampires. Bella may have much more sense and control than the average newborn, but not enough to stop her from chasing a human scent.**

**Jasper is a fun POV.**


	18. Chapter 18

Edward:

I wished I had fought harder to go with Carlisle. I wished I had just followed them when they left anyway. I wished I wasn't worrying about all of them so much.

Honestly, I didn't even know why I was worried. Bella wasn't going to hurt any of them, and even if she _did_ try, she wouldn't succeed. And I knew that none of them would hurt her.

A chill ran down my spine when it occurred to me that Jasper might. He was so used to getting rid of problems, he might not even think before tearing Bella to pieces if she attacked Alice.

No. I trusted my brother. He wouldn't hurt her.

I went back into the house to do what Carlisle had suggested: I was going to help Esme rebuild the wall and install the new window. We were used to these sorts of things happening at least once in a while, so the basement already had a small Home Depot's worth of plaster and plywood and tools.

I expected Esme to be down there, but she was on her laptop in the living room. I saw in her mind that she was thinking about the window. She was trying to find a replacement somewhere that she could get to by the end of the day.

"We don't need to replace the window tonight, Esme," I mentioned.

She looked at me, she hadn't realized I was reading over her shoulder.

"Oh, I know. I just thought it would be nice if everything could be fixed before they get back. Maybe Bella would be less embarrassed if it was." _She's such a sweet, shy girl, I can only imagine how hard she's taking this._ She added mentally.

I agreed whole-heartedly with Esme. Rosalie did not. She had overheard us from the living room, where she had been imagining how nice our life would be right now if Carlisle had just let Bella die. She was furious.

_Of course! Of course that's what Esme is worried about! We can't let anything bother _perfect little Bella_. This is disgusting. Everyone wants to just act like it didn't happen when it did! Now _we_ have to clean up _her_ mess while she gets a special Bella hunting trip! _

Rose was infuriating! I was so sick of her being petty and mean and self-centered.

"My God, Rose! Will you _shut up!_ Stop acting like this was a personal attack against you!" I yelled.

Rose appeared in the doorway, livid. "No! You stop acting like nothing happened and everything is fine!" She screamed. "You all treat Bella like she's some sort of fucking princess! She hasn't done a single good thing for this family since she got here! She's putting us in danger! And she barely even talks! Why is everyone so obsessed with her?!"

"What?" I demanded. "You'd rather we all go back to being obsessed with you! For Christ's sake, Rosalie, if you stopped being a selfish little brat for _five minutes_ you'd realize that we're all just trying to make it work!"

"What if I don't _want_ to make it work?!"

"Edward! Rosalie! Quiet!" Esme interrupted. I had almost never heard her yell, and it shut us both up. Once she had our attention, she brought her voice back down. "We are a _family_," she reminded us. "Rosalie, I know this has been hard for you, and it's okay to be upset, but please, there's no reason to lash out." She turned to me, "And Edward, you have no right to say those things to your sister." I opened my mouth to protest, but she held up a finger to shush me. "_Family,_" she stressed, "means we take care of each other and look out for each other and _most importantly_, we forgive each other for our faults and our blunders. And I think that's something that _both of you_ need to start thinking about."

Of course, Esme was right. She always was. Rose, though stubborn and petulant, looked over at me and thought, _Fine. Sorry._ Her tone was still upset and frustrated, but I could tell she meant it.

"Yeah, me too. Sorry," I said.

She nodded, deciding to accept my apology, and sulked out of the room to work on her car.

Esme smiled a somewhat exasperated smile, but she had assumed Rose apologized mentally and was glad that we had both seemed to forgiven each other.

"Now, Edward, would you mind a drive?" she asked. She had found a place where we could get a new window. It was an hour-long drive– in the opposite direction Carlisle had taken Bella.

I sighed. "Of course, Esme."

* * *

**So this chapter brings forward how I really feel about Rosalie. In the books, everyone treats her so badly for being a bitch, as if that won't make her more of a bitch. I just feel like a family that has been living with Rose for however many decades should understand by now how her mind works and be willing to deal with her even though she's not always the nicest sister. **

**I really think that when somebody acts out because they feel wronged or betrayed or whatever, blowing them off is the worst thing you can do. So instead of the family taking the stance of, "Oh you can ignore her, we all do," they're going to at least try to be a little supportive and forgiving. Maybe that's OOC, but I don't really care.**

**(rant over)**

**I know, this chapter is so short! I'll try to upload the next one as soon as possible (which details Bella's big hunting trip), but I'm still working my way through it! (Usually I have the chapters done the day before I post them, that way I have time to fix them up or go back and change things if I need to add/subtract a detail for the next chapter). Hopefully, I can get it up before the end of today, but I might not have it until tomorrow. Definitely tomorrow, though!**

**Thanks you thank you everyone who reads and reviews! I love you all!**


	19. Chapter 19

**Woot! Long chapter!**

* * *

Bella:

The car ride was easily one of the worst things I'd experienced in either of my lives. I was pinched between Emmett and Jasper in the back seat, which would have been bad enough if Emmett didn't take up nearly a seat and a half anyway. As it was, I was only on half of my seat, and a quarter of Jasper's. I could feel Jasper's seatbelt buckle under me, and I was glad that as a vampire sitting on hard things wasn't uncomfortable. I wanted to move it out of habit, but I had no desire to reach under myself to fiddle with it, so I left it there.

It wasn't hard to stop thinking about the buckle, not when I had my thirst to think about. Considering it had only been a couple hours since I'd hunted with Edward, my throat shouldn't be burning how it was. I knew what the difference was now. I'd finally smelled the sweet promise of human blood, and the tiny monster that burned in my throat and scratched when I didn't appease it was demanding I give it the only thing what would really put out the fire.

I tried to think about anything else. I thought about being in the forest with Edward, when I begged him not to let me become a murderer, and he held me and promised he wouldn't. The thought was calming, but I suspected that Jasper was influencing _how_ calming it was. I didn't want to stop him if he was, so I didn't ask.

I still hadn't stopped holding my breath, and it felt strange in two ways. It was strange not having a sense of smell to think about, and it was strange to not feel my lungs burning for air. They just sort of sat there.

The drive was mercilessly long. I wasn't sure how many hours we were in the car, but it was barely past mid-day when we left, and the sun set while we drove. The whole time, nobody spoke, and barley anybody moved. Carlisle was the only one who noticeable moved at all. He was driving, of course, but he also kept glancing at me in the rearview mirror. Jasper was sitting tensely with his jaw clenched. He didn't look at me, but the same way someone can feel eyes on their back, I practically felt him staring at me with his gift. He was focusing on and analyzing every one of my emotions, I was sure. Emmett was staring out his window, obviously bored out of his skull, and Alice was staring out hers too. I couldn't see her face well, but she looked like she was concentrating very hard, and I assumed that she must be keeping her finger on the pulse of the future. She looked worried. Did she see me deciding I wanted human blood and forcing my way out of the moving car to kill someone? Maybe I just ran off to escape the awkwardness of the car It actually wasn't a bad idea. I could probably get away from them. I was stronger than they were, I knew, and I'd bet I was faster too…

No, no, no! I was _not_ going to break out of the car! I _didn't_ need human blood and no amount of awkward would be worse than the awkward of apologizing to Carlisle for breaking his Mercedes and running away.

It was late into the nighttime when we arrived at our destination. It was a pretty park, even in the dark. We parked in an empty lot by the entrance, where people parked to go hiking, it seemed, and got out of the car. I still didn't breathe. I wouldn't until somebody told me to. If nothing else, it was a good excuse for me not to talk.

Alice directed us through the forest and uphill. Jasper stayed barely half a step behind me at all times, ready to pounce if I ran. I almost wanted to tell him to back off, but I didn't think that would be well received, and Jasper looked too deadly for me to want to pick at.

Emmett seemed to think Jasper's close eye on me was hilarious.

"Come on, man, she isn't going anywhere," he said. "And if she did, we'd have quite the game on our hands. Fifty bucks says I can wrestler her to the ground before you can!"

Alice laughed. "She'd have to run first, Emmett," she corrected. She turned to me and winked conspiratorially and added, "I know you won't."

At least someone had faith in me. That or Alice was a fan of creating self-fulfilling prophecies; If she told me that I didn't run in the future, I wouldn't, if only because I was told I didn't. Paradoxes, ugh.

I wasn't sure how I felt about Emmett's seeming excitement over having to chase me down and tackle me, but I decided it was better than me catching a wrong scent and killing someone. I would have felt better if I had known Edward was keeping an eye on me, though.

By the time we'd hiked enough into the park to start hunting, it had started to rain lightly. Even though I couldn't feel cold the same way I used to, and I wasn't going to be getting pneumonia, I still didn't like the rain. My shirt clung to my shoulders uncomfortably, and I hated the sloshing sound of all our feet in the mud. Nobody else seemed to care.

Alice spent a minute looking for the future, and finally found one she liked.

"If we run that way," she said, pointing East, "we should run into a herd of elk. There aren't too many of them, but it'll do."

Carlisle nodded, and we followed Alice's direction. They were downwind from us, so I didn't smell them at all until we were very close. They were in a clearing. Some were asleep, and some were grazing. When we approached them, they must have caught our scent, because the grazing ones were suddenly on high alert, and the sleeping ones started to wake up.

Alice nodded at me to go get one, and Emmett chuckled quietly behind me. I glanced around, and all four of them were staring at me expectantly. I swallowed hard and tried to make the self-conscious feeling go away. It didn't.

I stepped out from the trees and tried to sneak closer to my prey, but they sensed me, and suddenly they were on the move. I moved to chase after them, but I was grounded in mud, and my feet found no traction. Instead of running, I tripped forward, barely catching myself before I landed on the ground.

Emmett's laugher boomed so loudly that birds and squirrels all around us suddenly awoke and ran. I stood upright and tried to cling to my dignity. I was glad I wasn't human anymore, because I knew my face would have been as red as a fire truck. Flustered and embarrassed, I considered chasing the elk, but they were far off now and I didn't want to incite Jasper's instinct to attack me if I ran. I returned to the group, ashamed. I wished that Emmett would at least stop laughing, but everyone looked amused at my failure. Carlisle looked more pitying than amazed, I guess, but that was just as bad.

Carlisle put a hand on my shoulder to comfort me.

"Perhaps you and I could go look for something elsewhere," he suggested. How kind Carlisle was, offering to take me away from his laughing children because he realized how embarrassed I was. I was amazed that I had ever found a way to hate him, even if it hadn't lasted long.

"Is that really the best idea?" Jasper asked, all traces of amusement gone.

Carlisle stood his ground. "Yes, I believe it is. We'll only be gone a little while, and I've taken Bella hunting alone before. I have faith that she won't run off."

Wanted to cry and hug Carlisle and thank him, but instead I just stood awkwardly and waited for Jasper to speak again.

It was obvious he wanted to push his point, but decided against it. Instead, he looked me in the eye and warned, "Alice will be watching."

I nodded nervously, a little unsure what Alice would be watching for. They couldn't possible think I would _attack_ Carlisle, could they? Did they think I was that desperate to get away? I wasn't. Was I?

Carlisle squeezed my shoulder to get my attention. He smiled at me, and we ran.

It took us a long time to find anything, but I wasn't upset. I felt so much better away from everyone. It was like I hadn't really been breathing, and now air was coming more easily. I still wished Edward were here with me instead of Carlisle. Then I would have been completely at ease. But Carlisle was an easy second for hunting partners. He spoke very little, which meant I didn't have to speak either, and he seemed unfazed by the time it was taking us to find prey. I wanted to thank him for the reprieve from his children, but somehow, I felt he already knew I was grateful.

I thought it was about dawn when we finally stumbled across more elk, but it was hard to tell with the rainclouds hanging grey in the sky. I was surprised how empty the park was of large animals, considering how big it was. We had run for miles, zigzagging back and forth, looking for blood. This time, I captured and drained an elk with ease. It tasted horrible.

Of course, it hadn't really tasted any worse than the deer I'd hunted in Forks, but now that my imagination had an idea for human blood, the animal tasted bland and stale. Regardless, I forced myself to drink every drop of its blood. I had enjoyed these kinds of animals before, and I would do it again.

When I was finally done, I returned Carlisle, who hadn't joined me in my hunt. The lackluster taste of elk still sat in my mouth, and it annoyed me.

"Not so appetizing, huh?" Carlisle asked. I wondered briefly if he could read minds too, but realized he must have just been paying attention. I knew I was too much of an open book to get away with things.

"No," I agreed. "I never used to mind, but now… I don't know."

He nodded, understanding. "I know, but you get used to it, I promise."

"I know," I said. "And it might not taste so great, but it's a hell of a lot better than having to live with myself if I ever killed someone."

He smiled at me like I'd just guessed the last letter in a game of wheel of fortune. It took me a moment to realize that he looked proud. It made me a little uncomfortable, being the object of his pride.

I opened my mouth to say anything to change the subject, but as I took a breath in, I caught a sweet scent in the breeze. It was not as demanding as the smell of human had been, but it was nicer than any deer or elk I'd smelled. I chased after it.

I was afraid of letting go too much, so I pulled back as I got close. I found the object of my hunt, a mountain lion. I paused. Could I kill a mountain lion? It seemed so improbable. But the scent of its blood swam in my head, and instinct over powered my doubts. I attacked it from behind, wrapping my arms around its chest and biting into the back of its neck. Its blood was so much sweet than any herd animal, and the little monster in my throat rejoiced.

The lion struggled, but couldn't break free of my grasp. I felt its claws rake against my arms, but my skin would not be broken.

The blood was gone too quickly, and I wanted more. I tried to keep drinking, but there was nothing there.

I stood up and dropped the animal. I was breathing heavily. I needed more. I needed sweeter. I needed human.

Carlisle appeared, he'd followed me slowly, and now he watched me apprehensively. I wondered how I could get away from him. I wondered if I could take him down and escape unpursued.

_No, no, no!_ The sane part of my mind yelled at me. I thought of Edward, of what my reaction would have been if he were standing where Carlisle was now. Would I have even considered attacking him to get away? No. _Nothing_ was worth hurting Edward, or for that matter, Carlisle or any of the family.

I breathed deeply a few times, and regained control of myself. I thought about my throat, and despite my recent snap out of sanity, I noted that I did feel better. The big cat has soothed the fire in my throat in a way nothing had before.

Carlisle was still eyeing me. He looked like he was coming up with a contingency plan for if I ran.

"I'm not going to run," I told him. Shock registered on his face, only for a second, then he smiled warmly at me.

"That's good to know," he said. His smile was so warm and trusting, I knew he believed me. It made me feel guilty, I had just been seriously considering fleeing from him.

"Maybe we should rejoin the others," I suggested. I didn't want to think about the mistake I'd almost made, and if we were with everyone, I would be able to get away with thinking those sorts of things.

He smiled knowingly, and I wondered what he thought he knew. "Of course, if you'd like to."

I nodded. He offered me his hand, and I hesitated to take it. If Edward had been here, I wouldn't be hesitating. But if Edward was here, he would be offering me his hand because we're friends and he likes to run with me. If I had to guess, Carlisle was just trying to keep closer tabs on me. Maybe he _did_ know what I'd been thinking about. I sighed, and put my hand in his. It felt awkward there, but I reminded myself that I was glad for the supervision. Who knows how many people would already be dead if I had been left to my own devices.

* * *

**After this, there's one more chapter of Bella's hunting trip (I was going to upload it as one superchapter, but the second half isn't done and I wanted to give you all _something_ today) and then we go back to the house with Edward, Esme, and Rose.**

**A lot of people have been expressing heavy dislike for Rosalie, so you're all going to really like or really hate the next chapter she's in. Just a warning :P**

**Thank you everyone who reads and reviews! I'm trying to respond to reviews as much as I can, but I've been busy recently, and I assume you'd rather I write more than respond to reviews :/**


	20. Chapter 20

Bella:

When we found the others, Alice greeted us.

"How was your mountain lion?" she asked.

I shrugged, not wanting to answer really. So she had been watching. I thought for a second that she was going to tell Carlisle how close I'd come to abandoning him or attacking him. I was sure she'd seen that possible future. I worried that maybe Jasper and Emmett were going tackle me again, just because I'd thought about it. Jasper and Emmett did nothing of the sort, and Alice only winked at me.

Had she kept that future a secret? I wanted to ask her. Maybe I would, one day, if Jasper ever let me within a hundred feet of her alone. Alice unfocused for a second, then turned her gaze back to me. She smiled brightly.

"Yes. You weren't going to do anything," she assured me. Had she seen me asking her the question in the future and given me my answer now? Did that mean I still had to ask her later?

I didn't know how to respond, so I just smiled weakly at her. She laughed, and the sound rang like silver bells. She danced over to Jasper, who had a sketchbook open and was pretending not to watch over me like a hawk.

Emmett clapped his hands together, and they made a booming sound. "Okay, where to next?" he asked, excited to get going.

"We could just go home," I offered.

"No," Jasper shot down immediately. I wished he wasn't so pessimistic about my control, but then again, I couldn't really blame him.

"If I catch another elk, can we go?" I asked. The sun was barely up, though it still couldn't really be seen through the light grey clouds that were drizzling on and off, and I thought maybe if we left soon, I could be home with Edward by midday.

"No," Jasper answered, before anybody else could. I looked at him, not understanding.

His expression was hard. "The best thing for you now is to be out here in the open air, surrounded by animals. Even if you drank another hundred elk, we wouldn't take you back until your mind was clear."

I guess I wasn't surprised that Jasper knew my mind wasn't clear. And he was right, of course. I wanted to go home because I disliked the hunting trip, not because I felt better. Our time out still hadn't served its purpose.

"It helps if you think of people as people," Alice chirped. I was confused, and Jasper indulgently rolled his eyes. I suspected he'd heard this speech before.

"The lady who you smelled in the house earlier, Mrs. Harris," Alice started. I fought to listen to her words and not think of that smell. My mouth pooled anyway. Alice continued, "She's a friend of Carlisle's. Her appendix burst a little while back, and Carlisle was her surgeon. Probably anyone could have done what he did, but she was so grateful to him, that she started visit us every now and then. Now she makes casseroles maybe once a month for us. She thinks she's saving Esme for cooking for her huge family of teenagers, and of course, Esme always graciously accept them.

"She doesn't have a husband or any children of her own, but she's very close to her two nieces and her nephew. And she just became a great-aunt three months ago when her oldest niece had a daughter of her own. She showed us the pictures while you were out with Edward. They're a beautiful family. You wouldn't want to hurt any of them." She tacked the last sentence on so casually, it caught me off guard. But she was right, of course. Now that I had something in my mind to accompany the scent, it was easier to push it back. I couldn't kill a little old lady who dotes on her family and cooks casseroles for Esme.

Jasper smiled a little and shook his head in disbelief. "You sure know how to talk them down, Alice," he congratulated.

Alice beamed at him, and then at me. "If you're still thirsty for big game, I'm sure we can find you another lion, or a bear, maybe," she suggested.

"What about all of you? Aren't you going to hunt anything?" I asked. They may have found something to drink while I was off with Carlisle, but they all still looked too put together to have been hunting.

"No, we're just here for you," Alice said as if it were the simplest and most obvious thing in the world.

It wasn't simple, or obvious. It was stupid. They _all_ came _all_ this way and they weren't even going to _try_ to…

Jasper was watching me very carefully, glaring almost, and I realized I'd let my anger get away from me. I took a deep breath and tried to force the anger back. It receded easily, and I realized Jasper must be helping.

With the anger gone, embarrassment too its place. God, this was so awkward. It was shockingly just like being the only person at the dinner table to have food in front of them, and I felt very self-conscious.

"Why aren't you guys eating anything?" I asked, realizing afterwards that _eating_ wasn't necessarily the right word.

Alice smiled like she understood my embarrassment, and I realized I liked Alice. So far, she had seemed so foreign and strange, always looking off into the future and being cryptic. And, after she'd bought me all those weird clothes, which I hated, I thought I was going to forever be on her bad side. Now I realized that she was such a sweet girl, and she had been defending me at every turn on this trip, and before. She kept telling everyone I wouldn't run, though I knew she had seen the times when I'd considered it. She had helped me fight off the monster in my throat by talking to me about Mrs. Harris.

Now, she was trying to make me feel less awkward. "There's not much in the park, as I'm sure you noticed with Carlisle earlier. If we all went hunting, we might throw off the system here. Besides, we'll probably all be going on a long trip inland, soon, and we don't want to ruin our appetites." She winked at me, and I couldn't help but smile at her 'appetites' comment.

Yes, I definitely liked Alice. I would have to make up to her the whole clothes thing sometime. Maybe I could fish out some of those dresses when we got home.

She gasped, excited. "Really?!" She jumped on me and threw her arms around my neck. "Yes! We're going to have so much fun!"

Jasper was smiling again, unable to be unaffected by Alice's joy, but he still had his eyes on me. I hugged Alice back carefully.

"Okay, guys," Emmett boomed. "Let's go hunt some herbivores. I wanna see Bella slip again!"

* * *

The car ride home was better than the ride out. I stomach nearly hurt it was so full, but Jasper had clamed down significantly, and was sketching again. Alice was blabbering on about designers and which colors would look best on me and how to properly accessorize. It almost made me regret deciding to roll with her on the fashion thing, but she looked so happy, I couldn't tell her no.

Emmett talked too, which was new. He had never spoken directly to me, and I had assumed he hated me as much as Rosalie did.

"You know, now that we have an even number in the family, we can finally play some football without someone sitting out," he told me. The idea of playing football with someone as huge as Emmett scared me.

"I don't really know how to play," I said, trying to get out of it before it was even planned.

Emmett laughed like that wasn't a problem, and I realized I wasn't going to be able to weasel out of this. Jasper was laughing a little too, chuckling to himself. They both seemed so human when they laughed, and I thought maybe I wouldn't mind playing football with them. Really, maybe I wouldn't mind being their sister.

Jasper must have caught my mood, because he looked down at me and smiled the first real, unguarded smile I'd ever seen from him. I looked to Emmett and Alice, in turn, and they were smiling at me too, like they were excited for me to be part of their family.

I was excited too.

* * *

**Ta-da! This chapter is done! I wanted to have it up earlier, but I've been busy and I only just finished it. **

**Yay for family bonding!**

**Thank you everyone who reads and reviews– I think so far, my favorite piece of feedback has come from a guest, who wrote the touching and heartwarming review: "H"  
:P**


	21. Chapter 21

**Okay, so bear with me, because this I might have been smoking crack (or however crack in ingested) when I wrote this**

* * *

Edward:

By late Sunday, the family still wasn't back. They had left in the middle of the day Saturday, they should be back by now. I kept trying to calculate and recalculate how long they would have had to drive up to the park, how long they'd stay there, and how long it would take to drive back. I couldn't imagine that they would stop much in either direction, for Bella's sake. I wished Alice were here. She could tell me when they would be back. I'd tried calling here, but service was spotty at best, and she hadn't gotten back to me.

What if something horrible had happened?

_No, nothing horrible happened_, I tried to assure myself. Carlisle, Alice, and both of my brothers could handle one shy, gentle newborn. They were fine.

Unless Bella escaped them.

_No, Bella didn't escape them!_ I yelled at myself. I didn't know why I was so anxious about this. When Esme or Rosalie or Emmett were newborns, I never worried this much. Okay, maybe when Esme was, but then it was just Carlisle and me and we had so little knowledge of what we were doing. I couldn't imagine Carlisle having to deal with me all by himself. It's a wonder he managed at all.

How much longer could this torture go on?

I was too accustomed to Alice's powers. I was too used to knowing the answers. Just like how I couldn't understand Bella without the ability to read her mind (or fight her, as Jasper pointed out), I'd lost the ability to deal with anxiety without Alice.

Esme and I had installed the window when I got back last night, and while I was gone, she had taken care of most of the wall. Rosalie had said she would refuse to help on principle, but when I got back, she was holding the plywood while Esme hammered.

Rose and I finished the wall together this morning, while Esme shopped for a light beige-blue paint. I wasn't kidding when I said Esme would use any excuse to repaint a room. Since then, I've been sitting out front, 'brooding,' as Rose had put it. I just hated waiting.

I stood up from the porch and walked onto the driveway. The gravel crunched under my feet. I thought maybe if I closed my eyes and focused very hard on the sounds of the highway, I would hear Carlisle's car earlier.

Out of nowhere, I was suddenly soaked. I yelped and opened my eyes, and everything around me was light blue.

_Oh my God! I can't believe I _got_ you!_ Rose's mental voice was cheering. She was laughing, and I realized that she had snuck up on me and poured one of the leftover buckets of paint over my head.

I turned around expecting to be angry, but Rose was laughing behind me, her thoughts lighthearted and fun, and Esme was in the doorway– having heard me yelp – with an amused, trying-not-to-smile expression. Instead, I ran to Rosalie and embraced her, getting the blue paint all over her, too.

"No! No! I love this dress!" she yelled, but she was still laughing and I knew she wasn't angry with me. She shoved me off of her, and tried to wipe the paint off. She flashed me a wicked smirk and ran inside. Esme was laughing outright, now, and Rose reappeared with two buckets of the pink paint that we had from when Alice painted her room. She put one down and popped the lid off the other

"You wouldn't dare," I growled at her playfully.

She smiled, and she charged me with one of the buckets held over her head. I ran into the woods with Rose chasing me, and when I knew I was far enough away, I turned around. Rose almost ran right into me, and the paint went flying out of the bucket. I tried to tip it onto her head, but at the last minute, she sent it flying and it splashed all over both of us and several trees. With the bucket empty and other one back at the porch, there was a silent moment where we looked into each other's eyes, like duelers with their fingers on the triggers.

In the same instant, we both dropped the empty bucket and ran. I was faster than Rose, but the distance was so short it almost didn't matter. I broke through the trees and back onto the driveway only a fraction of a second before she did, and we were both immediately doused with paint.

Esme stood at the bottom of the steps with the half-empty bucket in her hands. Knowing we would run back, she had attacked us.

Rosalie and I both, shocked, broke into laughter. Esme laughed with us, and the second she let her guard down, we grabbed the bucket and emptied the rest of the contents of it onto her head.

She froze for a second, completely caught off guard, but fell back into laughter a second later.

This was how the family found us, covered in paint and falling to pieces laughing in the driveway.

Carlisle was the first out of the car– Alice was opting to hide behind the locked doors until she was sure she wouldn't get painted – and asked us, smiling as well, "What in the world are you doing?"

In answer, Rosalie laughed and charged into him, swinging her pink saturated hair and splatted paint onto him as well.

Carlisle looked utterly shocked. He would have guessed that his arrival would ruin any good mood of Rose's, and he was shocked now to see her laughing and embracing him, smearing paint on his vest.

_Did I miss something?_ he asked me as he laughed along with Rosalie.

I shrugged. He'd probably hear from Esme about the talking to she'd given us, and honestly, I couldn't explain Rose's good humor.

Emmett got out of the car and lifted Rose into a spinning hug, which got paint in more places and all over himself. He didn't mind at all. They kissed each other, and then they headed inside to take a shower, he smiled at me too.

_Whatever you guys did, thanks_, he thought.

Jasper got out of the car next, and shot me a warning glare that clearly read, 'You'd better not,' and his thoughts matched the sentiment. He opened Alice's door for her, and, content that the future didn't hold paint for her, she got out too.

Alice smiled at me in greeting. _I saw that Rose was going to cheer up, but I still can't place what did it_, she thought. _I think it was Esme reprimanding you. In the futures where she decided to just let you fight it out, none of this happened_.

I hoped Alice would tell Esme that. She would be thrilled to hear that her parenting skills were sharp as ever.

_She still isn't ever going to agree to babysitting_, Alice added. I laughed.

Bella was the last person to get out of the car. She looked worried. Esme had gone inside with Carlisle– there was a shower in store for them too– and Alice and Jasper were just unpacking the trunk.

Seeing Bella again was like letting out a breath I hadn't realized I'd been holding. I wanted to run up to her and embrace her and tell her I missed her, but I was covered in paint, and I could tell she didn't want to be from the way she was eying me warily. Instead I smiled at her, and she smiled back.

"Did you have fun on your trip?" I asked her.

She shrugged, and I wondered what had happened. Maybe they hadn't managed to find her any large game.

"Did you have fun while we were gone?" she asked. "It looks like you did." She gestured to me, covered in blue and pink paint.

I shrugged too, and she smiled. She went inside, and I followed her. I wanted to sit with her on the sofa, but I needed to wash the paint off of me before it dried, so I found an empty bathroom and took care of that.

* * *

**I feel like I should have written this from Rose's point of view. It might have made more sense. I guess it's too late now...**

**Sorry I got this up so late in the day! Gah, today was so busy! I'm lucky I managed to get a chapter posted at all!**


	22. Chapter 22

**Hi! Sorry this is up so late, I was out of the house pretty much all day today! Anyway, here's 22, and 23 will be up in a minute because they're both so short!**

* * *

Edward:

I had never showered so frantically in my life. I just wanted to get this paint off of me so I could go back downstairs. I was so excited to see Bella, and I decided it was because I really wanted to hear about how the trip had gone. I wanted to know what had taken them so long to get back.

Once I was sure I had gotten every drop of paint out of my hair, I rushed out of the shower, dried off and put on fresh clothes. I ran downstairs, and there was Bella, sitting on our sofa with Mansfield Park in her lap. She glanced at me when she heard me come down the stairs and smiled. I smiled back, and walk towards her. I picked a book up off the shelf on the way, not even bothering to look at which one I was choosing.

I sat down next to her and opened my book. It was The Great Gatsby. I was glad. I had read it before, obviously, but I was always willing to read it again. It was close enough in date that it was a nice reminder of the time I had been a human.

I wanted to ask Bella about her trip. I wanted to know every detail, but she looked so peaceful reading, and I didn't want to disturb that.

Before I knew it, it was morning again, and my siblings were getting ready for school. Rosalie and Emmett had just come home from spending a _romantic _night together under the stars– well, under the clouds. I really wished they would both stop thinking about it.

Monday had come back around too quickly, and I was already longing for Friday– or, I realized, Wednesday. Thursday and Friday were going to be sunny, and I intended to spend every hour that I should have been in school with Bella.

I unwillingly got up and grabbed my book bag out of my room. I met my siblings at the Volvo, and we drove to school together. The drive was quiet, but not tense like our morning drives had been recently. Rose was sitting in Emmett's lap, though there was room for her in another seat, and Alice and Jasper's hands were lazily hanging together between her in the front seat and him in the back.

Out of nowhere, I felt a strange pang of jealousy for my perfectly-matched siblings. I forced it down, but not fast enough.

"Really?" Jasper asked.

"No. Shut up," I grumbled at him. My good mood had escaped me at record speed at the prospect of school today.

Alice looked between us, and I refused to meet her eye. Jasper held her gaze, though, and she saw in his expression the promise to tell her about it later. I wished he wouldn't.

We got to school and went off to our classes. Rose and I were both walking to the back building together. All of last week, Rose had been charging off ahead, refusing to walk with me, but today she allowed my presence.

I almost didn't say anything, for fear of losing my place in her good graces, but I had to ask, "So you forgave Carlisle?"

She sighed, exasperated. She had been expecting me to ask. "No." _I haven't forgiven him, not really. I just realized that Esme's right, and we're a family._ "Just because I'm upset with him doesn't mean I hate him."

I smiled at her. "I'm glad."

She rolled her eyes. _Okay, you were right, go ahead and gloat, you insufferable know-it-all_. She said the insult as a term of endearment.

"Not now," I said. I smiled at her and joked, "Perhaps later. We'll see."

She punched me in the arm, but smiled, and split away from me to go to her class. I walked the other way to get to mine.

* * *

**See, Rose isn't so bad!**


	23. Chapter 23

**Chapter 23, as promised!**

* * *

Bella:

I missed Edward while he was at school. I was too preoccupied counting the seconds to even concentrate on my book anymore, so I abandoned it. I wanted to go for a run, and like she could read my mind, Esme was immediately by my side.

"Would you like to go out? We could hunt, or just run," she offered. I thought about what Carlisle had said about Edward shouldering such a large burden– me– and almost agreed. But then I thought of Edward in the forest with me laughing and telling me that taking me hunting was the highlight of his day. Had he been lying, then? He might have just been trying to placate me, or make me not feel so bad. But I didn't think he was lying. I wanted to believe that Edward wouldn't lie to me. As far as I knew, he hadn't so far.

"No thank you, Esme, I'm just going to sit on the deck for a while," I said.

She smiled welcomingly at me, and patted me on the shoulder before leaving me alone. I opened one of the French doors and went outside. Inside still smelled like paint, and the fresh air was a respite.

I stayed out there a long time, waiting for the sound of the Volvo coming up the drive.

After hours, it finally came, and I shot up from where I sat. When Edward entered the house, I beamed at him through the glass door. He dropped his bag on the floor by the coat rack, not even bothering to bring it upstairs as he usually did, and ran outside to join me. Without a word, we took off into the woods together.

Edward wanted to know about my trip, but there wasn't much to tell. It was a long drive in the car, and I didn't like being so cooped up. The park was beautiful, but it was raining, and I really didn't like the rain. There wasn't much to find, and nobody else drank a single thing, which just made the whole thing more awkward. The drive back was better, at least, not so uncomfortable.

He acted like I was telling him the story of the Battle of Troy, he was so involved. He listened intently, like every word could be on the pop quiz later, and he responded dutifully in all the right places. It occurred to me that he couldn't _possibly_ actually care this much about my uneventful hunting trip, and I doubted my decision to wait for him to come home. I was probably right when I'd guessed that he had been placating me about not minding hunting with me every day, and I promised to let him off the hook for the next few days.

We made our way back home earlier than usual, but Edward didn't seem to notice or mind. I knew it. I knew he was getting bored of me. I should have gone with Esme earlier.

When we got back to the house, everyone was gathered in the dining room. I had never seen the family gathered as they were now. They were sitting around the long table like a council in session, and I felt intrusive just being there. Jasper looked at me and cocked his head. Edward read where his confusion was coming from, and he looked to me, concerned.

"Everything alright?" he asked. Jasper must have told him how anxious I felt.

"Fine," I lied. I was still regretting dragging Edward around with me everywhere, and now I was worried about what this strange convention was.

Edward obviously didn't believe me, but he didn't press it. He led us to the one empty chair, and indicated that I should sit in it. I had a feeling that this was Edward's seat that I was taking, and the way Rosalie rolled her eyed made me inclined to believe I was right. Edward stood between Alice and me, and whatever everyone was thinking about made him upset. His brow furrowed, almost imperceptibly, and a slight frown creased his mouth.

Carlisle explained. "Edward, Bella, we've just been talking. As you know, Edward, Thursday and Friday will be too sunny for any of us to go anywhere public."

I immediately felt so stupid. With all the questions I'd asked Edward about being a vampire, I'd missed one of the biggest myths. Vampires couldn't go out in the sun. I had just assumed that it wasn't true because of how much time we spent outside in the daytime, but I realized now that the cloud cover of Forks probably protected vampires from whatever the sun did to us.

Edward put his hand on my shoulder, "Don't worry, it can't hurt us," he answered, though I hadn't voiced my question.

Carlisle continued, "So to keep out of the public eye, we've planned a hunting trip to run from Thursday through Sunday. The park we went to last weekend was severely lacking, so you'll all be going inland this time." Carlisle turned to address me. "Except us, Bella. I'm going to stay behind here with you."

Edward was still frowning. I looked around the table, and they were all staring at me like they were waiting for something.

"Okay," I agreed.

"You don't mind?" Carlisle asked. That's what they were all waiting for. Were they expecting me to object?

"No. No, I don't mind, of course not," I insisted. Edward huffed out an annoyed breath behind me. He was making pointed eye contact with Carlisle, and I realized Carlisle was telling him something.

Edward rolled his eyes, but seemed to drop the issue– if there even was an issue.

"It's decided then," Carlisle announced with a smile. The family all made murmurs of agreement and dispersed. Edward skulked out of the room. I wondered what he and Carlisle had argued about.

* * *

**So much for Edward looking forward to the long weekend...**

**I have a lot of free time tomorrow, so hopefully I can get around to respond to reviews then!  
****Thank you everyone!**


	24. Chapter 24

**So this chapter wasn't originally a part of the story, but a lot of people have expressed their confusion with Carlisle, so I gave him a brief chapter to maybe help clear things up :)**

* * *

Carlisle:

On Monday morning, the kids went to school, leaving Esme, Bella, and me at home. Esme offered to take Bella out hunting, but she declined. We both knew she would. At first, I had thought that Bella disliked Esme and me. She practically hid from us during the day while the kids were at school, and she almost never accepted either of our invitations to go hunting. Now, though, I realized Bella was just shy. She didn't like to talk a lot, or be around the family very much, but I didn't think she disliked us, she was just quiet and private and introverted. That was probably why she gravitated towards Edward so much, they were alike in a lot of ways. I wondered if their hunting trips were entirely silent. I wouldn't be surprised. She barely spoke to Esme or me, and we tried to talk to her.

But then again, Edward did seem to understand Bella better than we did. Maybe they did talk to each other. I doubted it. Any idea that involved Bella saying more than a couple words at once was probably assuming too much.

As if to prove my point, Bella spent the entire day lounging silently on the back porch. Her silence was unbroken even when my children came home from school. Edward left with her, but neither of them said a word.

Poor Edward. He had been out hunting with Bella nearly every day since she had joined the family. _Since I added her to the family_, I corrected. Bella hadn't signed up for any of this, and neither had Edward. Bringing Bella into this life was my decision, and she was my responsibility. I felt guilty again. Edward was shouldering so much of an obligation that should be mine. He was sacrificing his time to take care of Bella, when I should be the one making sacrifices.

Edward had told me that he didn't mind looking after Bella, but I was pretty sure he was lying. His siblings had all expressed their concerns towards Edward's mood recently. Apparently, he could hardly stand to go to school anymore, and had a shorter temper than ever.

Maybe if I could find a way to give him some time for himself, some time to breathe, he'd feel better.

And I had just the idea. I went down the hall to Alice's room, where she was lying on her bed, drawing sketches for her next wardrobe.

She saw my question coming. "Yeah, it will be sunny starting Wednesday, and it should last through Saturday. Haven't you already gotten the days off work?"

"I have. I was wondering if it would be good weather for that trip to Coeur d'Alene?"

Alice smiled and focused on the future for a moment. "Yup. It'll be beautiful there!"

The park was further even than North Cascades, where we took Bella, but Alice had been urging us to go for a while. They were having a problem with predators overrunning the place, so we could drink freely.

Alice beamed at me. "Yes! We should definitely go!" She checked the future again, and her face fell. "You aren't coming with us," she said, confused. She kept looking. "Oh, staying home with Bella."

"Shall we talk it over with the family, or would you like to just tell me how they're all going to react?" I joked.

She smiled again, then hopped off her bed gracefully. "To the dining room," she agreed.

The family convened quickly, quietly, and with little prompting. They had heard my conversation with Alice.

We all took a seat. I realized that we still only had seven chairs– one for each family member, before Bella. Esme frowned as she sat in hers.

"You and Bella don't have to stay behind," she said. She was worried I'd been beating myself up to much over Bella, and I knew she thought I was trying to find a way to punish myself.

"It won't be so bad," I assured her, smiling.

Rosalie loved the idea. "I need a good hunting trip," she said.

"I don't know," Jasper countered. "Is it really a good idea to leave you here alone with Bella?"

I knew I could put him at ease. He was only ever irrational in matters that concerned Alice. "Bella is generally docile, and I've taken her hunting alone before. It won't be any different than that."

As expected, Jasper shrugged.

After that, there were only details left to hammer out. Alice wanted to leave right after school on Wednesday, because it was such a long drive to the park. Emmett wanted to take his jeep for some off-roading over the weekend, and Rose wanted to take her convertible just because she hadn't had the chance to drive it in a while. Nobody questioned that Edward would drive in his Aston Martin, but Esme agreed to ride with Rose, assuming Edward would want to drive alone.

I was glad this plan was working out. If everything went well, in a few days, Edward would be able to get his much-deprived alone time, and hopefully it would put him in a better mood.

* * *

**So hopefully this helped explain it! See, none of this would be happening if Edward would just tell Carlisle how he _really_ feels about Bella (but, of course, that would mean Edward would have to figure out how he feels about Bella, and he's done a horrible job of it so far...)**

**Thank you all for the wonderful reviews, and hopefully tomorrow's chapter can be longer!**


	25. Chapter 25

Edward:

When the meeting the in dining room broke up, I exited to the living room. I sat on the sofa Bella and I always shared while she read and waited for her to join me. I flipped on the TV casually. I didn't actually care much what was on it, but I wanted somewhere to pretend to focus while I thought. I don't know why I was so upset about this hunting trip. I heard Bella leave the dining room with the rest of my family. Her soft footsteps started in my direction, and the anticipation of it thrummed in my body. She went to pick up a book, but Alice had other plans.

_No_, I mentally whined as Alice intercepted Bella. She had retrieved the bag of expensive dresses from the closet.

"So are we going to do this fashion show or what?" she asked, grinning at Bella.

"Umm…" Bella shifted uneasily from one foot to the other, and Alice sighed. I wanted to tell her to leave Bella alone, but Alice's thoughts caught me off guard. She was remembering how Bella had been on the hunting trip– awkward at first, and unsure of herself for a while, but after a point, she unwound some. That was when Alice had gotten the vision of Bella agreeing to a fashion show. And she was so sure it was going to happen. She thought of Bella in the back seat of the Mercedes, wedged between my brothers. There was a moment when Emmett was laughing, and everyone else was smiling at some humor. Bella glanced around the car, shy and nervous, but responded to the atmosphere in the car with a smile that was hopeful and there was wonder in her eyes.

"Please, come on!" Alice begged.

Bella scrunched her face up, like she was bracing herself for something unpleasant, took a deep breath, and said, "Okay, sure."

Alice was beside herself. She was hopping up and down on her toes. She lifted the giant clothes bag in one hand, and grabbed Bella's with her other. Bella sighed, but an indulgent smile crossed her face as she allowed Alice to drag her upstairs.

"Come on, Rose," Alice called over her shoulder. Rose, still at the entryway to the dining room, rolled her eyes, but followed the two of them with a smile.

Jasper considered going upstairs too after a brief flash of worry for Alice's safety. I fought to not scowl at him. Bella was not so untrustworthy.

He must have agreed with me, because he instead called Emmett in for some video games. "You don't mind if we steal the TV?" he asked me. _I know you aren't watching it_, he added mentally.

"No, I'll play with you guys," I said.

Emmett grinned, sitting down next to me in Bella's spot on the couch. "That's what I'm talking about!" he said. "I'm gonna kick your ass this time!"

I smirked at him. Challenge accepted. "You know, you're never going to get past this," I warned, tapping my temple with my finger.

_Cheater_, he taunted. _I wonder if we can get Bella to beat you. She sure as hell knocked you on your ass in a fight_. He laughed at the memory, and I scowled. Emmett saw it, and smirked. _Actually, now that I think of it, I call dibs on having Bella on my team next time we play football! All I need to do is teach her how to feint, and we'll be scoring touchdowns all night._

"Shut up and play," I snarled, thrusting a controller into his hand.

"Oooh, Edward's mad now," Emmett joked. I was mad. I didn't know why. Obviously, the idea of losing a football game to Emmett wasn't worth getting this upset. I just didn't want him using Bella as a tool against me.

Regardless of the reason, I was going to channel this anger into beating Emmett's ass in this game.

I was distracted by Alice's thoughts upstairs. Bella had just exited her closet. She stepped out shyly in a dark crème colored pencil dress. She looked nervous, her shoulders were pulled together, and she was bending down slightly to gasp the hem half way up her thighs, trying to pull it down further. She glanced up at Alice, biting her lip.

"I don't know. It seems a little short," she hedged.

"No! It's perfect!" Alice disagreed. "Stand up straight," she ordered.

Bella unbent herself at the waist, though her shoulders remained curled inward, and one of her hands rubbed the opposite elbow self-consciously. She continued to worry her bottom lip between her teeth.

I was staring. Thankfully, Alice was considering the dress carefully, and I could look at Bella uninterrupted from her viewpoint.

Alice decided she didn't like the dress. I disagreed. She also decided to be gentle, because Bella already looked so uneasy.

"You look wonderful," she commented, beaming. Bella looked away, like the compliment made her uncomfortable. "But maybe we should try something else," she suggested kindly.

Rose nodded in agreement. "You _do_ look nice, but try not to be so nervous," she said. Turning to Alice, she asked, "Do you have anything blue? I think it would better than the crème."

Alice nodded excitedly and rifled through the bad. She pulled out a knee length, dark blue sundress, and thrust it into Bella's arms. Bella eyed it apprehensively, but strolled back into the closet to put it on.

I held my breath. Alice, impatient as always, was looking to the future to see what the dress would look like. Rose would ask her to spin, and the flowy skirt of the dress would ripple around her when she did. She turned her attention back to the present as Bella exited the closet. She still looked shy, but she was obviously less uncomfortable in this dress– she wasn't clutching at the hem, and her shoulders were closer to a neutral position.

Bella shrugged, like she didn't think the dress was anything special. She was wrong.

Rose smiled. "Blue is much better," she said, pleased to be right. "And that's a nice dress. Give us a spin," she prompted.

I clenched my jaw in anticipation.

"Hey, Edward," Emmett's voice demanded. "You gonna play, or are we gonna stare at the start screen all night?" I was jolted back into my own head in the living room. Emmett and Jasper were both staring at me, waiting. I was reeling.

Jasper cocked his head as he examined my emotions. _Flustered, anticipating, confused, surprised,_ he noted. _What were you so lost in thought about?_ he asked. I didn't answer, but checked back in upstairs, this time seeing through Rose's eyes, because Alice was digging through the bag again. Bella dress was just settling back down after spinning in it. I'd missed it.

I scowled. "Nothing," I answered Jasper. "Let's play."

* * *

**Just to clarify why Jasper hasn't caught on about Edward and Bella yet– so far, Edward has been feeling all sorts of jumbled emotions around Bella, including frustration, contentment, confusion, sulking, and excitement, but Edward hasn't really put the pieces together, so he's generally just very angsty about Bella, and because Edward is so angsty all the time anyway, Jasper doesn't find it out of place. He might be able to put the puzzle pieces together, if he tried, but he's not suspicious of anything, so he isn't trying. But I'm sure once Edward realizes it, the unadulterated joy will give him away ;)**


	26. Chapter 26

Bella:

On Tuesday, after the siblings had gone to school, Carlisle offered to take me hunting. He sort of just threw the offer out blasé, expecting me to refuse him as I always did.

"Sure," I said, still determined to give Edward some time off.

"Oh," he responded, surprised. "Yes, alright. One moment." He ran upstairs to put away some papers he'd been holding, then rejoined me in the living room. He smiled at me and opened one of the back doors, and I forced a smile in return.

Hunting with Carlisle wasn't anything like hunting with Edward. _Being_ with Carlisle wasn't anything like _being_ with Edward. I was self-conscious the entire time, and I kept feeling like I should strike up a conversation, but I wasn't sure what to say. I wished I had waited for Edward to come home, but I remembered that I was trying to give Edward a break. I was going to get him some free time whether I wanted to or not.

But then again, maybe it I could go hunting with him tomorrow. He was going to be gone for four days, would it kill him to spend one afternoon out with me? No, that wasn't the point. I was trying to do something nice for Edward, and I had to stick with it.

Carlisle, thankfully, didn't say much while we were out. The silence was awkward, but talking would have been more awkward. We were only gone for a little while, sticking close to home, and Carlisle didn't drink anything himself. Back at home, he smiled when he left me in the living room.

"Thank you!" I called after him as he went up the stairs. He stopped and looked at me, surprised but smiling.

"You're very welcome," he responded. Then he continued up the stairs.

I tried to read, but I couldn't focus. I hated it when I couldn't focus. I kept thinking about last night with my sisters. I had _sisters_. All this time, I had thought that Rosalie hated me, and that Alice tolerated me at best, but now I wasn't sure. Last night, they smiled at me, excitedly talked to me– if only about clothes. Hell, they even teased me about how nervous I was. It bristled at first, but I realized that was what sisters and friends did.

Maybe I could go hunting with one of them tomorrow. No, no. No need to impose on them. They were my family, now, but not my caretakers. It was bad enough that I'd cornered Edward into the position he was in, and I wasn't going to fix that by starting over with Alice or Rose.

Not to mention, I didn't think Rose would want to go out with me, and I didn't think Jasper would like Alice being too alone with me for too long. I thought he'd lightened up about me after our big hunting trip, but he still didn't completely trust me. I couldn't find it in myself to disagree with him. Memories of throwing Edward into a wall and through a window still hung over me. If I lost control, tiny little Alice would not be able to stop me.

I decided there was only one option. I wouldn't lose control again. The rest of the family could do it, and so could I.

I turned my attention back to my book, forcing myself to focus on it. This was where discipline started.

Edward:

Every day of school was worse than the last, and Tuesday was killing me. I was so angry that Carlisle was trying to deprive me of the weekend with Bella again, and I was determined to get it back. So far, my plan was to just participate in the Thursday and Friday hunt, and go home early. I could tell the family that I was worried about how Carlisle was coping with the newborn all alone. It would be true. I didn't want to leave Carlisle home alone with Bella. She would be uncomfortable and in turn he would feel intrusive and they would probably pass the four days in awkward silence and by the time we got back home, Bella would be responding to everything in head nods or shakes again.

I didn't want to wait for my siblings to get to the car. I didn't want to drive the car. I could get home faster running, and they could take the car home. The only thing that stopped me was the worry that someone would notice that only fours Cullens leaving school, when five had come.

By the time my siblings had joined me, I felt my head was going to explode. Jasper tried to calm me, and I tried to let him. It worked some, but I still drove home faster than I should have.

"You okay?" Emmett asked.

"Yeah, fine," I lied. He didn't believe me, so I threw in a detail to make it more believable. "I just feel like I'm going to start banging my head into my desk if I have to hear one more of Mr. Molina's lectures on how the mitochondria are the powerhouse of the cell."

Emmett laughed. "I hear that. Mr Berty mispronounced nearly half of the words in a Shakespeare sonnet today. I mean, seriously, if I have to learn scansion sixteen times, our English teacher could at least bother to learn it once."

I laughed along with Emmett, but it was a little too forced. By bad mood only started going away when I got out of the car. Every step was putting me closer to leaving with Bella. I would probably get a deer for myself on our hunt today. The blood would probably undo some of my nerves.

Who was I kidding? The run with Bella would undo my nerves.

I entered the house and my eyes found her immediately. She was reading on her spot on the sofa. She smiled at me, and I smiled back, just like every other day. But unlike every other day, she didn't put her book down and get up. I walked over to her, and she looked up at me again from her book, but made no indication that she was going to move.

"Aren't we going hunting?" I asked her.

"Oh, no. I went with Carlisle earlier," she said. She smiled at me like she'd just said the most pleasant thing in the world. She didn't know that those words had just ruined my already horrible day.

"Oh," I responded lamely. "Okay." I sat down next to her and pulled up a book, but I couldn't focus on it. Emmett and Jasper started playing a video game again, and after a few minutes, I joined them instead.

Why hadn't she waited for me? She went hunting with me every day. I thought she enjoyed it. I thought she enjoyed our time together as much as I did. Was I wrong? Had I misread this about her, too? I wished for the millionth time I could read her mind. I wished I could ask her why she had gone with Carlisle and have her tell me the truth. I wished I could just grab her by the hand and take her hunting with me now anyway. It wouldn't kill her to go hunting twice in one day.

Jasper's thoughts interrupted mine. _Having an existential crisis there, Edward?_ He teased.

"No," I told him curtly.

_Are you sure you're not preoccupied? You've lost six games in a row._

"Don't worry about it, Jazz," I said. I turned my focus to the game, and to Jasper's mind. I was determined to beat him this time, and I was determined to stop obsessing over Bella hunting without me.

* * *

**Poor Edward. Everything is keeping him away from Bella, even Bella...**


	27. Chapter 27

Edward:

I had no idea what to think when I left for school Wednesday morning. All night, Bella kept glancing at me, looking up from her book and under her eyelashes. It was like she wanted to tell me something, or wanted me to tell her something, or she wanted to see how I was reacting to something. At one point I just wanted to plead with her 'Say it! Just say it!' but I didn't. She looked more sad than usual when we went to school, and I was hoping that would mean she would wait for me to get home to take her hunting.

Alice's visions said otherwise. She was trying to see how long it would take us to get out of the house after we got home from school, and she saw that Bella was refuse me again. Alice saw it as a good thing; she wanted to get going on our hunting trip. I hated it.

I spent all day in my ever-increasing bad mood. I hated school. I just wanted to be home. I wanted to be out in the forest with Bella talking and joking and holding her hand. It occurred to me that I didn't know why I wanted that so badly, but being away from Bella made me feel so lonely. I felt so at peace with her, so at home. She was light and warmth in my life, and for so long I'd been in the dark and the cold. She was the only person I could touch without being barraged with thoughts, but she was also the only person whose touch caused a reaction in my spine.

It killed me that she was avoiding our hunting trips, and I knew it shouldn't. I didn't know if she was doing it intentionally or not. Maybe she was just thirsty when my parents invited her. Maybe she couldn't stand to wait the spare few hours before hunting. But maybe it wasn't that at all. Maybe it was me she couldn't stand.

The thought twisted in my stomach like a serrated hunting knife.

No. I refused to believe it was true. I may not be able to read her mind, but there was no way I was misinterpreting her so grossly. Every time I saw her she smiled at me. Every time we went anywhere together, she spoke to my and laughed with me in a way I knew she didn't with anyone else. Every time I grabbed her hand, she gripped mine just as tightly. There was no way she was doing this just to avoid me.

Even with that reassurance, I barely made it through lunch. The idea of going to biology class turned my stomach, so I decided to skip. I went to my car instead. I thought maybe some music would make me feel better, so I turned on a classical CD. The sound of the piano made me want to play, but something in my head was distracting me from Claire de Lune. I turned the music down to its lowest volume, and focused on the song in my head. I imagined how I would play it. I imagined playing it for Bella.

I snapped. I was already in the car, and I was already skipping class, so I just drove home. Excitement built in my chest as I sped down the familiar roads to our house. I _had_ to see her, and very soon I would.

At least, I'd thought I would. I barreled into the house and realized her couch was empty. I heard Carlisle in his office upstairs, but no other sounds in the house.

"Edward? Is that you?" My father asked from where he sat at his desk. I flitted up the stairs and into his office.

"Where are Bella and Esme?" I asked him, perhaps too forcefully.

_They went out hunting about half an hour ago,_ he answered.

I sighed heavily, and Carlisle looked at me, trying to decide if he was more worried or confused.

_Is everything alright, Edward?_ He asked.

I wanted to just say everything was fine and get out of there to sulk by myself, but a new idea came to me.

"No, Carlisle. Everything isn't alright," I admitted.

"What's wrong?" he asked.

"I don't want to go on the hunting trip this weekend," I told him.

_Edward, I understand that you just want to help, and I appreciate everything you've done, but you don't need to sacrifice any more for me. This was. This was _my_ decision, and I can handle the consequesnces,_ he said.

"No, Carlisle, you don't understand. Obligations be damned, I don't _want_ to go."

Carlisle didn't understand. "Why not?" he asked.

I didn't know how to answer this question, not really. I didn't know how to explain all the things I was feeling. A lot of them didn't make enough sense to explain.

I shook my head, because I didn't have an answer. "Please don't make me go," I nearly begged.

Carlisle was astounded. He had no idea what to make of anything I'd just said, and it worried him. I sighed. I didn't want Carlisle to be worried about me. I opened my mouth to assure him I was fine, but he beat me to it.

"Of course, Edward, if you don't want to go, nobody is going to make you."

I still wanted to assure him that I wasn't crazy, but I wasn't sure I'd be telling him the truth.

"Thank you," I said instead.

He nodded. _Of course_. He was re-planning the four-day vacation now, taking into account that I would be with him and Bella.

"You know," I started carefully, "I could watch Bella. You could go," I suggested. I expected him to immediately deny me, but he eyed me contemplatively.

_I don't understand. First you want to be alone, and now you want to be babysitting?_ It wasn't adding up in his head, no matter how he put the pieces together.

I tried to speak, but ended up just opening and closing my mouth a few times. Something dawned on him then.

_Oh, you want me gone, too_, he realized.

I wanted to tell him it wasn't true, but it was. I wanted to at least think of a good reason for wanting what I did, but he came up with one for me.

_Bella doesn't break the silence, does she? _he asked. He was referring to the silence of her thoughts. His mind was finally forcing things together, though he wasn't really right. He realized that I needed some time away from the family, and I was volunteering to watch Bella to make him leave. Trading in Bella would assure that the house was quiet for me, mentally at least.

He suddenly pitied me more than I was comfortable with. He was upset with himself for not seeing over the years that the larger the family got, the less quiet I knew.

_In a family of seven_, he surmised, _it must be a constant distraction_. He finally felt he understood, and he didn't blame me for wanting to be alone, save for the only person who could keep to herself.

I wanted to correct him. He was wrong. The internal voices of the family, though sometimes a little frustrating, weren't an issue for me. If their voices bothered me so much, I could leave the family whenever I wanted to. But I loved them all, and I would trade their internal chatter for their company any day– almost any day, at least.

But so long as Carlisle thought he understood, I was going to get what I wanted with no further questions.

I shrugged.

_Yes, Edward. Of course, if this is something you need, I'll gladly switch places with you._

I smiled at him, ecstatic to be getting all this time with Bella back that I thought I'd lost, but also a little regretful that I'd lied to my father.

I noticed the time. "I should get back to school. I have to pick up the others."

Carlisle nodded. _I'll start packing my things_, he thought.

I passed my piano on the way out, and I vowed to figure out that song this long weekend with Bella.

Alice had already seen the change of plans by the times I picked everyone up. She was frowning at me about it.

_Can you really not stand to be around us?_ she asked, dejected.

I tried to think how to answer her, and the different options appeared in her visions. 'It's not like that,' 'You don't understand,' 'I just need some quiet time,' and her favorite, 'It's not you it's me.' _Those aren't answers, they're excuses_, she accused. _And it sounds like you're trying to break up with us_, she joked.

I laughed, and Alice grinned at me. _Whatever makes you happy, I guess_, she conceded. She was still upset I wasn't going, though.

Rosalie was more upset. I should have known her good temper wouldn't last. She had seen Carlisle forsaking this family trip as a nice little token of penance, and she was furious that he had talked me into trading places with him.

_Carlisle gets away with everything. This is so unfair!_ I wanted to ask her exactly whom it was unfair for. I was pretty sure she wasn't so upset on my accord.

_I wonder what Carlisle said to convince him. I bet it wasn't too hard, Edward is such an ass kisser._

I glared at her.

"Well you can't expect me to control every little thing I think all day every day!" she defended. "Besides, you can't really say it's not true."

"You're right, Rose," I snapped, "I _can't_ expect you to control your thoughts. Good thing you'll have the next four days to think whatever you want about me and nobody can hear it."

Rose crossed her arms and glared out the window.

"Are you two ever going to stop fighting?" Emmett asked. He more than anyone hated our recent bickering, and I felt bad for causing my brother distress.

_I wish we would,_ Rose thought unintentionally. She tried to unthink it.

I sighed. "Yes, we are. Sorry Rose. I know I can't hold your thoughts against you. But Carlisle didn't talk me into anything. I asked him."

She shot her eyes back to me, and she was confused. _What? Why?_

I wasn't going to answer, so I just shook my head.

She let out a frustrated sigh. She felt like she was being left out of some big secret. I wanted to say, 'You and I both,' but instead I just started the car and drove us home.

Esme and Bella were still out when we got home, which ruined two consecutive times of entering the house and hoping to see her smile. All of my siblings ran off to pack. Rose brushed by Carlisle with an obvious annoyance, and he worried that maybe he _should_ stay. He glanced at me, and I shook my head as a plea. He nodded, and went back to loading up the cars.

By the time Esme and Bella got back to the house, everything was ready to go. Esme saw Carlisle's car pulled around front, and notice my Aston Martin was still in the garage.

_Edward, what's going on?_ she asked.

"Change of plans. I'm going to forgo the weekend trip, and Carlisle is taking my place," I explained. Esme didn't get it. I turned to look at Bella, who seemed equally confused. "I hope you don't mind," I said to her.

She shook her head a little too quickly, and I swore there was excitement in her eyes. I smiled, a little too widely if I thought about it, and Bella smiled back.

Esme was still confused, and I could hear that she intended to make Carlisle explain once they were gone.

Soon, Rosalie and Alice drove off in the convertible with the top down, Emmett and Jasper followed them in the Jeep, ready for some off-roading, and Carlisle and Esme trailed behind in his Mercedes. I could hear all three of the engines make the highway, and then they disappeared at a hundred miles an hour.

I turned to Bella, suddenly overflowing with excitement. "It's just you and me now," I told her, and the thought made my stomach flutter. "What do you want to do first?"

* * *

**Thank God Edward had the balls to speak up! I guess he could only stand Bella ignoring him so much :P**

**Don't worry, Rose's bad mood is short lived. She just has a quick temper, you know.**

**I'm traveling all day today– plane then bus– so I'll try to get to reviews (and the next chapter) tomorrow!**


	28. Chapter 28

Previously, on All Vampire:

I turned to Bella, suddenly overflowing with excitement. "It's just you and me now," I told her, and the thought made my stomach flutter. "What do you want to do first?"

* * *

Edward:

Bella bit her bottom lip in the cute way she does, and looked at me. She didn't look like she was trying to think of something, but more like she was trying to decide whether or not she should say what she was thinking.

"Come on," I prompted. "I know you have an idea. What is it? What do you want?" I was sure I would be willing. I couldn't think of anything she would ask me that I would deny her.

She still looked uncertain, and I was dying to know what she was thinking. I wished she would just say it!

Like she read _my_ mind, she suddenly blurted out, "Is it a total invasion of everyone's privacy to ask for a tour of the house?"

I realized then that nobody had ever offered her such a thing. I knew she rarely went upstairs, but she never mentioned it, and I just assumed she didn't care. Actually, now that I thought of it, other than the bathroom, Alice's room, and Carlisle's office, she'd not seen any of the upper rooms. She hadn't even _been _to the third floor, where my room was.

I was about to fix that.

"I'm sure they won't mind too much," I said. I took her hand and led her up the stairs. On the second floor, we poked our heads into Rosalie's and Emmett's room, I suggested we go in, knowing they wouldn't mind too much– or ever know– but Bella determinedly refused.

"It's one thing to glance at them, but I'm not going to go trapezing in like I own the place!" She protested.

I shook my head. "Honestly, they won't mind. And you could see some of Rose's paintings. She's very proud of them," I tried to convince her.

She shook her head. "Nope. No way. Maybe if Rosalie invites me in one day, but I'm not going in there when she's gone."

"Alright," I surrendered. "To the third floor, then."

On the third floor, she saw Carlisle and Esme's room– the master bedroom– but refused to walk through it to see the grand marble bathroom they had. I showed her Jasper's room (which she was probably right not to want to go in– Jasper could be very private), the top floor bathroom, and finally, at the end of the hall, we approached the door to my room.

I wasn't sure why I was nervous. Maybe nervous wasn't the right word, it was more like self-conscious.

"This is my room," I told her as I put my hand on the doorknob. "So you have no excuse to hide in the hallway and only poke your head in."

She laughed, and shot me an amused glare that acknowledged I was teasing her.

I opened the door, and we entered. Bella looked around in awe.

"It's so… gold," she said.

I chuckled. "Yeah, It's a little gaudy," I admitted. The carpet was gold colored, and the walls were covered with acoustic fabrics that were almost the same color but darker.

"No, I like it," she insisted. She looked to my wall of CDs, then the sound system, and then considered the curtains and said, "So you must really like music."

I laughed. "Yeah, I do. How'd you guess?" I teased.

"I bet it drowns out everybody's thoughts, huh?" she guessed.

I paused. Her thoughtfulness had caught me off guard again. "Yeah. It does," I confirmed.

She smiled to herself. She was pleased she had guessed right, I thought.

She continued to wander around. She stopped to stare very hard at the wall of CDs, and she looked confused.

"There's not a pattern," I told her, guessing what was confusing her. "They're arranged by personal preference, mostly."

She smiled at me. "And here I thought you couldn't read my mind," she quipped.

For some reason, I was ecstatic. Bella had been such a mystery to me, but every time I guessed something right about her, I felt like she wasn't so far away. I wanted to invite her to sit on the couch with me and listen to some music, but she was already making her way to leave. I didn't want her to. I wanted us to stay up here.

She walked past me and out the door like it meant nothing to her. The happy swell in my chest receded, and left a hollow in its place. I trailed after her. We went back downstairs, and Bella reached for the book she'd left on the sofa. I suddenly really didn't want her to be reading. I wanted her to talk to me. I'd been trying to get her to talk to me since she got back on Sunday. I wanted her to say or do anything that would expand on the few things I really knew about her.

"Do you want to go for a hunt?" I asked her. I realized she'd already been hunting barely an hour ago. "Or a run?" I amended. She always talked more while we were out, maybe because she had nothing better to do.

She glanced at me and smiled, a little uneasily. "No, thanks. I'd rather stay inside. I'm just going to read some."

Maybe I had made the wrong choice by choosing to stay with her. Maybe she was wishing Carlisle was here– at least he would be leaving her alone, as she usually preferred.

I sighed. I thought of going to read with her, but I knew I wouldn't be able to hold my focus on a book. I considered returning to my room to listen to music– maybe it would lure her up there, too– but I didn't want to leave her down here. So instead, I sat at the piano.

I tried to play the song I had been writing in my car earlier, but it wasn't coming out right. Then, it had been simple and beautiful. Now it just sounded frustrated. _I_ was frustrated. I gave up on the song for now, and instead played Clair de Lune. Maybe hearing it again would help bring back the song from the car.

I was expecting Clair de Lune to change something, but I wasn't expecting it to bring Bella to me. About half way through the song, she was suddenly standing behind me. I moved over on the bench, and she took the silent invitation and sat next to me. I smiled, beside myself with joy. Suddenly the new song was back in my head, and I switched into it seamlessly. It truly was beautiful, playing it now. I flowed freely from my mind and through my fingers. When Bella caught on to the melody, she hummed along with me. I almost didn't want to stop playing, just so that I wouldn't have to hear the end of Bella's voice. But the song drifted to an end anyway. It didn't resolve, it dangled.

"It's beautiful," Bella said. I looked at her, and she was looking at me. There was a sort of reverence in her eyes. I wanted her to always look at me like that.

_You're beautiful_, I thought. I opened my mouth to say the words, but I stopped them. "Thanks," I responded instead.

I looked away from her. What was I thinking? This made no sense. Why did I think that about Bella? Sure, she was pretty, but I had seen hundreds of pretty girls before. Why was her beauty affecting me?

I stood up abruptly, and Bella watched me, worried.

"What's wrong?" she asked innocently. _She_ was what was wrong. She was screwing with my head and my stomach. Maybe this was why I couldn't read her mind, maybe Bella's power was to unfocus those around her, turn them into putty.

"Nothing," I lied. I felt like I had to get out of the house. "I'm going to go for a run, alright?" I asked. Part of me hoped she'd say no, that she'd insist I stay with her.

But she only raised an eyebrow at me. "And leave me here alone?" she challenged. How did she know that I couldn't stand the idea of being away from her? Regardless of how much as I needed it.

She continued, "Don't you think the family will be upset with your recklessness? Jasper especially. If he found out you left the newborn alone, that you gave me the freedom to run off..." she left the idea unfinished, but I understood her point.

"Do you _want_ to run off?" I asked her.

"Well, no," she admitted.

I sighed. "Then it's moot. It will be a short run, alright?" I compromised.

She looked at me like I was crazy. "Alright," she agreed carefully. "If you're sure you trust me."

She was teasing, but my answer was serious. "I trust you completely."

She smiled, surprised but pleased. "Okay, then."

With her permission, I was out the door.

* * *

**Wow Edward, that sure is a lot of _stuff_ you're feeling. What do you think it means?**


	29. Chapter 29

**To everyone who's been asking for longer chapters: I really can't make it happen unless I just update twice a week instead of daily. Sorry!**

**Anyway, here's this!**

* * *

Bella:

I didn't like Edward being gone.

It was the first time I was really alone in what seemed like so long, and the feeling was more unsettling than I remembered. In my human life, I had liked being alone. I liked holing myself up in my room or finding empty tables in the school library where nobody could find me– if anybody were looking for me.

Now, though, being alone was making me anxious. It was a toned down version of the anxiety I felt the first day when most of the family went to school and I was alone with Carlisle and Esme. I had been assuming that I was just awkward being alone with them in the house. I'd thought that if they left too, I would relax and not worry. I wouldn't have guessed that this would be my reaction.

This sucked. Being a vampire didn't make any sense. I couldn't make my thoughts and my emotions click together. Maybe my brain and my body were just entirely disconnected from each other and would never sync up again. I could wake up every morning and ask Jasper how I was feeling, I guess.

Except that I didn't wake up in the morning, anymore.

I was being stupid. I just needed to work at it. What was my body telling me?

_I miss Edward_, I thought. Why did I miss Edward?

Because I was a danger to myself and society? That was pretty much how the family treated me. But Edward had left me here alone. He trusted me, and that made me feel warm inside.

Okay, new question, why did that make me feel warm?

After all this time of being treated like an irrational child who couldn't look after myself, someone was finally respecting me as a grown individual. That had to be it. I had been so independent in my human life, being looked after so much was going against all my instincts.

See, that wasn't so hard. Everything made sense.

Everything except for that song. There was something about it. It was familiar, almost, though I was sure I'd never heard it before. In fact, I was nearly certain he'd written it as we sat there. Either that or Edward played every song like it was pouring out of his soul almost faster than his fingers could keep up. I wanted to hear my song again.

_My song?_ I realize what I'd thought. _How is it my song?_

It wasn't my song, obviously. It was Edward's. I hadn't helped write it and he certainly wasn't giving it to me.

This was all too confusing, and being alone was only making it worse. I just wished Edward would come back.

Edward:

I ended up in my meadow, lying in the grass and the wildflowers. I thought being away from Bella would clear my head, but it was doing exactly the opposite. I should have known leaving a newborn alone would just make me worried. My head kept running through all the possibilities of what could go wrong, and I was anxious to get back. I fought those thoughts back. She was level-headed and reasonable. She could manage a few minutes without supervision.

But I still wanted to go back.

What was wrong with me?! I felt like _I_ was the newborn. Everything was up and down and I couldn't get a hold over myself.

_If I could just read her mind…_ I thought, but that probably wouldn't help me either. It wasn't the silence of her mind that was under my skin, it was the way she smiled and laughed and bit her lip.

I had to get back. I would work through this stuff later. Right now, Bella was at home alone, and it was irresponsible of me to leave her there.

I got up and it felt like a magnet was pulling me back home.

When I approached the house, I heard the sound of someone lazily pressing random keys on my piano. I opened the front door, and Bella was sitting still on my bench. She turned around to see me, and the smile that broke out on her face warmed my very core.

"You're back!" she cheered.

I grinned at her. I walked towards her, intending to embrace her. She saw my advance and moved over on the piano bench like she expected me to sit with her.

"Edward, can you play that song again?" she asked. "It felt so quiet while you were gone. I couldn't stand it."

I stopped in my tracks. She wasn't excited to see me at all, she just missed the sound of my music. Why did I care?

I sighed, and took my place next to her on the piano bench. I played the song again, and when it was over, I played Esme's song. I didn't want to stop, so I played Clair de Lune, Pachelbel's Canon, and a few other songs. Some I had written, some were classics. I looked over at Bella, who was enthralled, and played her song once more.

_Her _song? Is that what it was? It didn't feel like it was mine, and it wasn't until she was by my side that I was able to play it the first time.

When her song ended, I stopped. In the silence, Bella rested her head on my shoulder. I relished at the contact.

"It's so peaceful," she commented. Her voice was a quiet, content purr, and I wanted to play the song again and again if it meant Bella would stay like this forever.

She took a deep breath, and let out a relaxed sigh. "Everything has been so crazy," she said. "All this time, I don't know how I would have dealt with any of it without you. You make everything so easy." Her words thrilled me. "And calm. You calm the storm, Edward. Thank you."

She turned into me and hugged me. I returned the embrace and pulled her close. My nose was in her hair, she smelled like heaven. Her arms around me were the only things holding together my sanity.

"Thank you thank you thank you," she chanted. "You're the most wonderful person, and the most wonderful friend." She pulled away and smiled at me, then darted off to find her book.

The realization hit me with all the subtlety of a cartoon anvil being dropped on my head. I didn't want to be Bella's _friend_. I loved her.

* * *

**Happy Valentine's Day! I could not have planned a better chapter update for today if I had been trying (and I wasn't trying! Don't you love coincidences?) So now Edward gets it, FINALLY. Let's see how Bella reacts to that ;)**

**Also, I don't know about any of you, but I'm super psyched for the 50 Shades movie today! I'm sure this isn't news to anyone, but 50 was originally a Twilight fic called Master of the Universe!**


	30. Chapter 30

**I saw 50 Shades of Grey yesterday, and honestly, I loved it.  
Also, it's waaaaaay more graphic than I thought it would be. I do not recommend it for the squeamish and or weak of heart :P**

* * *

Bella:

After Edward finished playing the piano, I returned to my book. He stayed by the piano for a minute, and I wondered if he was going to play more, but soon he picked up a book and joined me on the sofa. His arm swung lazily around my shoulders, and I leaned into him. Something about Edward made me feel so warm, and I was glad he'd not been gone very long when he left earlier.

I would have been content to just sit like that forever, but a little while after the sunset, Edward moved. He put his book down, only a few pages further than when he had started, I noticed, and went to the glass French doors. He looked up at the sky.

"What is it?" I asked him.

"The clouds are starting to fade. Alice saw that tonight would be clear." He looked to me with excitement in his eyes and asked, "Are you still opposed to leaving the house?"

In answer, I put down my book and joined him at the doors. He took my hand in his, which was unnecessary at this point, but not unwelcome, and led us outside. He took me in an unfamiliar direction, and soon we were in a small clearing. I stepped away from him and took in the little meadow. It was beautiful, even in the dark. There were wildflowers growing everywhere, and they swayed in the breeze. They tempted me to go lie in them.

"This place is wonderful!" I said.

He smiled shyly and agreed, "Yeah. You should see it in the light sometime."

"I'd love to!"

Edward looked at me like I'd given him some sort of gift, then glanced away and changed the subject. "I like to come here sometimes to unwind, clear my mind."

"Does everyone else in your family do that, too?" I asked.

"Uh, no," he admitted. "Just me."

I realized that I was probably in Edward's most personal space, and I was suddenly very self-conscious about it. What if he'd only brought me here because he didn't want to leave me home alone again?

"Oh. Sorry, I could go back home, or something. I don't want to intrude," I offered.

"What? No, Bella." He shook his head. "How do you get those sorts of ideas?" he asked. "I brought you here because I wanted to share it with you. Besides, you're missing the best part." I furrowed my eyebrows in confusion, and Edward nodded his head upward, indicating that I should look.

I looked up, and the universe looked down at me. I had never seen a star display like this in Phoenix, but maybe I had just never been able to see all the stars with my clouded human eyes.

Edward closed the space between us and said, "Forks can be a pretty nice place, when the clouds part."

I was too in awe to say anything back. I tore my eyes unwilling from the stars and looked at Edward. I hugged him again. I would have been self-conscious about how much I'd touched him today, but he insisted he didn't mind the contact, and his body language seemed to welcome it.

When I let go of him, I lay down in the grass and the flowers to look up at the stars. Edward lay down next to me, and I grabbed his hand.

Edward:

Lying in the grass with Bella, holding her hand, gazing at the stars: I knew no greater pleasure in the world. She was transfixed on the sky above us, and I was transfixed on her. Her hair was splayed out around her head, her lips were parted, her eyes stared dreamily above her. I watched her chest rise and fall with each breath. She was beautiful.

I loved her. It explained everything. It explained why I was so crabby when I wasn't with her, why I couldn't stand school anymore, why I wanted her to smile at me all the time, why I was so jealous when Carlisle and Esme took her hunting in my place. It explained why I had written that song only when she was next to me. It was my love for her, incarnated into music, forcing it's way out of my head.

I couldn't believe I hadn't realized it sooner. I felt like I had loved her for so long already.

_And she loves me_, I thought. No, wait. I couldn't assume that. Sure, she was always happier to see me than anybody else, and she talked to me when she wouldn't talk to others. Her eyes lit up when I walked in a room, and she wouldn't let anybody else as close to her as I got. I thought of our hands entwined between us. Would she have grabbed my hand like she did if she didn't love me? I didn't know.

_She's a newborn!_ the logical part of my mind screamed. It was so easy to forget with Bella. She was so composed and self-possessed. But she was struggling. She had just told me, not hours ago, that her emotions were a storm. _A storm I calmed_, I remembered, but a storm nonetheless. She thanked me for being easy for her to be around. I was a steadying force for her, and I was not about to sacrifice that. I could hold onto my feelings for Bella until she was ready to learn of them.

"Edward," Bella hummed. God, I loved it when she said my name.

"Yes," I answered. I wondered what she was thinking

"Do you know any of the constellations?" she asked. I never would have guessed that she was thinking that.

"No, actually," I admitted. All the times I'd gone to college, I'd never studies astronomy.

"Oh," she said, sounding a little disappointed. I wished I had studied astronomy, now. Maybe I would take it up next time we went to school. Maybe Bella would take it with me, if she were controlled enough to go to school in a few years.

For now, I thought I would have to contend myself with silence. Bella had a different idea.

"We could make some," she suggested.

I laughed. "Make some?" I asked.

"Sure," she pressed. "Like, see those two bright ones right next to each other?" She took her hand out of mine to gesture to the stars, but before I could be disappointed, she shifted to be lying closer to me. So much closer. Her hips settled next to mine, and the side of her leg ran down the side of mine. She put her head on my shoulder, probably to put our line of sight as close together as possible.

After a second, she asked again, "Those two. Do you see them?" I realized that she had asked me before, but I'd forgotten when she'd pressed herself against me. I forcefully regained the reins of my mind.

"Yes, I see them." I didn't really want to see them, I wanted to be looking at her.

"And do you see the line of dimmer stars below them?" she asked, excited that I was going along with her idea.

"Sure," I agreed. The stars she was talking about weren't quite a line, so much as an awkward half curve.

"Well, those can sort of be a smiley face," she suggested.

I laughed. She was definitely stretching to come to that conclusion.

"Okay," she defended, sitting up, "so maybe it's not a perfect smiley face, I guess it's more like a smirk, or a half smile, but it's the best I've got!"

"No," I placated, "I like it." I did like it. It was original and sweet and maybe a little bit odd, just like she was.

Pleased, she put her head back on my shoulder. My eyes closed and I sighed at the return of her touch.

"What would you like to name it?" I asked her.

She thought for a moment. I wished I knew what possibilities she was going through. "I'm going to name it after you," she said in a sweet, teasing voice.

I laughed. "After me? What did I do to deserve such an honor?" I joked.

She looked at me, at my mouth, and said, "You're doing it now. You smile like that. Crooked, but sweet."

I didn't know how to respond to that, really. I had been told before that I smiled like a cynic– amused but never admitting I was happy. I wondered if that was the same half smile Bella was talking about. I wasn't against admitting I was happy now.

"Okay," I agreed. "If you _really_ want to name a constellation 'The Edward,' I'm not going to stop you," I taunted playfully.

She rolled her eyes, but conceded, "Okay, so it's a little cheesy. How about we just call it 'The Crooked Smile?'"

"I can live with that," I agreed.

She smiled. "Okay, your turn."

I turned to look at the sky. I wanted to come up with something good, but all I could think of was Bella. All the stars just looked like her.

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**Isn't that a cute activity. I feel like I might be going too mushy on all of you.**

**Anyway, bad news: Because of all sorts of life things, I'm actually a lot behind in writing this story, so there might not be a chapter update tomorrow :(**  
**But I promise I will try my hardest to finish something for you guys. I'm just worried that tomorrow is going to be too busy.**

**Definitely chapter day after tomorrow, though! Sorry again :(**


	31. Chapter 31

**Sorry this is such a short chapter! But at least there's a chapter here at all!**

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Edward:

We stayed in the meadow all night looking at the stars. After a few constellations, we stopped, opting to watch them slowly inch across the sky instead.

Bella was silent, painfully silent. She had taken my hand back in hers once she was done pointing. I wanted to know what she was thinking. Her head was still on my shoulder, her hand in mine. Every now and then, she would sigh contently.

Did she love me?

Would she know if she did?

She shifted her head, looking now towards the pink side of the sky where the sun was coming up. Her hair was under my nose, and I could smell her every time I inhaled. I wanted to run my fingers through her hair. I wanted to touch her. I wanted to hold her. I wanted to kiss her. I would barely have to move my neck to plant a kiss on the top of her head. It would be so simple.

_No, no, no!_ I scolded myself. _She's a newborn. She's a newborn_. I chanted the mantra over and over again in my head. _And not to mention, I have no idea if she feels the same for me_, my pessimistic side added sadly.

I sighed, sadly, and looked down at her face. She was still staring at the sky, appreciating what I'm sure was a beautiful sunrise. She was more beautiful. The sun had just barely begun to touch her, and it had two effects. The first I was expecting: her skin broke into thousands of diamonds, shimmering in the light exquisitely. The second I wasn't: Her hair, which was usually a chestnut brown, glinted with shards of red.

Would she ever stop surprising me? Would she ever stop captivating me? Would she ever love me how I loved her?

She must have felt my eyes on her, because she turned her attention from the sky to me. I smiled at her, and she gasped.

She sat up suddenly, looking at me like she'd never seen me before. I wanted to ask what was wrong, but she spoke before I could.

"You're _beautiful_!" she exclaimed.

I was flying. Our hands were still linked together, and I squeezed hers. She glanced at our hands, and I opened my mouth to return the compliment, but stopped. After seeing our hands, her eyes were tracing over herself, up her arm, down the other. She pulled up the cuff of her jeans and looked at her ankle. She had such a nice ankle.

"_I'm_ beautiful!" she said, with the same sense of wonder.

The realization hit me hard. Bella had never seen us in the sun before. She was only commenting on our skin. My mood dropped quickly back to the ground. She pulled her hand from mine to run it along her other arm, and I wanted to groan. I wanted her back, lying on me.

_Stop it_, I told myself. I had to stop thinking those things. I couldn't act on the impulses, and I wanted them to just go away.

Bella laughed, amused, and looked to me. "Well, we definitely don't burn up in the sun," she joked.

I laughed too. "No, we don't."

She examined herself again and giggled, delighted. I sat up in response. It was such a beautiful sound. I wanted to hear her make it again, and the first option that popped into my head was tickling her. I shut that thought process down, before it could get away from me.

She grabbed my hand again, and ran her fingers up my arm, over the sparkling. I inhaled sharply.

She immediately dropped my arm again. "Sorry," she murmured, brushing a lock of her hair back behind her ear and looking down sheepishly.

_No!_ I wanted to scream._ Don't be sorry! Do it again!_ I needed her to know that she hadn't done anything wrong. I needed her to not be afraid to touch me.

"You surprised me," I said. It wasn't a lie. She smiled apologetically at me, and I offered her my arm again. For a long moment, she didn't move. I couldn't breathe.

Just before the anticipation killed me, she slowly and nimbly reached out and took my hand again. She turned it over, examining the back and the palm with equal fascination. Her fingers closed over mine, making me form a loose fist. I put my other hand on top of our joined ones, and rubbed my thumb back and forth across her finger. I felt warm under her touch– or maybe electrified was a better word. Energy was coursing through me where she touched.

She slipped her hand out from between mine, and I glanced at her face. She looked uncomfortable.

_Shit,_ I thought. I hadn't wanted to make her uncomfortable. She stood, and gazed wistfully in the direction of the house.

"Want to go back home?" I asked her, standing up myself.

She nodded. _Shit_, I thought again. Were we really going back to not-speaking terms? I hoped not. I ran towards the house, and Bella followed. I wished I knew what she was thinking. I always wished I knew what she was thinking. Had I upset her? This was why I wasn't going to tell her about my feelings for her! I couldn't expect her to be able to make head or tails of such a confession, let alone think about reciprocating. Bella and I were friends, _just_ friends, and I would have to accept that.

For now.

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**I'm out of town and busy and sort of sick, so the universe is conspiring against me writing. But I'll do everything I can to get another chapter up tomorrow, too (though it might also be short, sorry!)**

**And also sorry for my lack of Review Responding. Same excuses apply– out of town, busy, sick :(**

**Thank you to everyone who is reading and reviewing! I really do love you all!**


	32. Chapter 32

**Sorry that there was no chapter yesterday! But this one is longer than average, at least, so maybe you'll all forgive me**

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Bella:

When we got back home, I was still confused. I wasn't even sure I knew what I was confused about. Seeing Edward and myself in the sun had been a pleasant surprise. I was worried I'd crossed a line when I touched his arm and he gasped, but then he seemed insistent that I hadn't done anything wrong. I didn't know why I'd felt so compelled to touch him then, or why I wanted to play with his fingers when he offered his hand back to me. It was confusing, but it was a nice kind of confusing.

I didn't know what to make of it, though. And I really didn't know what to make of Edward stroking my hand with his thumb. It wasn't the first time he'd done it, and the contact wasn't unwelcome, but I had already been muddled, and his touch made it worse.

I hated this body! Even if it was faster and stronger and prettier. I hated that it wouldn't just talk to my mind and let me know what was going on!

I tried to grab hold of my thoughts, and push down all the things I was feeling. I picked up a book, not bothering to look at what it was, and started to read.

Edward had quietly faded upstairs, maybe sensing my precarious mood and removing himself from any backlash. He turned on a CD on a very low volume, but I could still hear the quiet, sad song from downstairs. I didn't recognize it. I wondered where on his shelf it came from. They were arranged by personal preference, he'd said, so if I could see the place it was missing from on the wall, maybe I could guess how much he liked it.

No, I was going to focus on my book. I didn't get too far into it. It was about a mother and a daughter who had nobody else in the world, and I knew the feeling too well.

Mom. I'd barely thought of her, all this time. I would never see her again, I knew. There was no way I could be around her, or anyone, without killing them, and even if there was, what would I say? 'Hi mom, why yes, I do look different, that's because I've joined the legion of the blood-sucking undead. I'm fighting my every instinct to not kill you where you stand. So how's Phil?'

My eyes prickled, like I was crying. I had to force myself to stop my hand from wiping my cheek. There were no tears to wipe away.

I put down my book and went to the back, glass wall. I stared out at the large backyard and the river and the trees, but I could also see my reflection in the glass. I was white and sparkling. I missed my mother, but she could never see me like this.

Edward:

Over the quiet sound of my music, I heard Bella moving around downstairs, and after a few moments of silence, I heard her sniffle.

Sniffle? That made no sense. I went downstairs to see what was going on.

Bella was standing in the living room, staring out the glass wall and into the backyard. Her brow was furrowed, and she seemed to be so deep in thought she hadn't even noticed my arrival. Either that or she ignored it; she may not care in the slightest whether or not I was in the room with her. The idea twisted my stomach a bit. It seemed to be all I noticed, all I cared about these days: being near Bella, being around Bella, being with Bella.

She sighed, her private thoughts were obviously troubling her.

"Bella, what's wrong?" I asked. She turned to me a little too quickly, her eyes betraying a hint of surprise as she saw me. So she hadn't noticed my entrance.

"Nothing," she responded, but her brow was still furrowed and her thoughts were still a thousand miles away.

"Tell me," I urged. I hated not knowing her mind!

She was silent for a moment. "It's stupid," she finally said dismissively.

"I want to know. I won't laugh," I promised, "if that's what you're worried about."

She sighed again. Then turned to fully meet my gaze. "I… I want eggs," she admitted, dropping our eye contact and dipping her head– in what, embarrassment? Her confession sent me reeling. What did she mean she wanted eggs? Did she mean it like the human food, or was she admitting to wishing she could have children? Before I'd gathered my thoughts enough to ask, she continued. "But obviously, I don't want eggs."

Well, good thing she cleared that up. There was a moment of silence while I waited for Bella to continue, and she was watching me, apparently waiting for some sort of response.

"I'm sorry, Bella, but what in the world are you talking about?" I finally _had_ to ask.

She ducked her head in that way that let her hair fall in her face. I immediately regretted the way I'd spoken. I didn't want to make her feel uncomfortable, and I certainly didn't want her to feel like she should have to hide from me. I wanted the exact opposite, actually. Surely, there had to have been a nicer way to ask her to elaborate. I was about to apologize when she spoke. "My mom was a very… _adventurous_ cook," she said. She was still hiding under her hair, and I didn't know if she was going to keep talking.

"Alright," I said carefully. I wanted to encourage her into continuing without making her feel any more embarrassed.

She looked up at me to continue her story, which I found much preferable, though I had to concentrate on not watching the delicate movements of her lips as she spoke. "When I was little, she used to make me breakfast in the morning before school. It was almost always scrambled eggs, but she had a thing for 'secret ingredients.'" Her mouth curved into an adorable, indulgent smile. "The eggs were usually horrible," she said, then sighed and was quiet for a moment. She seemed to be lost in some memory.

Her smile faded a little and she turned back to me to continue. "One day, when I was in fourth grade or something, I put my foot down. I told her I'd had enough of her secret ingredient eggs." Her smile completely turned into a disappointed frown now. I wondered what her mother had done to disappoint her. "She was all bummed about it, but she did as I asked. From that day on, breakfast was edible, but I always felt as though I'd taken all the fun out of it for her." She sighed and wrapped her arms around herself. Her whole body seemed to curl in on itself.

"I know…" her voice was trembling, "I know I can't eat human food anymore, and I know that they would be horrible even if I could, but I was just thinking… what I wouldn't give for some secret ingredient eggs right now." That was when I realized: she wasn't disappointed with her mother, but with herself.

She sobbed dryly, and I felt my heart break. I was next to her in an instant, and I wrapped my arms around her. It felt like the most natural thing in the world, having Bella in my arms, and she completed the feeling by turning to hug me as her body tried to shed non-existent tears.

I felt like such a jerk. She was sad, she was hurting, and all I could do was revel in the fact that she had made physical contact with me. Could I be more of a cad? But then again, I was making her feel better. _In a way, I'm being selfless_, I tried to convince myself, _even if I am killing two birds with one stone_.

After what was absolutely too short of a time, Bella pulled away. She wiped her hand across her face, even though there were no tears to clear away. Then she laughed at herself, seeming to realize the same thing.

"Sorry," she said, "I didn't mean to throw that on you."

"Don't apologize. The least I could do was listen. And I'm here for you," I promised.

She smiled at me, and pulled me in for another hug. "Thanks," she said, and she let go before I could even put my arms around her.

"Don't worry about it. The first year is hard." I was reminding myself as much as I was reminding her. Bella was a newborn, handling existing with any ounce of sanity was hard enough. She didn't need the added weight of knowing my feelings for her. "It gets better." I hoped it would, for the both of us.

"What was your human family like?" she asked suddenly.

It took me a second to register her question. I hadn't spoken about my human parent in so long, and I didn't know where to start, really.

"Oh, God. Sorry! That was so rude. I don't want to pry," she apologized, dropping her gaze and letting her hair fall between her eyes and mine.

Without thinking, I reached out to her and brushed her hair away, tucking it behind her ear. She glanced up at me, still looking embarrassed, and bit her lip nervously.

"I remember my mother better than my father," I told her, deciding to just jump in with whatever details I could think of. "She and I had the same hair color, but I think I looked more like my father than her."

After a moment of shock, Bella was enraptured. She paid careful attention while I told her all about my life in the early 1900's– what I could remember of it, anyway. I told her about my parents, who I loved; my desire to be a soldier, which I regretted; and dying of the flu before Carlisle saved me. I tried to fill in as much detail as I could, but that time was so fuzzy to me now.

"Do you ever miss your parents?" she asked me, once I'd finished describing them to her.

"Carlisle and Esme have been my parents for a long time, now," I told her. "But yes, sometimes. Mostly I just wish I could remember them better."

She was silent, but obviously thinking. Finally, in a small voice, she asked, "Am I going to forget my parents, too?"

I wanted to tell her no. I wanted to take the sadness out of her voice, but I didn't want to lie to her, and that was more important.

"You'll forget a lot about your human life," I admitted. "But the more you think about them, the easier they are to remember." I thought about how vividly Rosalie remembered her human life– because she'd brooded over every moment of it, regretting losing it, for so long.

She was quiet again, and I wondered if she was trying to think of the things she most didn't want to forget.

She glanced up at me, apprehensive, and bit her lip. I wanted to tug it out of her mouth. Maybe if I could stop her nervous habit, I could stop her being nervous. She obviously wanted to tell me something, or ask me something, and I wished she would just say it.

"What is it?" I asked her.

She dropped her gaze, embarrassed to be caught, but her hair stuck where I'd put it behind her ear, so I could still see her eyes as she considered telling me.

I wasn't going to let her decide against it. I put my hand under her chin and turned her head to look at me. Her eyes were so big and innocent, especially surprised and nervous as she was.

"You can tell me," I promised her. "Don't be so nervous. You can tell me anything."

She released her lip, and stared up at me like I was a mythical creature. Of course, by some standards, I was, but I didn't think that was surprising her now.

"There's something I think I want to know," she admitted after a long moment. I let go of her chin, though I missed the feel of her skin on my hand. To replace the feeling, I grabbed her hand, and gently squeezed in what I was hoping was a reassuring gesture.

"Tell me," I prompted. I had to stop myself from begging the words.

She sighed, resigned. "I want to know what happened to Charlie," she said.

Oh. That was going to be difficult.

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**So Bella gets all flustered by intimate contact with Edward, so that could mean she either really likes him, or she doesn't like him very much at all. Poor Edward, not knowing is going to kill him :P**

**Next chapter: We finally address the question of _What about Charlie? _That will be tomorrow, hopefully!**


	33. Chapter 33

**You guys! Hi! I don't know what's wrong with my computer or this website or what, but it wasn't letting me upload new documents! (Also, almost all the pictures are the little broken picture icon.) I'm hoping this works! I guess if anyone is reading this, then it must be working!**

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Edward:

I didn't really know what to tell Bella about Charlie. On the one hand, she was asking me, and I wanted to tell her the truth. But on the other hand, she probably wouldn't like the truth, and I wasn't sure she could handle it this early on.

I decided truth was most important– more so even than trying to protect her. If I ever wanted Bella to trust me, I had to be honest with her from the beginning.

"Charlie survived the accident," I told her. "Carlisle called the ambulance that saved him, but left before it arrived. The paramedics assumed Charlie was the one who called them, and Charlie didn't remember either way. He was admitted to the hospital, and woke up the next day. The first thing he did was ask about you, and when the doctors told him you were missing, he called a search party. Of course, people had already started looking for you, and of course, they didn't find you.

"The official report says that you were probably dragged off by an animal, and because the paramedics weren't sure how long Charlie was sitting in the road after the crash, it could have easily happened."

Bella was looking up at me, shocked. I considered stopping to let her absorb it all, but decided that maybe just telling her everything at once was best.

"I read his mind," I continued. "He didn't remember Carlisle's interference at all, which is what we'd worried about."

There was a long silence, and Bella was squeezing my hand tightly.

Finally, she asked quietly, "What does he think happened to me?"

I didn't want to tell her. "The search party had to stop on the second day because it was raining so hard, but the rain cleared the snow, and they picked up again. After a few days, they stopped. Charlie didn't want to, but you were declared dead. I dropped by your funeral, skipped history class to do it. You father was there, and your mother and her husband, Phil." I didn't want to think about her funeral. I'd hated listening to the grieving thoughts of her family. They all had pictures in their mind of Bella, alive and radiant and pink with blood in her cheeks. I looked at her now, white and cold, and I was sorry she had died.

_But if she had lived, I might have killed her anyway_, I thought, remembering the smell of her blood. Had she arrived in school the next day, smelling how she had, I wasn't sure I would have been able to resist her blood.

The thought made me sick. I could have killed her. I had to force myself to remember that she was here with me now, and that I didn't have to worry about hurting her now that she was one of us.

Bella was still silent. She had turned back to stare out the window. I couldn't guess what she was thinking, and it was killing me. I wished she would just say something.

To end the silence, I spoke more. "A few of Charlie's friends were there too," I said.

I hadn't really been expecting her to respond to that, but she did.

"Billy Black?" she asked.

I froze. Yes, Billy Black had been there. The old man in the wheel chair and his son were both in attendance. The younger Quileute was grieving mildly for the girl he barely knew, but his father had more on his mind. He was old enough that he believed the legends that were left in the tribe. He'd seen his own grandfather transform into a wolf, and he knew vampires were real and dangerous.

Billy Black suspected that Bella's disappearance had nothing to do with wild animals. He suspected the local monsters, but he had no idea we'd taken Bella in. He only assumed that we found her broken and dying, and stole her for her blood. He wanted to face us with the charge of breaking the treaty, but there were no more wolves left to defend the tribe, and he was not so foolish that he would accuse us. He knew there was nothing any number of humans could do to bring the justice he sought.

I wondered how Bella knew him.

"Charlie bought his old car for me," she said, as if she'd heard my unasked question. "He said it was a truck. I never even got to see it."

Bella went quiet again, but her grip on my hand didn't loosen. I didn't like seeing her brooding. I wanted to change the subject.

"What's your favorite color?" I asked suddenly. I hadn't even meant to, the question just fell out of my mouth. Bella started, and turned to me, looking surprised and confused. I wanted to hit my head against a wall, I felt so stupid. What sort of a question was that?! Abruptly, Bella began to laugh.

"Where did that come from?" she finally asked through giggles. God I loved the sound of her giggling. I laughed too.

"I don't know," I admitted. "I guess I'm just so used to knowing everything about everyone. It's strange for me being with you," I told her. It was true, but it wasn't the entire truth. I just really wanted to know every little thing about her.

She nodded, smiling indulgently. "My favorite color changes," she said.

"What is it now?" I asked, compulsively again.

She looked at me, and her head cocked to the side as she considered it. I held her gaze. Her eyes were bright red. I usually found the color off-putting when I encountered others of our kind, but her eyes looked so light and inquisitive. It was impossible to look away.

"Gold," she finally answered.

I beamed. "Like my room?" I asked. She rolled her eyes, and I wanted to scowl. _No, not like your room. She's not obsessed with you like you are with her_.

"Not quite," she answered. "I was thinking a little yellower than that. But your room is a nice color too," she added kindly. "What's your favorite color?" she returned my question.

I smiled. I liked that she would play this game with me, though I wanted her answers more.

"It changes," I answered. She rolled her eyes and swatted at my arm.

"You're just making fun of me," she accused playfully. She was s cute when she was playful.

"No, really," I promised.

"Fine. What's is it now?" she asked, mimicking my question.

I looked at her and smiled. The sun was shining on her through the window, and I could see the red strands in her hair. They shone with the same light and ferocity of her eyes.

"Red," I answered.

She considered that and frowned. "Blood?" she asked.

"No," I answered. I wanted to tell her why red was the most captivating color in my life right now, but I'd promised to keep my feelings from her, so I just didn't explain.

Her lips twisted as she tried to make sense of my answer, but she quickly sighed and gave up.

"So does that sate your need for random questions?" she asked, teasing me. She knew the answer.

"No," I said anyway. "I think I can come up with a few more." I could probably come up with thousands of questions to ask her.

She sighed, but smiled indulgently at me again. "Okay," she agreed. "Shoot."

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**God, I hope this makes it to the website! Also, the font os weird on my end, I don't know if that applies to anyone reading it :/**


	34. Chapter 34

**A/N: Well everyone, guess who's back. Now I know, I was literally gone for a year and a half from this story, and I bet my readers (if I still have any after a stunt like that) are super pissed. Well, my life took a couple crazy turns, and if we're being honest, I'm bad at keeping motivated. Which is sad, really, because the whole point of making a fic like this with chapters that are so short was that I thought I was setting a reasonable goal for myself.**

**Anyway, even after all this time, I just really wanted to finish this story, so I'm picking it back up. This time, if I abandon it again, I promise I'll at least post the outline, which goes through to the end, so that nobody will be left completely high and dry (again)**

**So, a thousand apologies, and without any further ado, here's the newest AV chapter.**

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Bella:

Edward asked me questions for _hours_. They started as favorites– colors, books, school subjects, places, human foods. But every little question led to bigger ones. Soon I was telling him about my life in Phoenix, my parents, my mom's husband, how I felt about Forks. His questioning was endless, but I prolonged it anyway by turning his questions back on him. He told me about the family, the different paths they took that led them all here. I tried to get him off the subject of them and back onto himself, but he didn't seem to like talking about himself very much. Well, if he was going to make me babble on for hours about me, I could at least return the insistence.

I thought my efforts were going undetected, but apparently, I was wrong.

"Why are you so determined to get me to talk about myself?" Edward asked as I heckled him into telling me about his time away from Carlisle.

"Why are you?" I countered defiantly. I didn't mind our game of Twenty Questions, but no way was he going to hold that over me when he was doing the same thing.

Edward smirked at me, like he was enjoying a joke I didn't get, but he answered, "I told you already, it's strange for me not knowing people's minds. You're such a mystery."

I didn't understand the look he was giving me. It was… excited? I scowled. So I was a puzzle to him. I guess it explained a lot. Was I _just_ a puzzle to him?

His expression shifted from whatever it was to confused. Before he could ask me what was wrong, I answered his other question.

"I'm just curious, I guess. That's why I want you to talk," I said, hoping he would be distracted.

I worked. He smiled at me. "You're always curious," he accused.

I laughed, despite myself. I felt so mercurial since my change, but I wasn't going to fight my mood swing if it was swinging back into happier territory.

"I guess I am," I agreed. "So how about you tell me about your renegade years?"

He sighed, glanced at me self-consciously, and said, "It's not my proudest moment, but if you insist."

Edward:

I couldn't deny her anything, that was becoming clear. I wished she hadn't asked about my dark years, but I didn't want to keep secrets from her. Perhaps it was better this way: Telling her early how much of a monster I could be. I just hoped she wouldn't hate me for it.

She listened intently through my story, and her usually expressive face gave almost nothing away. I kept waiting for shock or horror, but the most I ever thought I saw was worry. I wished for the millionth time that I could read her mind. I wanted to know so badly what she thought of me after hearing the more gruesome parts of my story, but as always, her mind was a vault.

By the end of telling her about the worst part of my life, and she still hadn't responded verbally, I just wanted to change the subject

"So that's it," I finished, "How about we move on to your next question."

She didn't respond, but watched me. She was obviously thinking, turning over my tale in her head. Was she trying to decide whether I was a monster or not? I wished she would stop.

She reached out and put a hand on my shoulder. "You're too harsh on yourself," she said, as if it were a plain and simple truth.

I wanted to believe it. Others in my family had told me the same thing before, but I blew them all off. If Carlisle had put his hand on my shoulder with the same words, I would have brushed his hand away. But I put my hand on top of Bella's, holding it to my shoulder and curling my fingers into her palm. I _wanted_ to believe her. I looked at her and her eyes held mine for a long, long moment. I didn't know what to say.

Finally, she sighed and smiled. "So, next question. Why did you change the plan to stay behind instead of Carlisle?"

_Because I love you, and even before I knew I loved you I couldn't stand the idea of being away from you_, I thought. I decided a lighter answer would go over better.

"Well, we're friends aren't we?" I teased. Bella smiled and nodded her agreement. "Also, Carlisle really did want to go with everyone, and I didn't. I wanted to stay home and spend time with you."

"But why?" she asked again. I found myself more upset at this line of questioning than I knew I had a right to be. Was she really so opposed to being left with me rather than Carlisle?

"Friends," I reiterated, trying not to scowl, she still looked unconvinced, so I threw in another perfectly valid reason. "And you've been avoiding me." I gave her a look, challenging her to deny it.

She shrunk under my gaze, embarrassed, and I felt bad for accusing her. Additionally, her response was as good as a confession, and her admission to what I had feared felt like a stone in my stomach.

"Why?" I asked, without thinking. I knew I shouldn't be forcing these questions on her, but I _had_ to know.

She played with her fingers and bit her lip for a couple seconds, and I waited for her to answer.

When she spoke, she spoke without looking at me. "I don't know, Edward, I guess I just felt like I was being so dependent on you. There are six other people in your family, but I kept making you take me hunting, and kept following you around and doing whatever you did, kept joining you uninvited on runs. And then it happened so much that it was what everyone expected, so I felt like you didn't have a choice. I didn't want to take your kindness for granted, so I tried to take myself off your hands. I was burdening you."

"Bella," I said, hoping to make her look at me. She continued to stare at her restless fingers. I couldn't stand it. I put my hand under her chin and made her look at me. Her eyes were embarrassed and apologetic.

"Don't _ever_ think that," I said, maybe a little too forcefully. "You're not a burden, you're my friend." I hated that word.

She sighed like she didn't believe me and removed her chin from my grasp.

"You're really nice, Edward," she said, as though it discredited me.

I smiled, ready to tease her again. "And you're too harsh on yourself," I mimicked, placing my hand on her shoulder now. She laughed, and copied my earlier movements too. She put her hand over mine, and wrapped her fingers into my palm. I wanted her to hold my hand like this forever.

I smiled at her, and she smiled back at me, though she rolled her eyes too. I wondered how long we could sit like this before Bella realized something was strange about me– before she understood that I would do anything to not break contact with her.

Not very long. It was only a couple seconds later that she shook my hand off and left for the other room.

Bella:

Everything was jumbled. Again. Thinking about the way Edward had been smiling at me was flipping my stomach again and again. I plopped down on the couch in the living room and turned the TV on, hoping it would distract me. It didn't, but something else caught my attention. As I flipped through channels as quickly as the remote would let me, the sky was slowly turning pink. Edward and I had been up all night talking, and now Friday morning was upon us.

Just as I found myself circling back around to the channels I'd already flipped through, Edward joined me in the living room.

"Care to go for a hunt?" he asked.

I considered it. I wasn't very thirsty, and I didn't really want to leave the house just now.

"Not really," I answered, wondering if I was making the right choice.

"Is there anything you would like to do?" he asked.

One thought popped into my head. "I'd love to hear you play some more," I suggested. He looked taken aback by my response, so I added, "If that's okay with you, of course. You don't have to."

He smiled at me. "No, I'd love to," he insisted. He held his hand out, and I took it. He led me to the piano and I sat on the edge of the bench, to give him room.

He started with one of the songs I'd heard him play before. I didn't recognize it past that, though.

"What is this song called?" I asked him.

He laughed once. "You know, I never got around to naming it," he said. "Most of my songs I end up leaving unnamed," he admitted.

It took me longer than it should have to process what he meant. "You _wrote_ this?" I asked, shocked.

He smiled, pride radiating off him, and nodded.

"When?" It was the first question that popped into my mind.

His smile softened from proud to fond. "Ages ago. After Esme joined our family. I was inspired, watching her and Carlisle fall in love."

Something hopeful twinkled in his eyes.

"It's very beautiful," I commented.

"Esme loves it. It's her favorite. But I think that might just be because all of my other songs are so melancholy."

"All of them?" I asked.

He glanced at me, maybe a little warily, and the song changed. It was the beautiful, peaceful song he'd played before.

"Not all of them," he answered, using the song he was playing as proof.

I smiled. "When did you write this one?" I asked.

He focused very hard on his hands, though he didn't seem to need to focus so hard to play.

"Um, pretty recently," he admitted, almost sounding embarrassed. "It's not really done yet."

"Well, it's lovely," I said.

He took a deep breath, and a loving look crossed his features as he studiously stared at the piano.

"Yes," he agreed, "lovely."

* * *

**I hate to break it to everyone, but this will continue to be a story with painfully short chapters. I know that's obnoxious, but I really do need to work on the whole 'obtainable goals' thing, and this is going in that folder.**

**Feel free to call me every bad word you know for making you wait this long! I won't hold it against anyone, promise!**


	35. Chapter 35

**Hi everyone, I just wanted to take a second to address something that people have asked about, which I will paraphrase into, "How is Bella so freaking dense?" and the only explanation I really have is that though Bella _is_ falling in love with Edward, she isn't capable of processing it. In the books, it's made clear that being a newborn is supposed to be a crazy, uncontrollable time (PMS x1000, anyone?), and Edward even thinks Bella is going to forget that she loves him for a while. Even after everything they have together, he warns her that she might not love or want him at all in the beginning because of how tumultuous the first year.**

**So that was the whole basis for this story- take away any preparation Bella had to become a vampire, take away her pre-existing love for Edward, and watch them flail– I mean, watch their relationship develop. Bella is still doing a fantastic job being a vampire, she's definitely still born to be one, she just doesn't have a point of reference for how she feels about Edward, and she's having a hard enough time understanding the emotions she's familiar with, let alone something as new and frightening and confusing as love... **

* * *

Edward:

I played the piano for Bella for hours. I kept trying to play famous pieces that sounded happy and beautiful, but she kept asking after more of the songs I'd written, and eventually steering me back to them. Some I found difficult to play, as sad as they were, because she was next to me, smiling, sighing, resting her head on my shoulder. The sun was hanging low in the sky when I stopped.

"I don't think I know anything else," I said, my fingers still resting on the keys.

Bella smiled at me, the perfect image of satisfaction. The dreamy look on her face made her almost seem drowsy, if that were possible. "That's okay. I was just thinking it might be nice to lie in the sun for a while."

I smiled back at her. "Sounds like a good idea to me," I agreed, standing up and offering her my hand.

She put her hand in mine while she stood, but didn't keep it as we left the piano. She walked a step ahead of me, but paused at the back door, her hand hovering over the handle warily.

I recognized the anxious look on her face, and I wondered if she was remembering the time she broke the very same handle clean off the door from the other side. I wanted to say something encouraging, or to tell her not to worry if she broke it again, but before I could, her expression hardened into resolve and she grabbed the handle carefully but meaningfully.

When the door opened without anything breaking, she released it, allowing it to swing out over the back porch, and turned to look at me. Her smile was wide and beautiful, and the triumph was clear.

"Congratulations," I teased.

She pulled her grin into a smirk, "I'd like to thank the academy," she joked back.

I laughed as we walked through her accomplishment and into the backyard. I assumed we were going to run somewhere, maybe to the meadow again, but Bella seemed perfectly content to lie down in the grass just off the porch. I lay down next to her, though about a foot away.

I tried not to look at her, I really did, but after a few minutes of silence, I couldn't stand it anymore. I turned my head, and saw Bella. My chest hurt from how beautiful she was, and my muscles tingled with the desire to move closer to her. She was lying flat on her back, legs crossed and arms folded on her stomach. Her eyes were closed, and she was breathing deeply and steadily. If I didn't know better, I might have said that she'd fallen asleep. She was so peaceful.

With her eyes closed, I had every opportunity to just _stare_. I looked at her face, her arms, her legs, the way the rise and fall of her breath moved her hands, the tiny movement in her feet, flexing every few minutes, the serene smile that rested so easily on her lips. I was captivated.

The sun began to set, and the sky turned pink, and Bella, as if sensing how beautiful the scenery had become, opened her eyes. She sat up and looked off into the horizon towards the last remnants of the sun. I sat up too, and tried not to stare at her anymore, not that she could catch me.

Just as the last sliver of sun disappeared, leaving the sky a dim blue, ready to darken into night, Bella turned and looked at me.

"There was a question I wanted to ask you earlier…" she trailed off.

I caught myself before I said, 'Anything,' reverently, and forced myself to be casual. "Oh yeah, and what was that?"

Her face screwed up with indecision. "It might be too personal," she hedged.

I laughed. "Are you going to make me pull this one out of you, too?" I quipped.

She laughed too. "Good point. I guess you'd make me ask it eventually anyway."

"That's what you get for bringing it up," I continued teasing.

"Okay, in that case, well, I don't exactly know how to phrase it…" she pulled her legs up to her chest and hugged them, thinking. I decided to just wait and she what she came up with.

It was only a few seconds of waiting, but it felt like a very long time. When she finally did speak again, it wasn't at all what I was expecting. "You said you were born in 1901, right?"

That couldn't possibly be her question. "Yes," I prompted, hoping to get her to continue.

"So then, that makes you 108, technically."

I laughed, thinking I finally got the gist of where she was going. "Yes it does. It seems like a long time to you, I'm sure, but that's not very old for a vampire."

I had thought that was her question, but she still looked like she was holding something back, so I waited. I watched her, and she fidgeted under my gaze. I considered looking away, but I wasn't prepared to let her question go, whatever it was that was making her this uncomfortable.

"Well," she finally started again, "I was just wondering if, because you've been around for a hundred years, you must have a lot of life experience, but you never mentioned anything earlier, but then you were just talking about your family. I don't know if you'd even mention anything, really–"

"Bella, you're rambling," I told her. She looked up at me, with the deer-in-the-headlights look she got when she was nervous. "Just ask it." I hoped she couldn't hear how desperate I was for her to spit it out.

"Have you ever been in love?" She asked, flustered and fast.

I froze, unsure how to answer her. The truth would be yes, of course, but only just very _very_ recently, but I didn't think that was a great idea, and I also didn't think that was her reason for asking the question.

She groaned with regret, "See, I knew it was too personal. I was just, well, I was wondering because the rest of the family is all sort of paired up, but if they're all as old as you are, or even somewhere near that old, how does that work? Do vampires date each other for dozens of years and part ways? I know Carlisle and Esme are married, but are they, or is that just a part of the 'we're humans' disguise. I mean, it's a whole different thing to tell someone you love them forever when you _actually have_ forever, you know?"

Though I still felt a little off balance from her question, I thought I understood what she was really asking.

"Well," I started, unsure how to phrase my answer without bringing into it how I felt about her. "We– or, vampires, do fall in love, but generally just once. Change for our kind is unusual, and when it does happen, it's permanent."

"So Carlisle and Esme, or, all of them for that matter?"

"Together forever," I promised. I part of me felt so warm, thinking that might include us some day.

"But you've never loved anyone? Not even as a human?" she pressed. And just when I thought I'd successfully avoided that one.

"No," I lied as casually as I could manage.

"Me either," she responded.

Bella:

The sky was dark, and I felt a new chill in the air, though the temperature didn't bother me anymore. Almost as soon as our conversation ended, Edward stiffly excised himself to take a shower. I couldn't imagine what it would be, but I felt like I had done something wrong. Maybe asking Edward about being in love _was_ too personal. Maybe he had been lying, and he had been in love before, but something had happened to them. I sighed, wishing I knew about whatever Edward wasn't telling me, but also wanting to respect his privacy. If he had loved someone before and felt he'd needed to lie to me about it, there was probably a good reason, and I probably shouldn't pry.

I wandered back into the house, and could hear Edward's shower still running. None of the lights were on in the living room, or anywhere on the ground floor for that matter, and the door to the backyard still hung limply open, letting a breeze rustle the house ominously. In the dark and the cold, I suddenly felt overwhelmingly lonely. I tried to shake the feeling as I went back and closed the door and turned on some lights, but I couldn't. I would never see my human family again, or any of the people I knew in Phoenix, though none of them had been particularly close friends. I tried to think of my new family. Alice's joy, Emmett's energy, Jasper's friendliness, Rosalie's (admittedly reserved) acceptance. Carlisle's compassion, Esme's heart. Edward's friendship. The last was probably worth more to me than anything else in the world right now, and I was suddenly very despondent that I'd apparently upset him.

I wondered if there was anything I could do to fix it, but couldn't think of anything. _Maybe that's for the best,_ I thought. Sometimes picking at something just makes it worse. I decided the best thing I could do would be to change the subject, in a sense. I would find something perfectly normal to do with Edward and not say anything that would be bothersome and prove that I can be good company.

* * *

**Oh Bella, got something on your conscious, there?**

**I forgot to say before- Thank you all for 500 reviews! It's astounding to me that so many people are reading this and like it! I hope I can keep it interesting enough to not let you down!**


	36. Chapter 36

**Well, I guess I'm just churning these out, but I am anxious to get to my favorite part of the story- and what I'm sure will be the most exciting part for all you reading out there, so that's helping me breeze through these chapters.**

**Enjoy!**

* * *

Edward:

I was in the shower much longer than I needed to be. The hot water felt relaxing, though, and it gave me time to settle. Bella's questions about being in love shouldn't have riled me up so much, but they did. Somehow, talking about love with her had started blowing up a tiny little balloon of hope inside me, only to have it violently popped at the end.

But none of that should have been happening anyway. I knew a newborn couldn't be expected to feel anything complicated. Newborns couldn't process emotions and thoughts and feelings into anything much past thirst, fear, and safety. I should be happy at all that Bella felt safe enough around me to think of me as a friend instead of just an ally.

But no matter how reasonable I tried to force myself to be, I kept slipping up! I didn't know how Carlisle managed to keep his love under control all that time with Esme, but then again, he hadn't loved her as early as I was currently loving Bella.

Emmett woke up almost immediately in love with Rose, but even he admitted later that the first few months were just lust and instinct. He didn't _really_ love her until later. I didn't think that would be something I would even want from Bella, if we were in the same situation. As much as the idea of Bella being attracted to me was pleasant, I wanted her to _love_ me, not lust after me.

But then again, Bella was more present and self-possessed than any newborn I had ever known. Though I couldn't read her mind, I would confidently say it was more level than anyone in the family's, except maybe Carlisle.

I finally decided that I'd showered plenty long enough and turned off the water. The bathroom was warm and full of steam, and as I tousled my towel through my hair to dry it, I didn't look forward to leaving it for the cold hallway. Though I wasn't physically bothered by the temperature difference, there was something almost spiritually soothing about warmth.

With my towel secured around my waist, I braced myself for the clod dark hallway.

What I found was not what I had braced myself for.

Bella was standing at the end of the hallway, leaning against the wall just outside my bedroom door. She glanced up at me when I stepped out of the bathroom, and for a tiny, fraction of a second, her eyes went wide before she quickly turned her gaze back down to the floor. I walked to my door, forcing back the smile that was trying to appear on my face.

"Bella?" I asked. She was still staring _hard_ at her feet. "Can I help you with something?" It took all the self-control I had to keep the teasing out of my voice.

She looked up at me, like she was going to say something, but it got caught in her throat. He eyes darted from my face down to my chest, off to the side, back to my face, and then up to the ceiling.

Maybe having Bella lust after me wouldn't be the worst thing in the world.

Still looking at the ceiling, she responded, "Sorry, I was just going to– but you should go get dressed." Her eyes glanced back to my face, for a second, then shot back to focusing on the ceiling.

"I'll be right out," I said, brushing past her into my room to get changed. Despite the fact that I could have put on some clothes in less than a second, I took a little time to grin like an idiot to myself and regain my composure. I briefly played with the idea of inviting her in without a shirt on still, but I knew that would be a ridiculous and petty thing to do, so I managed to put one on before reopening my door.

"So, what's going on?" I asked her, still wanting to know what she was doing waiting outside my room. The urge to teasingly imply that she had been waiting there to see me in only a towel was hard to suppress, but she had looked so surprised and flustered I knew that couldn't be the real reason, and I didn't want to make her uncomfortable.

Bella still looked a little frazzled, but she answered, "I was hoping you'd let me go through your music collection, but I obviously didn't think through the plan of waiting out here for you."

I laughed. "Of course you can, and don't worry about it." I smiled, hoping to get across that she was welcome here.

She smiled back, and I thought she'd understood. I walked back into my room, and Bella followed. I sat on the sofa in the middle of the room, and she went to the music shelves.

"I don't know where to start," she admitted after a few seconds.

I joined her, and picked up a newer CD. It was what Emmett referred to as 'emo music,' but Emmett pretty much referred to anything that wasn't classic rock as emo music, so his opinion meant little to me.

As I put the CD into the player, Bella picks up the case and laughed indulgently.

"What?" I asked, confused by her reaction.

"It's just a funny coincidence," she admitted. "Phil got me the same CD as a going away present. I never got a chance to listen to it, but I guess now I will," she finished with a smile.

For the rest of the night, Bella and I sat in my room listening to music. She picked most of the CDs, but every now and then, I would cut in and put on one I thought she would like. We talked some, mostly about music, sometimes about memories associated with certain songs or bands, but mostly, we sat in companionable silence. When changing CDs, Bella would settle down somewhere else. Sometimes she'd sit with me on the sofa, sometimes she'd stand and continue to look at the music shelves, sometimes she'd sit on the floor, sometimes she'd wander around the room and look at the things I had lying around, constantly asking permission to touch anything, no matter how many times I told her she had free reign.

It was a calming night, and though my favorite times were when she sat next to me, leaning her head on my shoulder or letting me drape my arm around her, it was also nice just having her around, gravitating like a satellite. I just liked having her in my space.

Before I knew it, it was morning again. Saturday already, and I felt like our weekend had barely started. Time had just flown by. As I watched Bella pick through some of the books I had lying around, I realized there was something off about her. She didn't seem tense, but almost antsy. It reminded me of yesterday, when we lay in the sun and she was twitching her toes. Now she was absent-mindedly running her thumbs along her other fingers. Thinking back, she had been doing all sorts of little nervous ticks all night and most of yesterday, but he had disregarded them as normal human things. Except we weren't humans, and vampires didn't _need_ to fidget.

"Bella?" I asked, and her head snapped to me a little too quickly. "Are you okay?" I stood and walked over to her. She seemed a little confused by the question, until I stilled her hands with my own.

"Oh, I guess I just feel a little restless," she shrugged. "Is that not normal?"

It wasn't, but I didn't want to worry her. Instead, I tried to think that it could be. She'd never been nervous around me before, so I discounted myself as the cause. _Maybe she's nervous because she realized her feelings for you_, the traitor part of my brain suggested. But before I could even reprimand myself for thinking it, I realized something else: I had completely failed at the only job I'd had all weekend.

"Oh God, Bella, I'm so sorry," I said, realizing how stupid I'd been.

"What? Why?" she asked. "You haven't done anything."

"Exactly!" I said. "I was supposed to be taking care of you, and we haven't been hunting all weekend. When was the last time you went out? Wednesday morning with Esme?"

"Oh," Bella said, the realization dawning on her. "Yeah. Wow, I didn't really realize it, but now that I'm thinking about it, I'm really thirsty."

"I know," I said, ashamed. I couldn't believe I had let that slip by me. I couldn't believe that I had been so caught up in my stupid little romance daydreams that I had neglected the single most important thing in keeping a newborn sane and calm.

_Now that I think about it…_ "How are you this sane right now?" I asked. It occurred to me only after that maybe it wasn't very polite of a question.

Bella's brow furrowed. "Maybe the music?" she guessed. "I realize now I was feeling a little crazy Friday morning, I don't know if you remember."

I thought back, but I didn't remember her acting strange, except maybe a little uncomfortable at how invasive I was being. But I would have put the blame for that on me, not her.

Regardless, "Okay, let's go get you something to eat."

* * *

**Seriously, Edward, you had ONE JOB!**

**Thankfully, nothing too emotional has been going on for the lack of blood to have too big of an effect, but being antsy and nervous and having mood swings are pretty indicative of waiting too long between hunts for a newborn, and spoiler that's going to come in later in a really _fun_ way! haha**


	37. Chapter 37

Edward:

Finding a good herd of deer turned out to be harder than I had expected. We ended up running for a long time in a direction I was just barely familiar enough with to be confident there weren't any humans. When we finally found some deer, I decided to hang back while Bella got her fill. It was fascinating to watch her, though she didn't really hunt any differently from anyone else. But for some reason I couldn't look away. Watching her stalking, running, pouncing, it was all very sensual in a way.

I felt like a voyeur, and tried to turn my attention elsewhere. I decided to take down a buck of my own, and I chased one that had run off into the woods.

When I rejoined Bella, she had emptied a few deer and was looking much more relaxed and healthy than this morning.

She also had blood covering her mouth, though she had managed to keep her clothes relatively clean. I saw her wipe her lips with the back of her hand, and then struggle to try to figure out where to wipe the back of her hand. I couldn't help but smile.

"Follow me," I said, and she did. I led her to a clearing with a wide stream running between it and the woods on the other side. The only other time I had been here, there had been some animals I was stalking around, but today, it was empty. I wondered if we had scared them off from as far away as we'd been. It wasn't out of the question.

Bella went to the riverside and washed her hands and her face. I watched her do that, too, continuing to be entranced by the most mundane things, apparently. But there was something so beautiful about the way she splashed the water onto her face, and I envied the drops that rolled over her lips and off her chin.

In my continued effort to curb my voyeuristic tendencies, I crouched down by the riverside to try to use the water as a mirror, checking myself for blood from my hunt. I was vaguely aware of Bella leaving the water and moving towards me, but I was intent on ignoring her for at least a few more moments.

Suddenly, I was shoved from behind and fell into the stream. Shocked and confused, I immerged from the knee-deep water and looked to where I had been. Where Bella now was, hands over her mouth, holding in a laugh, eyes alight with mirth.

"I didn't think I'd succeed," she said, half apology half gloat.

"You're going to wish you hadn't," I growled, smirking at her.

I lunged, grabbing her around the waist and tossing her even further into the water. Her shriek was cut off by a splash. She came up, gasping unnecessarily, in the middle of the stream, where it was deep enough that the water was half way up her stomach.

She laughed, and splashed the water hard, sending a high spray towards me. I splashed back, and when she closed her eyes against the coming spray, I dove under to knock her feet out from under her.

She managed to jump away from me before I could grab her ankles, and when my head came back above water, she lunged, grabbing both of my shoulders with her hands and tackling us both into the water.

We were both under the water for a moment, and I swear, time stopped. My back was against the riverbed, and Bella was suspended an arms length in front of me, still bracing her arms against my shoulders. The surface of the water was blue and white behind her head, and beams of sunlight were filtering down unevenly around her. Her hair was splayed all around her head, and in the places where it was thinnest, the light could be seen dancing in it. But most noticeably, she was smiling wide and carelessly, playful from the game and triumphant to have the upper hand. I was glad I didn't have to breathe, because all the air in my lungs left in a burst of bubbles. This, her, the water, the sun, her hair, her face, her smile, all of it, it was the most beautiful thing I'd ever seen. I don't know how long the moment lasted. Maybe it wasn't even a second, maybe it was several, but the image burned into my retinas, and too soon she was pulling away, bringing herself back to the water's surface. I didn't even realize until I was in the air, too, that she had grabbed my hands and was pulling me with her. I tried to call my brain to attention, but suddenly she was laughing, delightful peals of loud, genuine, happy laughter, and I was stunned again. Without knowing I had started, I was suddenly laughing with her, and I could feel the tension draining from every inch of my body.

After a moment, Bella quieted, and with a content smile, trudged her way out of the river to lie on the grass in the clearing. I followed after her, and we slowly began to dry in the sun.

"It's so strange," Bella started, turning her head to look at me, "not having to breathe underwater." Her comment dangled, not needing a response, and she turned her face back to the sky, closing her eyes and letting the sun soak into her.

She took a deep breath, and I knew I had to look away. The feeling of voyeurism was bad enough when she was doing something mundane, but I couldn't in good conscious allow myself to watch her chest expand against a wet T-shirt. I refused to stoop that low in my unrequited obsession.

Looking at the sky, feeling the sun warm on my bare skin and the wind cold on my wet clothes, it was easy to pretend I wasn't thinking about her. But I was. The vision of her underwater, haloed by her hair and the sun and the rippling blue surface of the stream, was etched into my mind, and whether I looked at the sky or the trees or closed my eyes entirely, I saw her.

* * *

**Still riding the one-sided longing train, apparently. But these two have less than 24 hours before the family gets home and Jasper realizes what's changed in Edward. That will be fun.**


	38. Chapter 38

**Okay, so this chapter is really short, but the next one will be really long, so I hope that makes up for it, maybe?**

**Also, I've decided to turn off guest reviews (You can moderate guest reviews and approve or deny them, so I'm just going with the 'deny all without reading them' option). Some of the people posting as guests are being super annoying because this story isn't fitting their head-cannons and the characters aren't acting in the way they want them to, so I've just decided to ignore them. **

**If you want to have a discussion with me about the books and the liberties I am or am not taking with characters' personalities, at least log in so I can respond to the questions and/or comments!**

* * *

Bella:

By the time we got back home, still a little damp from the stream, it was dusk. Whether because of the blood I had drank or because Edward and I were getting along so well again, I felt to happy and serene. I hadn't realized how strong of an effect thirst could have on my mood, my sanity, and my control until it was suddenly gone and I felt settled again. I never wanted to go so long without blood again. I'd been so nervous about everything the last few days, and now I felt so free.

"I'm going to go take a shower," I told Edward as we entered the house through the back doors. Between the hunt, the stream, and the hours spent lying in the grass and running through the woods, I really needed to wash up.

"You read my mind," he teased, before leaving for the bathroom on the third floor by his room. I grabbed a change of clothes out of the hall's linen closet, where I'd been storing my things against Alice's protests, and showered on the second floor.

Edward:

I heard Bella's shower go off while I was still in mine, and realized that was probably a good indicator that I'd been in here too long. I still procrastinated another minute or so telling myself it was because of the warm water, but it wasn't really. I had this little fantasy that Bella would once again be waiting outside my door to see me in my towel. Was it a stupid daydream to have? Yes. Yes it was, but that didn't stop it. When I finally left the bathroom, she wasn't there. In fact, I could hear her downstairs by the washing machine. I sighed at my own stupidity, and got changed in my room.

Just as I was buttoning up the blue shirt I'd chosen, there was a knock at my door.

"Edward," Bella's voice called, though she could have whispered and I would have heard her. "I'm doing a load of laundry, do you want to throw in your wet clothes, too?"

I hadn't been sure what she had come upstairs for, but my imagination had come up with a hundred better scenarios than _laundry_ in the half second it had to work with. I rolled my eyes at myself.

Pushing those thoughts aside, I said, "Sure! Thank you!" while grabbing my clothes and opening the door. We went downstairs, and I threw my clothes in the machine with hers.

After starting the machine, Bella went to our sofa on the living room and pulled up a book she'd left on the side table before. I wanted to join her, so I plucked something off the bookshelf and sat down. I almost laughed when I saw the title. It was the same copy of Romeo and Juliet that I'd offered to Bella on her first day. Some of the pages were ripped, and one page was completely detached and left gingerly in its place. It was strange to think how far Bella had come in just a few weeks. She didn't rip book pages anymore, and she proved she could open the doors without taking the handles off of them. Thinking about it, I realized that Bella has probably caused the least amount of destruction in her first weeks, well, except maybe if you included everything she broke when she was on a blood rampage and tore up the living room. She was so controlled, it was easy to imagine she was so much older than she was. I wondered if she was like that in her human life, too, old for her age. It wouldn't have surprised me one bit.

I tried to focus on Romeo and Juliet, but all the talk of star crossed love and wooing girls turned my thoughts again and again back to Bella. _I wonder how long it'll be before I can woo her_, I thought, and then laughed at myself for actually using the word 'woo.' Bella glanced up at me for chuckling, glancing between me and the book– not particularly a comedy – and then obviously deciding not to ask.

I had to stop myself from laughing more as my thoughts ran away from me, imagining what sort of things I could do to win Bella's heart. It seemed like it would be silly to bring her flowers, or serenade her with music, or write her poetry. Maybe, in the place of a heart-shaped box of chocolates, I could kill a mountain lion and stuff it into the heart-shaped box for her.

Out of nowhere, Bella scootched closer to me, and when I held my arm up invitingly, she wound into the space and rested her head on my shoulder.

Maybe wooing Bella wouldn't be so hard after all.

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**P.S. I rewrote the story to be more pleasing for the people who thing it's taking too long:**

**One day, Carlisle turned Bella into a vampire. When he brought her home, everyone was super supportive and understanding, especially Rosalie, who has never been a selfish, hypocritical character, and Jasper, who never over-worries about the safety of Alice and the family. Nobody in the family ever has any problems, because they all have pretty relaxed personalities, and there are rarely any differences of opinion.**

**Bella woke up and she was perfect. Nothing bad happened at all. Turns out being a newborn vampire is super easy. She and Edward look into each others eyes, and without having to say a word, are instantly in love. They get married the next day, and Bella, who had never been in love before and low-key has commitment issues because or not because of her parents divorce (not that she's afraid to commit, but that she worries other people's promises don't mean much), doesn't worry about any of that and never experiences a second of doubt.**

**They live happily ever after the end.**

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**So, as I said before, no more guests reviews. If this story really bothers you, the simple solution is to just stop reading it, I guess :/**

**For those of you who still like it, thank you, and I promise to have the next (very long and exciting, I swear) chapter to you soon!**


	39. Chapter 39

**Here's the long chapter I promised! I guess it isn't that long in general, but compared to what I usually post, it's long. Enjoy! **

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Bella:

We sat on the sofa all night, reading. I felt a sort of peace I don't think I'd ever felt before tucked under Edward's arm. Being this close to him just felt so comfortable. It felt like I was finally at home. Eventually the sun began to rise, and Edward shifted.

"The family is going to be home soon," he said. "Is there anything else you want to do? We could go hunting again, if you want." His face screwed up when he suggested hunting, and I could tell he felt guilty about passing almost the whole weekend without taking me out. I wanted to tell him he was being silly, it was my fault as much as his, but it seemed like something he would argue against, and I didn't want any sort of argument to ruin this peace.

"I'm not thirsty," I said, and it was true. I'd promised myself that I would keep better tabs on my thirst after yesterday. The lack of blood had really gotten to me, and I never wanted to feel that restless anxiety again.

Edward opened his mouth, and I got the impression he was about to protest my decision to not go hunting, so I cut him off by putting a finger over his lips.

"You know what I do want to do?" I asked, hoping to change the direction of his thoughts.

He looked at me, his lips still under my finger, and for the first time in a while, I realized, I couldn't read his expression. He was looking at me _strangely_, but I couldn't put my finger on what it was.

I decided not to dwell on it. "I want to go back to your room and go through some more music," I told him with a smile.

He was silent for a second, wide-eyed, and I worried he was going to deny me, but whatever had come over him, he shook off and somewhat absently said, "Sure, yeah, of course."

When he stood up, I saw that his shirt was riding up in the back, and my eyes lingered on the sliver of skin back there.

Pushing down whatever that was, I stood too as he adjusted his shirt, unknowing that I'd noticed it. I followed him upstairs, and picked out one of the albums I'd been interested in the other day. Edward smiled when I handed it to him, still too scared of breaking things to handle the delicate CDs, and went to put it in the stereo.

The CD was from an Indie band I'd heard a couple songs of, but still largely didn't know. After a brief, slow intro, the singer started crooning gently.

"What made you pick this?" Edward asked seriously, as if my answer would hold some huge significance to him.

I laughed once, almost not wanting to admit it. "The album art," I confessed. "Is that bad of me? Judging a book by its cover?"

Edward laughed briefly too, plopping down on the sofa. "No, it's a nice album."

I joined him on the couch and sidled up next to him. He more than willingly wrapped his arm around me, and the strange feeling from downstairs stirred in my stomach again. I couldn't name it. It was somewhere between nervous and wary and anticipating, like I knew something was coming but I didn't know what to do about it.

I instinctually wanted the feeling to go away– it felt wild and unreasonable– but it wasn't entirely bad, and I found myself not knowing how I felt about it. Not knowing how I felt about not knowing how I felt seemed like a dangerous game to be playing, and I thought maybe I should say something to Edward. I looked up at him, and he was already looking at me. He had the same expression on his face from before, the one I couldn't place.

I found myself forgetting what I was going to ask him. I found myself forgetting what I was thinking. I felt all the different emotions I'd been trying to keep in check acting up, but I was trapped by some unnamable force where I was.

What was going on?

Edward:

I was lost in her eyes. I couldn't think. There was nothing to think about except Bella, her shoulders tucked under my arm, her body leaning against mine, her eyes staring at me, her lips just barely parted. Our eyes couldn't leave each other's. My hand over her shoulder gripped her tighter to me, and my free hand rose to cup her cheek. She leaned into it, closed her eyes for a second and hummed a short, content sounding note. She opened her eyes to look back into mine, and even knowing my heart hadn't beat in decades, it felt like it stopped.

Slowly– slowly enough that she could consider and have time to pull away– I leaned towards her.

I pressed my lips to Bella's, reveling in the way I seemed to set on fire where my lips met hers. She deepened the kiss, pulling herself closer to me. One of her hands knotted in my hair, and the other wrapped around to clutch the back of my shirt.

There was a sudden ripping sound, and I heard Bella whisper, "oops," as she dropped my shirt, now in two ragged halves, to the floor.

I laughed, then returned to kissing her. My hands left her face and traveled down her neck and over her shoulders. Her skin was so soft, I wanted to feel it with my lips.

She moaned a small complaint when my lips left hers, but when I began kissing her neck, the sound lapsed back into one of pleasure.

Her hands were on me now, wild and desperate, as I kissed my way up and down her neck. She was running her fingers all over my recently exposed chest and clutching at back, and it felt like nothing I'd ever experienced. I longed to feel more of her. My hands went to her waist and tucked under her shirt. She gasped at the contact, and I returned my mouth to hers as my hands groped higher.

She broke the kiss for a second, startling me, but she only left me long enough to pull her shirt up and over her head and drop it on the floor beside us.

Unable to stop myself, I dove to kiss her exposed shoulders, nudging the straps of her bra out of the way so I could caress her skin uninterrupted.

_Holy shit!_ A voice that wasn't mine rang in my head.

I froze. I knew that mental voice too well. Bella noticed my tension, and the two of us looked to the doorway as a unified pair of deer in the headlights.

Bella made a sort of squeaking-shrieking sound, which I would have found cute except for the fact that Emmett was standing in the doorway to my room, astounded and amused, mentally congratulating me and ribbing me simultaneously.

Bella dove for her shirt on the floor and clutched it to her chest.

"Emmett. Get. Out." I ordered, growling at my brother.

Emmett complied, after winking at me, and laughed as he ran back down the stairs, thinking about how he was going to tell everyone. The rest of the family was just now coming up the drive– Emmett had raced ahead in his jeep, taking the turns too fast to accomplish that off-roading feeling he loved. Bella pulled her shirt back on, and I went to my drawer to find another. She picked a half of my ripped, blue shirt off the floor and stared angrily at it. She threw it against the wall and dropped her head into her hands and groaned. Everyone was in the house now, wondering why Emmett was grinning like an idiot. I put my hand on Bella's shoulder, and opened my mouth to tell her that everything would be fine, but she forcefully shoved my hand off her.

The pain of rejection washed through me, and I had to stop myself from shuddering. She rose quickly, silently and without looking at me, and ran out of my room.

I didn't know what to do. I was frozen. I wanted to chase after her, to demand she explain herself. She can't just kiss me like that and leave! But that was unfair of me. Whatever she was feeling, I had to respect it. I wanted to curl up into a ball and die in a corner. I wanted to follow her and profess my love in any and every way I could to make her understand, make her so aware of my feelings for her that she would have no choice but to return them. I wanted to punch Emmett in the face for ruining the most perfect moment of my life.

Speaking of Emmett, he and the rest of the family had just watched Bella, flustered and embarrassed and beautiful, run out of the house without meeting anyone's eyes. They were all wondering what was going on, and they were turning to Emmett for answers.

He watched Bella leave, and felt a pang of guilt when he saw how upset she looked by the whole thing, though he attributed it just to embarrassment at getting caught. He was at least kind enough to wait until she was out of earshot to start laughing again.

Jasper was caught up worrying about Bella being on the loose. Alice was trying to extrapolate the past by looking into the future. Rose was annoyed by the theatrics, but even she was curious about what had happened. Esme was worried about me, as she always is. The only person's thoughts I didn't want to violently shove from my head right now were Carlisle's. He was worried about Bella. Jasper was worried only that Bella would expose us if she were left alone, but Carlisle was worried that Bella was unhappy. He didn't want that. He was wondering if I would be able to fix it, he had seen that we'd become friends. Little did he know, I was the one who hurt her.

I wanted to bang my head against the wall. I knew. I knew this entire time that I couldn't do this to Bella. I knew that she was young and her emotions were wild, and I promised myself I would wait for her to be more levelheaded and stable before I approached her with any romantic intent. I promised myself I would make the first year easier for her, and instead I made it infinitely more complicated. Of course she ran from me.

"Emmett, what's going on?" Carlisle finally asked.

Emmett laughed again and I wanted to smack the grin off his face so badly that I ran all the way downstairs before I got control of the urge.

Everyone turned their attention to me, noting my anger and frustration. Esme's worry deepened, as did Emmett's amusement.

He barely managed to reign in his laughter to say, "Nice shirt, Edward. I dig the stripes. That blue didn't really look good on you, but I guess Bella told you that already!" Then he rolled into another bout of raucous laughter.

"Is anyone going to explain what happened?" Alice demanded, finding no answers in the future except Bella huddled the forest under a large tree a few miles north.

"_Nothing_ happened," I growled. I wasn't sure why I was upset with Alice, but her vision was twisting the knife in my chest and I couldn't quite control the tone of my voice. Jasper was suddenly angry at me too, and mentally scolded, _don't you dare speak to her like that_. I took a deep breath and said again, more politely, "Nothing happened."

Jasper was mollified, but Emmett was not. "Don't _lie_ to them!" I shot him a look that clearly demanded he shut up before I hurt him, but apparently my threats meant nothing today. "Come on, Edward, tell them! It's not that bad, I'm sure we'll all find a way to forgive you," he taunted.

"Forgive you? Edward, please explain," Esme said.

"Yeah Edward," Emmett teased, "explain."

Carlisle spoke before I could growl at Emmett, who would have loved the chance for a good fight. "Emmett, leave your brother alone," he demanded.

Emmett sighed, his fun officially killed. "Fine."

"And Edward, if something is going on that you need to tell us about…" He trailed off, leaving it open ended and giving me the option to keep my secret to myself. Emmett's mental voice promised that if I didn't tell them, he certainly would.

I pinched my nose as I weighed my options, then, resigned to my fate, admitted, "It was really nothing. It was just a… a kiss."

Very few times in my life have I heard such silence from the minds of my family. There were a few gasps and the faint feel of disbelief and astonishment, but for a moment, no thoughts. Even Emmett was shocked that I admitted it. His was the first voice to come back, though. He clapped his hand on my back and said loudly, "And it's about damn time, isn't it!"

When the gears in everyone's heads started turning, the disbelief turned to lighthearted, amused thoughts. Everyone seemed to think it was funny, but sweet. They thought it was endearing that shy Bella had been so embarrassed by Emmett that she ran off. I would have joined them in their happiness, I'm sure, if it hadn't been for the way the kiss ended. As they each reassessed the last few weeks between Bella and myself in their heads, I reassessed the last few moments. The way she threw my shirt as far from herself as she could, the way she pushed my advance to comfort her away, the way she ran away from me without a word or a glance, the way shame was written across her face as she fled from my family.

If I hadn't been sure before, I was sure now. Bella would not be kissing me again, and that thought, more than anything, broke something inside me in half.

Emmett had now launched into his own, graphic retelling of what had happened, "You should have seen it! Really! His shirt was ripped to pieces on the floor, and hers was with it, but obviously Edward had taken more care getting off hers that she had his, cause that was in one piece." He stopped to laugh, and though Esme was considering telling Emmett to mind his manners and shut his mouth, everyone else was laughing with him, and she was beaming with joy because she thought I'd found someone. They all saw this as long overdue for me. "And they were tangled together like slugs do, y'know, and just as gross, except not hanging upside down–"

"Emmett!" Esme finally intervened, "That's enough!"

"Aw, come on, mom!" Emmett argued, but the look Esme was giving him got him to stop, though Alice could see that he would continue the retelling for our siblings once Carlisle and Esme weren't around to silence him.

Esme looked over to me and smiled, expecting me to be grateful that she shut Emmett up. I would have been, but all I could think about now was Alice's vision of Bella in the forest and how now I'd chased her away, and how now I might never have a chance to really try to win her over. I screwed everything up so thoroughly.

I tried not to show any of these emotions, but of course, Esme saw right through me. Jasper caught on, as he does, and the room was quiet again. They were all looking at me, waiting for something. I wanted to hit something. I wanted something to hit me. I wanted to run.

"It was a mistake," I said, looking down to my feet. I couldn't stand to meet any of their concerned gazes. I could still feel them all staring at me. I could still hear their thoughts of shock and pity. I wanted to stop existing. I wanted them to stop existing. I wanted the world to stop existing. I wanted to run. So I ran.

I was out of the house and across the river before I even considered the decision to flee, but it was too late to turn back then. So I kept running. I didn't even know where I was running to, until I passed her scent. A fresh trail, definitely the one she left behind when she too ran from the house. Whenever I had run from my problems or my family or my life before, I had never had a destination in mind. When I ran away, I never had anywhere to run to. I wished I could go back to that, because now all I wanted was to run to Bella. Not the Bella that I'd kissed and I'd hurt, but the Bella who I'd stared all night at the stars with. I wanted to run to the Bella who listened to the few stories I had of my human family, and who shared her human memories with me, the Bella who sat next to me when I played the piano and hummed along with her perfect voice, the Bella who was happy to just lounge around in my room all day and listen to CDs with me, the Bella who faced everything with thoughtfulness, love, and compassion.

The Bella who could see right through me, the Bella who I didn't need to hide from. I had held her when she was upset and made her feel better before, wasn't it owed to me that she should return the favor?

No, she didn't owe me anything, and the shoulder I offered her to cry on wasn't conditional. But still, I had to see her, if only to just apologize.

I ran faster, following her scent. I wondered how far she had run, and I hoped I would make it to her soon. Just the idea of seeing her was making the pain in my stomach turn to butterflies and back. Would she run from me again? God, I hoped not.

When I found her, I was hit with déjà vu. She was seated in the exact spot where Alice had envisioned her earlier, huddled under a tree, clutching her knees to her chest and sobbing without tears.

I wasn't sure how many times my heart could break in one hour, but seeing Bella cry like that was certainly doing the trick.

She heard me coming, obviously, because before I could even think about how to approach her, she demanded, "What do you want?"

I was still fifteen feet away from her, and I wanted to be closer. But if she wanted me gone… Could I leave?

"I'm sorry." She didn't respond. "Earlier, I didn't mean to–"

She suddenly looked up at me, anger glinting in her eye "You didn't _mean_ to?!" she shouted at me.

I struggled to pull together an explanation. "No, wait, I meant–"

Suddenly her face fell. "You didn't mean to," she whispered. She dropped her head back into her hands and cried again. Her mood had changed so fast and completely that I was once again hit over the head with the reminder that Bella was a newborn, that her mental state and emotions were delicate and raw and exposed.

I couldn't stand to just watch her cry. Without thinking, without considering how such an action would be taken, I flitted to her side and wrapped my arms around her.

"I'm sorry," I breathed into her hair. In response, she threw her arms around my neck.

"Why?" she sobbed into my shoulder. "I just can't figure out why, Edward."

I rubbed my hand in what I hoped were soothing circles on her back. "I didn't want to do this to you now," I said, not answering her question.

She shoved me away, angry again. "What? You wanted to give it a little more time before you tricked your way into my pants?!"

"What?! No!" How could she think that!

Her anger was suddenly hurt. "Is this why you've been being so nice to me? Was this all some sick game to you?"

"Bella, no, of course not." I reached out to grab her arm, but she yanked it away from me. She was standing, then, and she put a few paces between herself and me. I stood too. I wanted to explain before she ran again. "Bella, ple–"

"I trusted you!" she yelled at me. "I trusted you and you took advantage of me!"

She was right. "Let me explain," I begged.

"Please, Edward," she bit back. "Please, explain. Because honestly, I can't make heads or tails of anything now. I thought you liked me," she sobbed.

"I _do_ like you! That's the problem, Bella, I love you," I confessed. She stared at me in confusion and shock, so I continued. "I love you, and you were so close, and I didn't think, and then I was kissing you and I just… I'm sorry. It was wrong of me."

"Edward… I don't know what to say," she admitted sadly. I swallowed hard and nodded. I knew I couldn't expect anything from her. I wasn't expecting anything more than this. But without my permission, some small part of me– the part that thought of how Bella grabbed my hand, how she leaned on me, how she looked at me, how she kissed me back like the world didn't exist outside of us– had hoped that Bella would say she loved me too.

She saw my disappointment, though I tried not to let it show, and she approached me again and put her hand on my shoulder comfortingly. The emotions on her face were now concern and guilt. I didn't want her to feel guilty.

"Edward, I'm sorry." She meant it, I could tell. She wanted to be able to tell me she loved me, but she wouldn't lie.

"No, Bella, don't be. I won't blame you for not feeling the same."

She let out a frustrated breath. "It's not that."

I looked up at her. I could feel that my expression was too eager. I wanted to smother the little spark of hope, but it wouldn't go away. Bella's face held confusion and apprehension; what could that mean for me?

"Edward." I loved it when she started sentences with my name. "I don't know how I feel. All this time, I thought I was finally getting a hold of myself. I thought I could sort through all the feelings and sensations and put them where they belong. When I was around you, I felt safe and comfortable and calm. I liked that, and I hated it when you were gone, because you took that with you. But when you kissed me… it was like having every emotion available assaults me at once. I couldn't pick out which one I was feeling strongest. I couldn't think. It was too much. It wasn't until it was over that I really realized what had happened. But even then all the feelings didn't go away. I was happy and sad and angry and giddy and depressed and overjoyed and overwhelmed, and I couldn't believe that you had managed to do that to me– that you even _could_ have that effect on me. You were what was keeping me anchored and then you were what threw me overboard into the typhoon."

"I'm sorry."

"No, Edward, I'm sorry. I didn't mean to be so mad at you, I was just so upset that everything I thought I was controlling was out again."

"This is why I said 'I didn't want to do this to you now,'" I explained. "I knew something like this would happen. I promised myself I wouldn't do this to you. I'd decided to wait until you were on solid ground before I admitted my feelings for you."

Bella still looked shaken. She couldn't quite meet my eye. I was making her uncomfortable. Perfect. I wanted to say something else to her, but I didn't know what else there was to say. I sighed instead, and ran back home.

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**You didn't think it would be that easy, did you? At least Edward can take solace in that fact that he was totally right about it being too soon...**

**So, this chapter was actually the first thing I ever wrote for this story after I came up with the idea, and then I constructed other things around it. Also, in the word document I'm writing this all in, all the chapters have names, and this one is called, "The Author Giveth and the Author Taketh Away." Sorrynotsorry.**


	40. Chapter 40

**So I finally got around to responding to (at least some of) the lovely reviews you guys have left me! And I intend to keep better tabs on that in the future. I really am very appreciative of those of you who like the story, and I like writing to people :) **

**So in this chapter we get a fun new POV. I hope you guys like it!**

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Rosalie:

Bella hadn't spoken since we all came home yesterday, except a quiet, "no thank you," when Carlisle offered to take her hunting in the evening. Edward hadn't really spoken either, for that matter. Nobody dared to mention anything to him in the car rides to and from school or at lunch, and if anyone was thinking about him and Bella– which I assumed we all were – Edward was determined to ignore us.

The tense atmosphere between the two of them was bleeding over into the rest of the family too. Everyone was so quiet, speaking in whispers when they spoke at all. Edward avoided everyone by locking himself up in his room, and everyone avoided Bella, who either curled up in the armchair in the corner of the living room and tried not to exist, or sat in the backyard far enough away that she probably couldn't even hear how quiet the house had become.

Tuesday was more of the same, and when we got home from school, Edward stopped only for a second to glance remorsefully out the back windows at Bella by the river before exiling himself to his room again.

What a drama queen. I wanted to run after him and tell him to stand up and face his issues like an adult, but I had a feeling nobody in the house would back my play on that one, probably not even Emmett. I rolled my eyes.

"Did you guys go hunting today?" I heard Jasper ask quietly to Esme.

"She insists she isn't thirsty," she responded. Jasper frowned. I could tell he thought the two of them were being drama queens too, but he was always too diplomatic to do anything.

Bella not hunting could be bad for us, though, and even if we avoided any incidents, it was still bad for her. I wished the family would stop pussyfooting around the girl and bending to her every little feeling. Nobody had any issue giving me the hard truth when I was being unreasonable, and I couldn't see why they were holding back with her.

_You know what? This is ridiculous_, I thought. If everyone else wanted to tread on eggshells and be nice and accommodating to the point of fault, let them, but I wasn't going to anymore.

I marched out the back door and flitted across the field to where Bella sat.

"Get up. We're going hunting," I told her.

She looked up at me, shocked and maybe a little frightened.

I rolled my eyes. She obviously didn't want to go anywhere, and I assumed she even less wanted to go anywhere with me, but I wasn't going to back down. I held her gaze, and I knew my eyes must look harsh to her.

Thankfully, she was too frightened or timid or something to argue with me, and she stood up instead. I ran, and I heard her follow.

It took me a bit to find something. I normally would have asked Alice which way to go, but in the spur of the moment, I hadn't thought to. When we finally stumbled upon some deer, I gestured towards them, and Bella awkwardly fumbled away from me, casting an uncertain glance over her shoulder, like I was somehow luring her into a trap.

She caught a doe, and a small one at that, but some blood was better than no blood, and if she didn't want to track down anything else, I was willing to chalk this up as a win and let it slide.

I waited as she drained the deer, and didn't approach her until she had dropped it and was brushing some dirt off her pants.

"You good? Or do you want to keep going?" I asked.

"I'm good," she muttered, confirming my prediction.

"Okay. Back home then," I said, turning to run back towards the house.

"I thought you didn't like me?" Bella said, tilting the statement up at the end so it sounded like a question.

"You not hunting could be dangerous for the family," I justified.

"Right," Bella said with a sigh. "Sorry."

This time I sighed. "Look, Bella, I don't not like you," I admitted. "Maybe when Carlisle first brought you home I did, but even then, I was more just mad at him and indifferent towards you." She nodded, willing to accept that explanation, and I felt bad because it wasn't the whole truth anymore. "I'm worried about you."

Her gaze shot up to meet mine, and I felt a little guilty that such a simple thing was so surprising to her.

"Okay, so you and Edward both are being wildly melodramatic, I hope you understand that, but you're also both in weird places, apparently, and neither of you are dealing with it in a healthy way. It's bad to seclude yourself and stop eating and sulk and brood when you're sad. Pull together and deal with it. If you're mad, yell at him, if you're sad, cry– or, well, get as close to crying as you can considering you don't have working tear ducts anymore. And look, if you feel like you need to talk to someone, Alice and Esme both love touchy-feely personal shit, and they could probably help you deal with stuff. I'd even listen if you really wanted me to, but I've been told I don't give the most pleasant advice."

"This is good advice," Bella countered, somewhat unwillingly.

"I said my advice was unpleasant, not bad," I corrected.

Bella thought about it for a moment. "Why does any of this matter to you."

"Because you're family now, despite my protests," I added with a smirk, hoping she would catch that I was teasing her. She laughed a little under her breath, so I figured she got it. I brought my voice back to serious. "Family looks out for each other, okay?"

She nodded, and smiled when she met my eye again. "What about Carlisle?" she challenged, acting momentarily braver than I'd ever seen her.

"Carlisle broke a promise to me when he turned you, and like I said: when you get mad, yell," I explained. "And as for Edward," I started, assuming she was going to ask about him next, "I thought he was just pulling his, 'I'm the perfect son, watch me kiss dad's ass all day long' routine. Which is super annoying, and you _will_ live to see in harsh clarity one of these days. That boy can be such a suck up. But I suppose I forgive him in retrospect, considering I was admittedly wrong about his motives."

Bella squirmed uncomfortably, probably in response to hearing me talk about Edward.

"He said he loves me," she admitted, her voice barely a breath. I wasn't sure what I was supposed to get from that.

"And?" I asked, hoping there was more to explain why she looked so guilty and sad.

"What if I don't love him back?" She asked hopelessly.

Oh for Christ's sake, drama queen was an understatement.

"Bella, you love him or you don't. Either way, the two of you are going to have to learn how to deal with each other, because we're probably going to be together for years and years and years and you can't hide in a corner for all eternity."

"But I don't _know_ if I love him," she argued, looking scared.

"Good point," I said sarcastically. "You know the best way to figure it out? You should curl up into a ball and never speak to anyone again until you're sure. Also, fretting over it silently to yourself for hours and hours will do you worlds of good."

She sighed, which was the closest I thought I was going to get to her admitting I was right.

I rolled my eyes at her. "Let's head back," I suggested. At the almost panicked look it her eyes, it was all I could do not to roll my eyes again. "You don't have to talk to him _right now_," I assured her, "but if you run off and hide in silence again, I'm going to find something hard and hit you over the head with it."

She laughed. "Okay," she agreed sheepishly. "And… thanks, Rose."

"Yeah yeah, don't worry about it."

* * *

**I love the hypocrisy of Rose calling anyone else a drama queen, but she's not entirely wrong. Those two need to learn to deal with their feelings.**

**I'm also personally enjoying finally getting to the part of the story where Bella is a little more willing to challenge people and say things she's thinking. A few chapters ago, she wouldn't have dared ask Rosalie why she was being rude to Carlisle. (And, spoiler alert, in upcoming chapters, she's even _funny_ with the siblings!)  
**


	41. Chapter 41

**Short Chapter, but I had a midterm today and I was up a lot of last night and early this morning studying, so this is it for today.  
**

* * *

Edward:

I had been doing everything I could to tune out my family's thoughts since the weekend, but the quiet in the house only made it easier to hear their minds. I tried to drown them out with the expensive headset I kept lying around, but even then, I could still make out the tense pity and disappointment. I tried to listen to Jasper sometimes, when he decided to check up on Bella, but the confused and lost emotions he got from her just deepened my guilt.

I felt like a coward, hiding in my room, but as long as Bella was determined not to see me, I was determined not to put myself in her path.

How could I have been so stupid? If I had to spend the rest of eternity atoning for this, it would only be fair. I just hoped that one day Bella and I could get past it. That one day I might have another chance to win her heart.

I had been tuning out everyone's thoughts effectively enough that I hadn't noticed Bella and Rosalie were gone until I caught Emmett thinking, _I hope Bella's okay with Rose. Nah, they'll be fine._

Suddenly worried, I took off my headphones and tuned in to everyone's thoughts, hoping to piece together what I'd missed. Alice was the most helpful, as she often is. She was looking into the future, more out of curiosity than worry. She saw Rose and Bella finding some deer, but the future was far off enough that everything was blurry after that. Sometimes Rosalie and Bella were silent except for a few words, sometimes Rose delivered a lecture explaining why Bella should get over herself already. I bit back a growl. Rosalie should keep her nose in her own business.

"Will they be okay?" Esme asked Alice. She wanted to believe that Rose was acting altruistically in taking Bella hunting, and that it wouldn't lead to more problems, but she also worried that Bella was fragile and shy, and sharp words from Rose might only inspire her to regress into herself further.

"Looks like it," Alice answered. "She's not going to abandon her in the woods, at least."

Emmett laughed, but Esme still looked worried. "Oh come on, Mom. Rose isn't going to do anything bad," he assured her.

I wasn't assured, and it seemed Esme wasn't either.

"It's not that I think she's going to do something _bad_," she hedged, "I'm just worried that Rosalie might be a little… harsher than the girl is used to."

Emmett shrugged. "Well, maybe harsh can be good sometimes."

I was mad. If Rose was going to be a bitch and write it off as being a little harsh, I was going to kill her.

Suddenly, Jasper's voice rang in my head, _Edward, I can feel you seething from here_. He was right, I was seething. I flitted downstairs and into the living room to tell Emmett exactly how I felt about Rosalie's methods of dealing with issues, but before I could open my mouth, the hazy future Alice was watching became somewhat more solid. 'It'll get better,' Rose was sometimes saying. She might even put her hand on Bella's shoulder when she said it.

I froze, blinking in surprise.

"It might not happen exactly like that," Alice said, "but all the options have the same gist to them."

"What'd you see?" Emmett asked. Under his confidence, his thoughts betrayed a tiny twinge of fear that Rose wouldn't necessarily be making the smartest choices.

"Rose being nice to her sister," Alice answered with a grin.

"Told you so!" Emmett said with a sweeping hand gesture to Esme. She rolled her eyes at his antics, but smiled, pleased to hear that everything between the two girls would be okay.

I sighed, letting out the anger I'd had pent up a minute ago.

"I'm going for a run," I announced. I bolted out the front door and in the opposite direction the girls had gone before anyone could say anything. The last thing I heard from the house was Esme's returned worry, this time for me instead of Bella.

* * *

**Sorry again that it's short. If it makes anyone feel better, tomorrow gets to be a sibling love chapter (which are my favorite!)**


	42. Chapter 42

Alice:

I watched Bella's and Edward's futures as he ran away from the house and she eventually started running back with Rose. Though it was hard to tell exactly how a conversation or event had actually passed with my gift, I kept close enough of an eye on Bella and Rose to know that Rose had ended up giving Bella some solid advice, and I could now see that Bella was going to follow it. Rose told her not to seclude herself, and from what I could tell of Bella's plans for the future, she was going to make an effort to connect with the family. I didn't see her reaching out to Edward at all, but that might have been because he would still be gone by the time she got home. I still couldn't see when Edward would be back. In some futures, he barely got a few miles before coming back. In others, he practically made it to Oregon.

I tried to see what Bella's plans were, but she obviously hadn't made up her mind, because so many options flitted through my visions I almost couldn't catch them. Trying to focus too hard on such an unsteady future would just end of giving me a headache, so I decided to let it go until they got closer.

In the meantime, I saw Edward's plans change. He was no longer sprinting south at full tilt, but instead was turning to go in the direction of the hospital. I saw him seeking out Carlisle there for advice, and because Carlisle was having a slow day, Edward would find the counsel he was looking for.

Good. Edward _should_ talk to Carlisle. He should do anything instead of hiding in his bedroom all day, and Carlisle was probably the best person to convince him of that.

My vision switched, alerting me to Rose and Bella's imminent return. Bella was going to ask me if I wanted to watch a movie with her. Not the most exciting activity, I'll admit, but it was better than nothing!

I opened the back door for them just as they were jumping over the river. They were both in front of me within the second, and I preempted Bella's question with my answer, "I'd love to watch a movie! Which one do you want to see?"

Bella looked startled for a second, then smiled. "I don't know," she admitted. "Do you guys have any DVDs?"

"Not DVDs, no, but we can see what's on demand," I suggested.

Bella got situated on the sofa, and I turned on the TV and switched to the on demand channel. I handed her the remote, and she accepted it like it was made of glass.

"Don't worry, we have a spare in the basement somewhere," I assured her.

She smiled her thanks, and started flipping through the movies, pressing the remote's buttons as gingerly as possible.

I picked up my laptop from where Jasper and I had been sitting earlier, and ran it upstairs to my room to put it away.

Jasper had quietly retired to his office, partially to allow us undisrupted use of the living room, and partially because Bella's emotions had been tough on him recently, and he preferred to be removed from them.

When I got back, Bella was waiting expectantly for me.

"I picked one," she announced.

I glanced at what was lined up on the TV. "The Devil Wears Prada?" I asked.

She smiled. It was a small, timid smile, but I felt like she was teasing me. "I thought you might like it."

I laughed. "If you think dropping hints about disliking fashion is going to get you out of years me gifting clothes to you, you are sadly mistaken!"

She laughed. "I had to try, though," she argued, then pressed play. I joined her on the sofa, not quite next to her, but not all the way on the other side either. She had been comfortable enough around me after the big hunting trip we'd all gone on together a few weeks ago, but I still wasn't sure where the edges of her personal space were, and right now didn't seem like the best time to be testing boundaries.

The movie started, and barely ten seconds into the opening sequence, Emmett appeared at the back of the couch.

"What're we watching?" He whispered conspicuously, leaning forward so his head was between Bella's and mine.

"Devil Wears Prada," I answered.

"Oooh! I love that movie!" he said, and without any signs of warning, jumping over the back of the sofa and landing between Bella and me in a space that wasn't quite big enough for him. Squished on the couch as we were, Emmett felt it was appropriate to wrap his arms around either of our shoulders and pull us closer. _So much for not getting in Bella's personal space,_ I thought.

"Movie night with two of my three favorites sisters!" Emmett exclaimed, squeezing Bella and me for emphasis.

Rose came in the room and sat down on one of the other couches. "Don't call me your sister, that's weird," she scolded.

"What? No, Baby, I wasn't talking about you," Emmett said. I saw his explanation in the future a half a second before he said it, winking at Bella in the process. "My third sister is Edward."

He laughed loudly over the sound of the movie, and Rose joined him but quieter. I opened my mouth to scold him, mostly just for bringing Edward into the conversation when Bella had _literally just_ started acting sociable, but before I could say anything, a quick, quiet chuckle fell out of Bella's mouth. She immediately slapped her hands over her mouth and looked away, but we all heard it.

"That's my girl," Rose said with a smirk, and when Bella glanced over at her, they shared a friendly smile.

_Would you look at that_, I thought, _Rose warming up to the newborn_.

Jasper was the next to show up. Probably sensing the happy atmosphere we were whipping up drew him downstairs, because I knew he didn't particularly like this movie.

"Mind if I join you ladies?" He drawled, his southern accent just barely showing itself.

"Ladies _and gentleman_," Emmett corrected, raising one finger into the air to better gain attention.

Jasper laughed. "If we're classifying Edward as a sister, I'm afraid you have to go too."

"What?! I'm a hundred times manlier than Edward!" Emmett argued, twisting around in his seat to face Jazz.

"Really?" Jasper challenged, "Because of the two of you, I've only ever seen one putting on red lipstick."

"That was Halloween!" Emmett yelled in protest, then he turned to face Bella and said again, "That was Halloween," in a quieter, serious voice.

Bella nodded quickly, accepting Emmett's insistence, but her lips were pulled together like she was trying to stop herself from laughing.

Emmett sighed, and turned back to Jazz. "Okay then, fine! Then this is a girls' night in and you aren't invited until you admit you sometimes put on hoop skirts back during the civil war."

Jazz rolled his eyes. He placed a quick kiss on top of my head, then sat himself in one of the arm chairs. "I did no such thing, and I'm joining girls' night in anyway."

Emmett turned to Bella and whispered, "He thinks it can't be proven, because they didn't have photography back then–"

"Yes we did," Jasper interrupted.

"But no man with hips that narrow hasn't put on a hoop skirt. I know these things," Emmett insisted.

Bella laughed, and to everyone's surprise countered, "I think you just want us all to stop thinking about you wearing lipstick."

Emmett opened and closed his mouth a few times, failing to come up with a comeback, then finally gave up and laughed, sitting straight in his seat again and leaning his head back.

"Well damn, you see right through me," he admitted. "But you'd better not be another mind reader! That'd be cheating."

"You think everything's cheating if you don't come out on top, Babe," Rose teased.

Emmett overacted a wink and wiggled his eyebrows. "I'll show you coming out on top."

"Okay!" I said before that subject could go any further. "Movie time, remember? How about we watch the movie, huh?"

"Killjoy," Emmett mocked, shooting me a smile, but thankfully he settled into the sofa, and everyone turned their focus back to the TV.

* * *

**So does anyone else remember when Netflix wasn't a thing and people watched movies on demand? No? Just me? Ah well.**

**I decided to re-watch the very beginning of The Devil Wears Prada because I couldn't remember how it started and since it was playing in the background of this chapter I usually feel like I should know about the thins in the background in case something note-worthy happens or whatever. Well, that's the story about how I took a 2hr long break from writing to watch The Devil Wears Prada again...**


	43. Chapter 43

Edward:

I ended up running to the hospital. I hadn't been sure where I was going when I left the house, but I realized after a little while that what I needed more than anything right now was advice from my father.

I made sure nobody was paying attention as I ran into the parking lot. Entering the building from here, people would assume I drove.

I checked in at the front desk, and Mary, the receptionist, waved me past without a visitors pass. Everyone in Forks knew the Cullens, especially everyone in the hospital, and it would be redundant for me to get a tag with my name on it.

I went straight to my father's office. I could tell he wasn't there, so I let myself in and waited on one of the comfy chairs on the visitor's side of his desk.

I focused on listening to the minds around me to find my father. He was just sending off a young boy after removing this cast. The kid was ecstatic to be out of it, and his mother was thanking Carlisle for everything he'd done.

The two of them left, and Carlisle started back towards his office. I heard the brief surprise in his mind when he crossed my scent in the hallway. He was prepared to follow my trail if it led away from his office, but of course, he didn't need to.

"This is a pleasant surprise," he said as he entered his office.

I laughed darkly. I could hardly imagine considering anything I'd said or done in the last couple days as pleasant.

Carlisle's politeness aside, his mind was worried about what had brought me here. My temperament had been scaring him and Esme, and he wasn't sure what to expect from this visit.

"Just advice," I told him. His mind relaxed like he had signed in relief.

_That's good to hear_, he thought. _What can I help you with?_

I raised one eyebrow in question. Could he really not guess?

He laughed, _Okay, so Bella then? You're not sure what you should be doing?_

"I don't know where to go from here," I agreed. "I just feel like I messed everything up so thoroughly, and I don't know how to even start fixing it."

Carlisle sat down in his chair behind his desk, and folded his fingers in front of him. I wondered if he was purposefully assuming a 'trust me, I'm a doctor' pose, or if after all these years it was just habit. His thoughts betrayed no intent.

"I think maybe the best thing you could do is try to go back to the friendship you had before. Cutting each other out isn't going to help you two get past this."

I sighed. "How am I supposed to do that if she won't talk to me?" I asked.

Carlisle raised an eyebrow at me. _Really, Edward? _You_ won't talk to _her. _You hardly have a leg to stand on_.

I didn't want to admit it, but he was right.

"I don't know what to say to her. I don't know how to apologize," I admitted.

_Then don't apologize,_ Carlisle suggested. _Whatever exactly happened between you two over the weekend, it obviously didn't go so well._ I flinched. That was an understatement._ But Bella already knows that, and I'm sure you've already said you're sorry, and sometimes picking at things just makes them worse. Especially when mistakes are made, sometimes you have to just let them be in the past. Bringing it up all the time could just make it harder for her to come to terms with it._

"So you want me to just pretend it never happened?" I asked, more than a little appalled at the idea.

"No Edward," Carlisle answered aloud, "I want you to acknowledge that it's not the only thing that's happened. You two were friends, you obviously had things in common, and you obviously enjoyed each other's company. One misstep doesn't have to cancel out everything."

I turned the idea over in my head. I knew I had never been good at letting things go, but maybe Carlisle was right.

Regardless, there were still so many problems. "What if she doesn't want me to talk to her, though? What if she doesn't want anything to do with me? And even if she does, how am I supposed to hide how I feel about her? I spent the whole weekend trying to pretend I didn't love her, and I was about to drive myself crazy from pushing it down like that!"

_Whoa there,_ Carlisle thought, interrupting my rant. _You're overthinking this, Edward. All you can do now is extend the olive branch and hope she'll come around_. "And as for pretending you don't love her– don't." _You can be open without being pushy. You can try not to make her uncomfortable or pressured without denying how you feel. And in the end, you're going to have to come to terms with the fact that she'll either love you back or she won't_.

I knew it was true, but I desperately didn't want to think of the idea that Bella might never love me how I loved her.

I nodded mutely, unable to respond any better. Carlisle stood up and came to put his hand on my shoulder.

_If it makes you feel better, she already seems pretty pre-disposed to liking you_, he thought, though even in his mind he knew that didn't necessarily count for much in the long run. He didn't know any more than I did what Bella's feelings for me would end up being. I'd ask Alice, but I doubted the future would be anything but foggy and uncertain.

I sighed. Carlisle was right about one thing, though, if nothing else. She was never going to have the chance to fall in love with me if I never spoke to her ever again.

I stood up to leave, and standing next to Carlisle, I did something neither of us saw coming. I briefly threw my arms around him in a hug. "Thanks, dad."

"Of course," he responded, squeezing me and letting me go.

I trudged out of the hospital uneasily. I wanted to run, but I had to make it back to the parking lot before I could. When I was finally free of any human's attention, I sprinted back towards the house. The sky was dark. It was too cloudy to see where the sun was, but I would bet it was just barely above the horizon. The woods I ran through were even darker, and though I could see just fine, the gloom of night was not what my mood needed right now.

I found myself longing for the sun. I found myself picturing Bella splayed out in the sunlight, the sun reflecting off her skin, the red glints in her hair.

Unbidden, I was haunted again by the image of her in the river. That perfect, beautiful moment. If nothing else, I would at least be able to carry that memory with me forever.

I made it to the house, and to my surprise, found all of my siblings and Bella gathered in the living room. I approached them and recognized the movie they were watching. It seemed pretty safe to assume that Alice has roped together this little party.

Emmett turned around to glance at me. "Girls' night in," he explained, though that hardly explained anything. "Come join us."

I raised an eyebrow at him, but he was already settling back into his space between Bella and Alice. His arms were lazily draped over them, and for a second I felt a twinge of jealousy– not out of worry that Emmett was trying to somehow take Bella, but just from the realization that such a gesture from me would probably be entirely unwelcome.

I sat in a free spot next to Rosalie on the other sofa, and she glanced at me. Her mind betrayed that she was surprised to see me joining them instead of shutting myself in my room like a pouting four-year-old. I frowned at her comment, and she shrugged.

_I dare you to try to deny it_, she thought defiantly. But the tone of her mind was more playful than actually catty, so I let it go.

I also had to acknowledge to myself that I couldn't deny it entirely.

Rose smirked, as if she had read my mind this time, but she had really just taken her victory in my silence.

_It's nice that both of you have decided to stop throwing yourself pity-parties_, she commented. I wanted to snark back at her, but I caught the way she'd said, 'both of you,' and I wondered what she meant.

She looked up at me, her expression screaming justified arrogance, and I was surprised that her thoughts were anything but 'I TOLD YOU SO,' which would have matched her expression perfectly.

Instead, she thought, somewhat smugly, _Girls' night in was Bella's idea. Though, I admit, Emmett named it_.

Bella's idea. I turned the words over in my head, because they didn't make sense at first. So much for assuming this was Alice's doing.

I looked over at Bella, and she must have felt my gaze, because she glanced sideways at me. Our eyes held for less than a second, before she determinedly set her gaze back on the TV.

Did this mean Bella wanted things to go back to normal? That she wanted to put everything behind us? Maybe I was reading too much into it, but I felt like I was getting the message: Let's just relax.

* * *

**So, the original outline for this time in the story had a lot more angsty brood-and-ignore-each-other time scheduled, but then I was writing it and I was like, 'UuuuUUuhUUFHugUhUHhh,' because even I thought it was just SO OBNOXIOUS than neither of them would chill the f*** out, and that nobody in the family was hitting them in the back of the head and screaming, "GET OVER YOURSELF!" so instead, we all got that Rose chapter, the movie chapter, this one, and a few more to follow in which a lot of angst is skipped and the story actually moves forward instead!  
**


	44. Chapter 44

**Short but cutesy chapter for you all today!**

* * *

Bella:

I had been hoping Edward would relax if I did, and I was happy to see that it seemed to be working. After the movie was over last night, we all stayed in the living room all night. Emmett and Jasper broke out an elaborate chess game they'd been playing over the course of months, and the rest of us hung around to watch and just spend time together.

Emmett and Jasper taunted each other endlessly, especially when they were most focused on the game. Rosalie spent most of the night sitting on Emmett's lap whispering move suggestions to him, but when Alice tried to stand behind Jasper and say something to him, Emmett protested loudly that her psychic genie powers were cheating, and that she shouldn't be allowed to help.

"What, so you get Rose on your team, but I can't have Alice?" Jasper challenged.

"Exactly!" Emmett yelled. "It's cheating enough that you can tell when I'm excited and going to attack! You can't have _another_ cheater on your team!" He turned and pointed severely at Edward, "That means you, too, Mr. Telepath"

"Fine, but if I don't get a teammate, neither do you," Jasper said, crossing his arms and smirking. He must have known that Emmett wouldn't give up Rose.

"I never said you couldn't have a teammate!" Emmett countered. "Bella! Be on Jasper's team! What advice do you have for his next move?"

The whole room turned to me expectantly. I stiffened under their scrutiny.

"Don't lose," I suggested to Jasper pitifully.

After a beat of silence, Emmett nearly fell out of his chair he was laughing so hard. Everyone else joined him, though with less fervor, and I noticed even Edward was chucking quietly from where he sat. Part of me wanted to look over at him, but the larger part was still too scared to open up the channels of contact again.

"Solid advice, Bella," Jasper teased. "I'll make sure to keep that in mind."

I laughed, a little embarrassed but mostly glad to feel included.

A little while into the night, Carlisle's car came up the drive, and Esme went to meet him at the door.

"What's going on here?" he muttered to her after kissing her hello.

I turned around just in time to see Esme smile widely and say, "They're getting along."

She saw me glancing at them, but before I could turn around and pretend I hadn't been, her smile settled into something so warm and loving, I didn't want to look away.

After learning that I could never see my own mother again, I thought nobody else would ever look at me like that. I felt choked up for a second, but I managed to smile back at her too before I returned my attention to my siblings.

My siblings. My family. My Edward– whatever that meant. I knew already he had a category of it's own in my heart, I just wasn't sure what that category was. But Rose was right, I was never going to find out if I couldn't stop overthinking and just let things happen as they would.

I glanced at Edward, and he immediately knew to look up at me. For a moment, the eye contact was all there was. It took me a second to realize that he was waiting for me to do something. There was a tiny spark of hope in the set of his brow, but he was holding it back, probably expecting me to look away at any second.

Well, I wasn't going to let that happen. I decided to force myself to smile, only to find that it didn't feel forced at all. His face lit up in return, though he still looked guarded.

Maybe if I just smiled at him more often, he eventually wouldn't look so afraid to smile back.

* * *

**Okay, so I'll apologize in advance for this, but I'm thinking this upcoming week is going to be sort of hit-or-miss on chapter updates because I'm going on vacation! Yay! I get to spend a week abroad with one of my best friends who I haven't seen in a while, and I'm so excited! But I'll be back the week after, worry not!**


	45. Chapter 45

**Wow, I thought I'd posted this chapter before I left this morning, but I just saw that I never did! Sorry! (Though I guess it's still early evening for most of you in America, isn't it?)**

**Well anyway, more cutesy fluff. There's going to be some actual plot soon besides 'everyone hung out in the house and did nothing,' but not yet ;)**

* * *

Edward:

As hard as I tried not to worry, there was a knot in my stomach that I couldn't entirely dispel. Unsurprisingly though, every time Bella glanced at me, every time she smiled, I felt just a little bit better.

Though I knew Carlisle's advice had been sound, there was still a part of me that worried that nothing between Bella and myself would ever be okay. It still felt like ice in my heart to think that she might not ever love me like I loved her, but this evening with her and our siblings was warming that feeling away, at least somewhat.

Eventually, the night turned to day again, and soon everyone was putting away their things and pulling together their bags for another Wednesday of high school and work.

A part of me wanted to stay home. Esme could tell the school I was sick, or even dead for all I cared. But another part of me realized that Bella probably would want and need some time to herself, and I wasn't sure how our dynamic would change when it was just the two of us again.

So I went to school, and tried to think happy thoughts. The car ride was much lighter than it had been in a while. Even before the last two days of conspicuous silence and forced thoughts of anything but me, my bad mood had been creeping into the time I spent with my family.

Today, my siblings laughed and talked, and I joined them as much as I could. Emmett was in shotgun, and he was sitting sideways in his seat to be able to see me and everyone in the back at the same time.

I slid the car easily into a tight parking spot, and everyone got out. As we parted ways to go to different parts of the school, Jasper kissed Alice's hand gingerly, always discreet of PDAs, and Emmett kissed Rose's lips sloppily, always as indiscreet as possible.

Like I had felt a week ago– a week ago to the day, in fact – There was a little pang of envy for the bond my siblings each had.

Jasper, sensing what I was feeling, didn't question it this time, and instead silently said, _I'm sure it will all work out in the end_.

Thankfully, he sauntered off with Emmett before I was obligated to say 'Thank you,' or more accurately, 'You don't know that.'

Alice split off too, and Rose and I walked towards the back building.

"We're all glad to see you've decided to stop acting like a child," Rose taunted. I opened my mouth to tell her to suck it, but like last night, he thoughts actually were glad and loving.

So instead, I countered, "You know, you don't have to hide your concern behind insults." I smirked, waiting for her to deny it.

Her thoughts fumbled through excuses and comebacks for a second before she let them go.

"Okay, fine," she ceded, "I'm glad to see that you're feeling better, and that the whole Bella situation is getting improving." She admitted it like she was confessing to a crime, but I was willing to take it.

"Thank you, Rose," I said, trying to get her to feel the sincerity of it. "And I'm glad you're feeling better too. I don't think the family can stand having both of us throwing tantrums at the same time again."

She rolled her eyes, but in her mind, she was agreeing with me.

"So long as Carlisle doesn't decide to turn any other young women he finds lying around, I think we'll be good," she said, still unwilling to admit that she had been overreacting then.

I pretended to be affronted. "But Rose," I gasped, "If Carlisle stops turning pretty girls, how am I ever going to find love?"

"Ugh, don't remind me," she said, faking a gag at the reminder that we had once been vaguely expected to fall in love with each other.

_Is that why Carlisle did it?_ Rose thought without intending to. She prepared to take it back, but once the question was out there, she found she wanted to know the answer.

"I don't think so," I said. "He wasn't really quite sure why he did it. He spent a lot of time afterwards reflecting on it, trying to find the reason."

Rose nodded. She reminded herself that she had already forgiven Carlisle, and that she wasn't going to get mad at him again just because the subject had come up.

"I can tell you this, though," I said. "If he was doing it for me, whether he knew it or not, I'm glad he did. I can't even imagine where I'd be right now– I don't want to imagine it." Even with all the insanity that had come into my quiet and simple life, even with all the heartache I was experiencing, I wouldn't trade it away. Not for a second.

_I know where you'd be_, Rose thought, imagining me frowning deeply, crossing my arms, and saying petulantly, 'school sucks. I'm going to go run for hours at a time to nowhere and then lock myself in my room to brood about how pointless life is.'

I laughed. "So about the same then?" I joked.

Rose laughed with me. "Just about."

With a wave, we split ways to go to our classes, but I could feel Rose's lingering fondness for a few more steps.

It was nice to have siblings.

* * *

**Look at them. Rose being open about her feelings and Edward being good-humored enough to laugh at himself. Words I never thought I'd say, haha.**

**So like I said, I'm on vacation as of today, so sorry in advance if chapters come more like every other day and if I don't respond to reviews very quickly (or at all...)**


	46. Chapter 46

**Blanket thank you to everyone who has reviewed! Sorry I don't have the time to respond to people properly!**

**Okay, so this is also another cute fluffy chapter, but I'm just really liking writing cite fluff chapters and they help space out the story or something so sorrynotsorry  
**

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Bella:

The day at home with Esme was pleasant. Carlisle was at work and everyone else was at school. I had spent so much time hiding from Esme on the days I had been home alone with her, that I hardly knew how to approach her now. But I had decided to start treating my family like my family, and if Esme was going to be my mom for the rest of my, well, forever, then I was going to have to put in some effort to be a daughter.

I found her, strangely enough, in the kitchen going through canned goods. Hearing me enter the room, she stopped and turned to face me. I was worried for a second that I was interrupting her, and considered abandoning the plan, but her smile was so welcoming I found it impossible to feel intrusive.

"Hello dear, Can I do something for you? Are you looking to go hunting?" she asked.

"Um, no, I was just wondering what you were doing," I said.

She smiled impossibly wider and invited me over. She pulled down a few more cans from shelves, and handed me one.

"We buy a lot of food to keep up the appearance of a human family," she explained. "I try to buy non-perishables when I can, that way, after a little while of keeping them on the shelves as props in case someone comes over, I can donate them to one of the food banks in the area." She put the cans she was holding into one of the grocery bags she had on the floor. "I try to go to different food banks as much as possible, mostly because it would seem strange if I donated this much food to the same place too often, and we don't want to raise any suspicions."

It had never occurred to me that being seen buying food would be an issue they had. In fact, I had only ever known the family to play human once, and even then, I was out of the house before the charade started.

"I didn't realize you guys had to do all this stuff," I confessed.

Esme smiled. "Yes, well there are quite a few things we have that we don't need. We pay for heating and turn it on in the cold months to make it look like we need it, and Alice gets too excited buying everyone pajamas all the time for us to have in case anyone ever pops in on us at night," she explained with an endearing smile for her daughter.

"Is there anything I can do to help?" I asked.

Esme beamed at me. "Yes, of course, darling!" she enthused. "Right now, the plan is to go through everything in the kitchen, throw out the perishable things past their expiration date, and pack up about half of the non-perishables. I try to sort out the non-perishables so that the ones with the earlier expiration dates go out first, but that's just me nitpicking. Most of these things won't go bad for a long time yet, so it doesn't even really matter what goes out first," she mused.

"I can go through the fridge," I offered.

"That would be wonderful," Esme agreed. I pulled open the fridge door and systematically started checking everything. It felt weird to hold in my hands so many foods I knew I had loved and not want them. Everything smelled how I remembered it, but it was like the scents were stale or faded or bleached out or something. It was easy to say they didn't smell like food; they weren't food for me anymore. I pulled out the things that were past their date, and removed some of the vegetables that looked wilted and sad too, and put them on the kitchen island behind me. When I closed the fridge door, Esme fished out a garbage bag from under the sink and handed it to me. I shook it out as Esme put aside another full shopping bag of donation food.

I paused watching her. I wasn't sure what it was about the situation that caused it, but I felt a sort of envy for Esme. I thought it might be because she had such a firm grasp on this life I lacked. She held together the house and the family, and she knew exactly what needed to be done to keep the appearance of humanity up. But more than that, she was so human herself. I could imagine seeing the rest of the family and thinking they were different. I imagined I would have noticed they weren't quite like everyone else if I had ever gotten to go to their school as a human. But not Esme– the light and the warmth that radiated off of her was so intense, so wonderful, I doubted anyone could look at her and see that monster which lurked in all of us. If anyone pegged her as inhuman, it would only be to categorize her as some sort of fairy or angel.

But me, I felt like I was an animal. I had to be handled and trained before I could let the humans interact with me. I had to be taken out on my leash to eat. I had to be broken of my baser instincts. I wondered if there would ever be a day I would posses the calm grace Esme did, or if I would always feel this wild and at war with myself. I wondered if Esme had even felt this far gone.

Esme glanced over at me, probably curious as to why I had paused, and asked, "Bella, is everything alright?"

I had so many answers to that, and so many questions I wanted to ask her, but only one thing managed to tumble through my lips. "When did you know you loved Carlisle?"

"Oh," Esme said, taken aback by my question. I felt intrusive asking her, but I didn't want to take the question back now that I'd asked it. I'd heard the song Edward wrote about Carlisle and Esme falling in love. It sounded so simple and sweet and natural. Was that what their love was really like? That wasn't what it felt like when I was around Edward.

Esme composed herself. "Well, that's a bit of a difficult thing to explain," Esme said.

I cocked my head, intrigued and surprised to hear that it was complicated. I imagined everything between Carlisle and Esme would have been as simple and clean as they were with each other now.

"Well, I had a difficult human life," she started, a little hesitantly, like she wasn't sure how to explain.

"Edward told me," I said. He had, during our little game of twenty questions that felt like months ago and was in fact not even a week in the past. "He told me you were in a loveless marriage, and you… lost your son," I finished quietly, apologetically.

Esme smiled indulgently. "Oh Edward. He certainly knows how to censor things." She sighed and shook her head. "No, I'm afraid that's not quite the whole story," she started.

Putting down the things we were working on, Esme began to tell me the things Edward hadn't– that her husband was abusive but her family advised her to pretend he wasn't, that she hid her bruises and smiled for their houseguests, that she loved her baby boy so much even before he was born and ran away from two homes and everyone she'd ever known to have to opportunity to raise him safe, that her son died two days without living two full days, and that she decided to follow him soon after.

"Carlisle saved me that day," she said, "and he saved me again in the time afterwards. That first day, when he stopped me from dying, I was still that broken girl who had lost everything, I was still tortured. But later, when I came to see him, _really_ see him, and I realized the love he felt for me and I felt for him, that was when he saved me. That was when I was reborn."

"So you didn't know, at first?" I asked. I knew I sounded too interested in her answer, and wished I could have reigned in my voice. But the look she cast me let me know the game was up. She knew what I was asking and why I was asking it.

"I'm not sure," she admitted. "Sometimes, looking back, I think I loved him from the moment I woke up. But they say hindsight is 20/20, and besides, I was in a very different situation." She paused, and I waited. "I didn't think love existed, then. I didn't think it was real. If I had been in love that first day, or even through the whole first year, I never would have recognized it," she admitted.

I sighed, unsure whether I should feel hopeful or disheartened by her story. It reflected the position I was in, but was at the same time so different.

"I take it you aren't just casually interested," Esme suggested.

"You're right," I said. "I just don't know what to think about… Edward." My head dropped forward to hang limply at the confession. "I know I like him, but I don't know if I love him," I mumbled.

Esme stepped over to where I stood and gently grabbed my shoulder. I looked up at her, and she was smiling kindly at me. Esme had the best warm, kind smile.

"Bella, if you're anything like me, then one day, you'll just know. These things can't be rushed. Whether you love him or not, you just have to wait, and listen to your heart as much as you can."

I smiled back at her, grateful for her advice, and leaned forward to wrap my arms around her waist.

Esme wrapped her arms around me too. "What I can promise you is, everything will be just fine. You'll see," she said, and the conviction in her voice was difficult to disagree with.

"Thanks… Mom," I said, testing the word. It didn't feel entirely right, and thoughts of Renée rushed to my mind, but it didn't feel entirely wrong either.

Esme seemed to sense my struggle at the word, and pulled away to smile graciously at me. Then she placed a sweet little kiss on my forehead and said, "Of course, Honey."

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**Next chapter will actually involve Edward and Bella together in the same room at the same time, I promise!**


	47. Chapter 47

**Hi everyone! Again sorry for not responding to reviews, but I'm busy doing touristy things like touring castles and stuff!**

**'In the same room at the same time' promise kept! **

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Bella:

After helping Esme in the kitchen, I went outside to lie in the grass and think and try to calm myself. I felt anxious and twitchy, and I attributed it to the fact that I was planning to say something to Edward when he got home from school, and I wasn't sure what it was going to be. Maybe I could just ask him to take me hunting– oh my God, hunting. I groaned and slapped my hands over my face at my stupidity. I wasn't feeling anxious and twitchy because of _Edward_– okay, well at least not entirely because of Edward– I was thirsty. As I thought about it, the thirst burned in the back of my throat. Yesterday I had gone hunting with Rose, so the ache wasn't too bad, but I drank so little then, and I'd gone a few days before it without hunting too.

_Okay,_ I thought, _This isn't so bad. This works with my plan of asking Edward to take me hunting_. It wasn't long before they all got home anyway, and I could stand to wait a little longer.

Instead, I went back to fretting over all the things I could say to him after not speaking directly to him for the last few days. I considered apologizing, I considered making him apologize, I considered trying to explain my feelings to him, I considered trying to steer the topic as far away from my feelings as possible, and I admit, for one crazy half-second, I considered kissing him again just to see what he'd do.

Okay, my brain was running away with me. I tried to think of other things until they all came home, and I succeeded in a sense. I spent some time mulling over some of my favorite human memories, trying to burn them into my vampire brain so I would never forget them.

When I heard the car coming up the driveway, I decided to at least try to play it cool and not run up to meet him. They got to the house, everyone went inside and dispersed to their own activities. I heard Edward run upstairs and drop his bag in his room like he always did. Jasper and Alice ran off together after briefly telling Esme they were going for a quick hunt of their own. I wondered if that would mess up my plan to ask Edward. _Surely, he can hunt down a deer or two without Alice's guidance_, I reasoned against myself, _and I can't imagine it would be a problem if we ran into each other._

I took a deep breath and prepared myself to go ask Edward to take me out, but just as I began to sit up, I heard him settle at the piano. I froze as he began to play the song he'd written this weekend. _My song_, the traitor part of my brain insisted. _Not my song_, I chided back at it, thankful Edward couldn't read my mind and know I was a crazy person arguing with herself. The melody was so sweet as I entered the house, and Edward played it studiously without looking up at me.

Part of me really wondered if I had inspired this song. It sounded like love, and he said he loved me. If this was what he felt, though– this pure, sweet, warm longing that spilled form his fingertips– was it something I could match with my confusion and vague inclination?

Before I was ready for it, the song drifted to an end. The last note hung in the air for a second, and Edward sat at the piano bench unmoving, like he was listening for the last trace of it to leave before he stood.

I wouldn't give him that chance. He was just barely bracing himself to stand when I flitted next to him. He stilled in surprise as I slid onto the piano bench beside him.

"Play it again?" I requested.

He stared at me, blinked a few times, then pulled him mouth closed with a snap, and turned back to the instrument and started the song again from the beginning. Without thinking, I let my head rest on his shoulder. From my vantage point, I could only see the very edge of the small, pleased smile that curled his lips. Something in my head was already whipping up a fretting-storm, ready to overanalyze and freak out, but I just wanted to quiet it for now and sit here contently and listen to my song.

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**Aw, and they're being cute, too! Sorry for the short chapter, though!**


	48. Chapter 48

**And here comes that plot I promised we'd get back to eventually! It's only 'plot by e loosest definition, but it's more than everyone sitting around and having mundane conversations, so there's that at least  
**

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Edward:

I didn't even care whether Bella was doing anything on purpose right now or if she was being impulsive or if she was just being nice to me by throwing me a bone. I felt so content to have her head rested on my shoulder and to see her enjoying her song. I was so happy to see her close her eyes and soak up the music, and I was ecstatic I could give her this little slice of peace. I was intent to have my moment of peace with her.

I drew the song out, playing with new bridges and cycling around to other parts to play them again. If Bella noticed, she didn't mind. Who did notice was Esme. She had been excited from upstairs to hear a new song, and was now curious as to why it sounded so different the second time around. She quietly flitted to the stairs and leaned out over the railing. I was tempted to call her out on her spying, but this moment was so nice, and Bella would probably just get embarrassed and want to end it if she knew Esme was currently our small audience.

_Oh, how sweet!_ Esme's mental voice gushed. She was nearly bouncing with contained excitement. _I knew she liked him. Of course she does!_ My finger slipped at her assessment, and Bella's eyes opened questioningly.

Esme, scolding herself for not keeping a better lid on her thoughts, aimed a quick, _Sorry!_ at me before silently retreating back up the stairs.

Bella settled back into me, and I smiled. I wondered, as I constantly had the last few days, if Bella really _did _like me. She said she wasn't sure if she was in love with me or not, but did that mean she wasn't sure if she liked me at all. Was it stupid and childish of me to hope that Bella had a crush on me? It sounded stupid and childish in my head. The song had droned on long enough though, and I brought it to a close.

Bella sighed contently and straightened. "Thank you," she said.

I opened my mouth to insist that thanks were absolutely not in order, but something stopped me. In my head, I head Alice's and Jasper's thoughts, and both of them were on red alert.

My face twisted in concern and concentration, and Bella asked, "What's wrong."

Alice and Jasper burst into the house before I could say anything.

"We have a problem," Jasper said. Immediately, Rose, Emmett, and Esme joined us in the entry hall.

Jasper was already recounting the events in his head, and I was trying to follow his thoughts. Jasper didn't panic, which I always liked– it made reading his mind that much easier in bad situations– but now he was somewhat turned around by confusion. He didn't know quite what to make of he situation, except to know inherently that it was bad.

"What happened?" Emmett demanded, he was already mentally preparing for a fight.

"We're not sure," Alice answered. Her mind _was_ panicked, and too many thoughts were flitting around. I turned my attention back to Jasper and understood.

"The wolves." I said. Jasper's thoughts betrayed that they had been near– but not on– Quileute lands, and a horrible smell drifted faintly on the wind.

"Jasper wanted to look into it," Alice explained, "the smell. The horrible smell. He wanted to follow it," she tried to explain, but she got choked up and couldn't continue.

"But Alice couldn't see what we'd find," Jasper finished. "She couldn't see anything. If we went forward, our futures just disappeared."

"What?!" Emmett bellowed. "What does that mean? That a wolf was gonna kill you both? I've met those guys, and I'm pretty sure you two could take a handful of them!"

"I don't know," Alice admitted frantically. "I don't know what it means. But we were just _gone_." Alice was visibly shaken, and Jasper could feel her anxiety. He had been trying to siphon it off to calm her, but his efforts weren't putting enough of a dent in it. Instead, he pulled Alice into his chest and held her while she continued to breathe unevenly.

I had never seen Alice like this, but I guess Alice had never lost the future before.

Emmett turned to me. "Should we go confirm the scent? Just to be sure?" he asked me. We had been around the last time our family met the wolves, before Alice and Jasper joined the family, and would definitely recognize that smell anywhere.

"No need," I said. "I can tell from their thoughts, it's wolves."

Bella, who had been stiff and silent, suddenly laughed a single, cold, hysterical laugh. "Werewolves?!" She nearly shrieked. "Is that what's going on? Seriously? Werewolves?"

I nodded, and she shook her head in denial. "No, come on, vampires weren't enough? We have werewolves now, too?"

"Well, these aren't technically _were_wolves," I hedged. "They're shape shifters, but they're almost as fast and strong as we are."

Bella buried her face into her hands and made a strangled groaning sound.

"We have to leave," Esme announced. In her mind, she was already going through all the logistics to get us out as quickly as possible.

"Don't we have a treaty with them?" Emmett asked. "I mean, wouldn't they still be bound by that."

"No," I said, "not anymore." I didn't want to remind Emmett that Carlisle broke the treaty when he turned Bella, because I worried she wouldn't be all too pleased with that information, and she'd find some way to make it her fault. "Besides," I continued, "even _if_ the treaty stood, we can't necessarily expect them to stand by it. If they thought we were enough of a threat, they could attack or expose us treaty notwithstanding."

"I'm going to call Carlisle," Esme said, and she rushed upstairs to get her phone.

After a brief phone call, Carlisle agreed to leave his shift as early as he could inconspicuously, stating a family emergency, and come home. They agreed to make a plan then.

Esme came back downstairs and said, "Okay everyone, you all know this drill. Only disappearance packing."

Everyone ran off to get started. Disappearance packing was when we only took the barest essentials with us and left as quickly as possible. With everyone gone to get their things, I was left standing alone with Bella. Jasper's thoughts warned me as he left, _don't let her freak out_, but he hadn't needed to.

Bella looked scared. One of her feet was actually bouncing on the floor with anxiety. I grabbed her hand and prayed the action would make matters better and not worse.

She gasped and turned to me, but her foot stilled.

"Are you okay?" I asked her.

She nodded too vigorously to be convincing. "Yeah, fine, just, that kind of threw me for a loop. And now we're all leaving." Her foot started bouncing again.

I pulled her hand up so I was holding it between her chest and mine. "Bella, we move constantly. I know it's scary, but this is just another day for us, in a way. Besides, what's important is that we're together. No matter what, we go everywhere together," I assured her. To be fair, it wasn't entirely true. Sometimes we lived a bit apart in different houses, especially Emmett and Rose, who liked to have their own place every few years.

Bella let out a deep breath, which I hadn't realized she'd had pent up, and seemed to calm considerably.

"Okay," she agreed, nodding more believably this time.

"Okay," I agreed. "Let's go figure out what we're gonna take."

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**So this would be the day Sam turned for the first time, and they totally broke the treaty, so it's time to head for the hills.**


	49. Chapter 49

**I was accused to enjoying giving everyone emotional whiplash. I resent that. I don't merely enjoy it, I absolutely revel in it. I could change the title of this fic to 'Shameless Emotional Whiplash' and it would be just as accurate of a name.**

**So anyway, here's some more emotional whiplash for you...**

**Really short chapter! Sorry!**

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Edward:

Carlisle came home about an hour and a half after Esme had called him, and we were all but finished packing. He had gotten the week off of work to deal with a family emergency, which gave him a nice window to report that he wouldn't be coming back at all. We had vanished without a word in the past, but it was much better to keep these things above board as much as possible.

My car was filled with my CDs and Bella's books, and barely anything else. We each grabbed a few articles of clothes to hold us over until Alice could get everyone a new wardrobe. Alice, on the other hand, had packed almost all of her clothes, leaving behind only what she thought was 'last season,' or too close to it. Esme had reminded her that we were packing _essentials_, but Alice refused to be budged. Jasper had a rather large collection of civil war memorabilia, but seeing as all of it was priceless and irreplaceable, he was able to get away with packing it all. Rose and Emmett packed the lightest, as they always seemed to do, and Esme had taken her laptop and design plan notebooks, then packed up what she thought Carlisle might need from his home office.

With Carlisle home, we gathered in the dining room. Bella hung back to stand against the wall by the doorway, and it occurred to me that we never had gotten her a chair. I guess it was too late now, though I would have been more than willing to sit her in my chair again.

The debate was quick and to the point. We agreed we didn't have a property immediately ready to go to, and trying to find something from the road could go poorly easily, especially driving around with Bella. We would have had to be extra careful to keep her away from even the scent of a human, and too much could go wrong. It was decided that we needed a place to hide out for a little while, and the best option was decided to be our cousins in Denali.

With the decision made, everyone made sure they had everything they needed, and we started sorting into cars. I would take my Aston Martin, Rose her convertible, Carlisle and Esme his Mercedes, Emmett and Jasper the Jeep, and Alice the Volvo. I had assumed Bella would be with me. I was one of the least likely to be pulled over, and Bella was, well, Bella. She belonged with me.

"Bella should come with me," Alice suggested as everyone was closing up trunks and opening the garage doors.

I narrowed my eyes at her. "I disagree," I said, more menacing than I had meant to.

"I'll be able to keep us out of any potentially bad situations better," she explained. I was going to argue, but her thoughts stopped me. _And honestly, with the stuff between you two right now, I think either of you could get distracted and not make the best decisions_.

I paused. She was right, though. Besides, it was only about a forty-hour drive. I could survive without her that long, and I didn't want my obsession with her to put us in another bad situation.

I acquiesced, and Bella got into the passenger seat of the Volvo while I got into my car. The good news was, with the horsepower I had and the open road in front of me, I would have no issues letting off some steam with a bit of too-fast driving.

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**I promise the next one will at least be not _this_ short!**

**P.S. Who's excited for Tanya? I know I am!**


	50. Chapter 50

**Yay for Chapter 50! That would feel like a much more significant milestone if these chapters weren't about 8 worlds long a piece... but I'll take my victories where I can get them!**

**Like I said, this one is a little bit longer, to make up for the short one yesterday!  
**

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Bella:

The car ride with Alice wasn't unpleasant, though it was outrageously long. I felt homesick to be leaving Forks, and I wanted to laugh, because I had been feeling exactly the same just a handful of weeks ago when I had been leaving Phoenix.

Alice talked endlessly, and I surprised us both with how easily I was able to talk back. We kept the windows rolled up the whole time, and the air off to keep out any problematic smells. The first thing we discussed was a plan is anything went wrong. In the case of any human for any reason approaching the car, I was going to hold my breath– but move my chest like I was breathing– and pretend to be asleep. If anyone woke me up, Alice would tell them I was either deaf or mute, whichever she saw working better, and I wouldn't open my mouth for any reason.

And then, if anything really started to get out of hand, I would bolt, and Alice would find me. That was plan Z, of course, but I'd rather stun and confuse a human who would never be believed than kill one.

"So when you guys refer to these vampires as your 'cousins,' what does that mean?" I asked Alice at one point.

"None of us are actually related, if that's what you mean," Alice explained. "It's just a term of endearment, I guess. I mean, we aren't actually siblings, any of us, but I'd still call you my sister."

"I assumed it was something like that," I said, "But I was curious. So if you guys are so close, why don't you all live together? Just because it's too conspicuous?"

Alice laughed, "That's certainly an issue, but it's not the only thing," she said ominously.

"What?" I asked, almost afraid to.

"Well, they live a somewhat different lifestyle than we do," Alice said with a smirk. "Have you ever head the term succubus?"

My eyebrows shot all the way up my forehead. "But I thought you said they were vegetarians like us!" I protested, thinking of the legends of female demons that lured in men with unworldly charm only to prey on them once they'd bedded them.

"Oh they are!" Alice insisted with a grin. I could tell she was enjoying my discomfort. "Well, they are now. They love the thrill of the chase, I think, and they _love_ the men they bring in, but it's like fishing for sport, they catch and release, and the 'fish' are only ever a little dinged up in the end."

I was gaping. That didn't even seem possible. For a vampire to be that close to a human would be torture. To handle one gently enough that they could walk away would be unimaginable.

"Don't worry," Alice teased, "They've promised not to have any boys over while you're there. We don't need another Mrs. Harris incident." She punctuated her sentence with a wink.

The first time we had to stop for gas, I was instructed to hold my breath. Alice had done well in finding a gas station that was deserted, but I could make out the faint heartbeat of the one employee who was in the back of the little store. My mind focused on it, though I tried not to, and it felt like the soft, wet thumping was hypnotizing me. It was calling me. Da-dum da-dum Bel-la Bel-la.

I hadn't realized my hand was resting purposefully on the car door's handle until Alice appeared outside my window, tapping on the glass to get my attention. I whipped my head around to look at her, and her expression was grave. She held my gaze and shook her head, telling me not to do whatever it was she saw me about to do. I snatched my traitor hand off the door handle and clutched it against my chest.

Alice sauntered off, and I pulled my knees up so I could rest my head on them. The thumping heartbeat was still taunting me, and holding my breath was starting to feel suffocating, even though I knew I didn't need that air.

I needed to think of something else. I needed to think of something else. My brain tried to call up come memory to focus on, but the only thing it could come up with was the day I first smelled the sweet promise of human blood.

_I don't want to hurt Mrs. Harris_, I told myself. I tried to think of what Alice told me, about her doting on her grand-niece, about the casseroles she made for Esme, about anything.

_But you don't know this person. He's just a passerby, just someone who works here. Who will even notice he's gone?_ the monster hissed. My throat was burning, like she was trying to scratch her way out. I wished Edward were here. Last time this happened, he was able to talk over her when I wasn't. Last time, he made me look in his eyes when he said, _Bella, pay attention. Listen to my voice._ I did. I would listen. Even to this memory playing on repeat in the back of my mind. I tried to remember the feeling of Edward's hands on my face. _Good, Bella, listen, remember, you don't want to hurt anybody_. I didn't. I didn't want to hurt anybody. I thought about his eyes, warm and yellow and convincing. I thought about his crooked smile, and his full, thousand-megawatt one. I thought about the days we'd sat around the house and he'd pulled me closer every time I leaned on him. I thought about the song he wrote for me, though I'd never confirmed my suspicion with him and he'd never offered the information. I thought about the feeling of his hands on my face, not when he was calming me out of the blood rage, but when we were in his room, on his sofa, listening to quiet, breathy music on his stereo. In my mind, this time, when he leaned in, he didn't kiss me, he just whispered._ Okay, Bella. Okay. You're not going to hurt anyone. You're okay._

And I was okay. I picked my head up off my knees, and only then realized that at some point I had put my hands over my ears to try to block out the sound of the beating heart. I could still hear it now, but it was quieter maybe, like someone had turned off the subwoofers and the drumbeat had stopped vibrating through the floor. I sat up straight, and it occurred to me to wonder where Alice was. Why hadn't she done anything to help me? I looked around, I couldn't see her out my window, where the gas pump was, but I turned to look out the driver's window, and there she was. She was planted half way between the car and the store. I wondered if to a human she looked casual, because she didn't look casual to me. It was subtle, but I could tell she was on high-alert. She was barely rolled onto the balls of her feet and all her joints were just bent enough to be ready to pounce. Her eyes were fixed on me, waiting.

This was what she had done to help me; instead of trying to calm me down, which maybe she could see wouldn't have worked, she'd taken up the line of defense between my would-be victim and me.

As I waited for her, not daring to move, I saw her soften. She rolled back on her feet, and her limbs loosened. Suddenly, she smiled at me, and danced back to the car. She peeled out of the gas station's parking lot, and we were doing double the speed limit again in no time.

"That was exciting," Alice commented with an amused smile. She rolled down all the car's windows, and I could feel the fresh, cold, Canadian air rush around us. I exhaled for the first time, and took in a deep breath of evergreen air.

"That was close," I countered.

"Pfft, no. You were fine," Alice said off-handedly.

I cast her a look, challenging her assessment of the situation. She glanced at me, then focused back on the road, refusing to acknowledge her lie.

"You were ready for a fight," I argued.

"Yeah, but I would have won," she stated confidently.

I gaped. "You don't know that!" I insisted, horrified at the idea of actually fighting Alice. She was so little!

She tapped her forehead meaningfully and said, "I do know that."

I crossed my arms over my chest. "That's not how that works," I said, though to be honest I didn't necessarily know all the details to how her sixth sense worked.

She laughed, and the sound was like silver bells. "Okay, so I don't _know_ that, but I was pretty sure," she admitted with a wink.

She obviously found this all very amusing, but I didn't.

"I'm sorry," I said. "I didn't mean to put you in that situation."

Alice rolled her eyes. "Bella, which one of us is driving the car? I'm pretty sure I'm literally the one who put us in that situation. Besides, it's in the past, so let it go, and you did great, anyway. Sure there were a few options where you were going to fight me for that guy working there, but I had faith you weren't going to," she said, smiling at me. "Besides, I would never let a man come between us!" she joked.

Despite myself, I laughed. Her happy nonchalance was infectious. "How do you do that?" I asked, still smiling. "How can you be optimistic when you can see all the things that can go wrong?"

"You know, Edward asked me that once too. Sometimes, he sees the future too when I do, and all it ever does is fuel his worries. Every situation has good outcomes and bad outcomes, and every person struggles with making the right choice, and I can see when they struggle with it. I can see what the chances are that someone is going to make a bad choice, but even if the odds are stacked against that person, they can still do the right thing. Even if the future was ninety percent certain you were going to get out of the car and attack that guy, I was a hundred percent certain you weren't," she explained.

"You were waiting to fight me!" I said. "You can't have been that certain."

She smiled guiltily, "Okay, maybe not _a hundred_ percent sure, but I knew, because I believe in you, and no matter what the odds were, it wasn't a game of chance, it was _you_ making a _choice_. Just because there was a ninety percent chance you were going to attack, you still had the free will to choose the ten percent, and that's what was important."

"That… doesn't make any sense," I said.

"Yeah, Edward didn't think so either," Alice said with a huff. "But look at it this way, you did the right thing in the end."

I conceded that with a hum.

"And at the next gas station, you're not going to have the same problem," she asserted.

"And is that the future speaking, or your incongruous optimism?" I asked sardonically.

Alice beamed, undeterred by my tone. "Both!"

* * *

**I love Alice!**

**Today, on the epic adventure that is my life, my vacation is over and I'm home again, and I'm spontaneously super sick. So that's fun. So if I don't manage to put a chapter up tomorrow, it's because I'm sleeping and drinking tea and having my brain slowly drip out trough my nose...**


	51. Chapter 51

**There is so much lemon honey tea in me right now, I think it's replacing my blood. Worth it, though– it helped me manage to get this chapter done!**

* * *

Bella:

Well, as unwilling as I had been to believe it, Alice had been right. The next gas station had come and gone without incident, without me even having to curl into a ball and think happy thoughts. In my worry, I had mentioned to her that I was thirstier than usual and suggested we stop to hunt before we stopped for gas a second time, but Alice didn't like the idea.

"There are too many variables if we run off into the woods," she'd explained. "Optimism aside, things can still go really wrong really quickly without the proper precautions, especially when hunting with a newborn."

"That's okay," I'd reassured her. "I'm sure I can wait 'til we get to Alaska."

"Are you sure?" she'd asked, her brow furrowed with indecision and worry. "Because we _can_ hunt if you need to, we would just need to call the family and regroup first."

I'd rejected that idea vehemently. No way was I going to drag everyone off the road just so I could get a drink. I was fine, and I could easily deal with the thirsty twitches I got so long as I was in the little car with nothing to do.

Over the rest of the nearly two-day long drive, every time we had to stop my thirst was paradoxically easier _and_ more difficult to deal with. I was able to keep a handle on my thoughts better each time, and I could beat back the daydreams of hunting one of these humans we encountered, but I also felt myself getting more antsy, more anxious. My foot was tapping and I couldn't stop playing with my fingers, and though when Alice asked, I'd attributed the nervous habits to boredom in the confined car, I knew they were because my thirst was only getting worse. I was about ready to put my ego aside and ask Alice to round up the family so I could hunt something when she announced that we were almost at the last gas station.

So instead, I held my breath and closed my eyes and to distract myself from the two heartbeats inside– one the employee's and one a trucker's who was muttering to himself about beef jerky– I thought about how very soon I would be in a safe home with my family and their old friends. I thought about how I would see Edward again, and was surprised at myself to realize how much I missed him. It hadn't even been two days since I last saw him, and I rationalized that it only felt like longer because I hadn't really spent very much time with him since last weekend. I counted the days back in my head and realized it was Friday already. I immediately decided that the first thing I would do in Denali would be to get Edward to take me hunting, so I could kill two birds with one stone– rid myself of the burning feeling that was raking my throat and the missing-Edward feeling that was squeezing my chest.

I wondered if someone else would have to come with us, just to make sure we stayed in appropriate terrain, but I imagined Edward could get whatever information he needed out of the Denali vampires' heads if he wanted to. If he wanted to be alone with me as much as I wanted to be alone with him.

I bit back a groan so I wouldn't have to explain the noise to the ever-curious Alice. Why was I so desperate to run off with Edward? Why did I miss him so much more than anyone else? If I was in love with him, why couldn't I just feel _love_ instead of all these roundabout emotions? I didn't want to play twenty questions with my subconscious anymore. I wanted to know what all these feelings meant. If I missed him this much and I wanted to see him this badly, did that mean I loved him or just that he was my best friend? And if I _did_ love him, shouldn't I be able to tell by now? Weren't there supposed to be birds chirping and angels singing every time I saw him? When I'd looked at him recently, all I'd felt was confused.

I took a deep breath. I knew what was going on– my thirst was making me unnecessarily anxious over things again. I'd been through all of this just a few days ago before this incredibly long road trip. I didn't have to decide anything. I could wait and listen and spent as much or as little time with Edward as I wanted to until I understood. I could just be his friend until I wasn't confused every time I saw him. I had time. I had eternity. I just needed to calm down and stop fretting.

Breaking me from my reverie, Alice joined me in the car.

"Edward will be more that willing to take you hunting," she told me as she started the engine. "And he knows the surrounding area very well," she added with a wink, apparently aware that I wanted us to be alone, though I didn't know how her visions covered that. I was glad being a vampire kept me from being able to blush, because I imagined I'd be scarlet at the implication if I could have been.

We had barely another two hours of driving before we made it to the house in Denali, and I was bouncing in my seat between nervous energy and excitement to be out of the tiny car and able to move. Alice told me that everyone except Emmett and Jasper in the Jeep had beat us, and that I would have no problem leaving immediately to hunt, putting off introductions until later.

I felt like I was seeing the future as clearly as Alice did as my thoughts surged ahead. I would get out of the car, find Edward, take his hand, and then run off to find something warm and full of blood. Then I would tell him I was sorry for how I'd been treating him, and promise not to ignore him any longer. The car pulled up to the house, and I was ready to rip the door off just to be able to stand again after sitting for so long, but just as we stopped and Alice turned off the engine, my hand stalled on the car door.

Carlisle and Esme were pleasantly engaged with two older, brown-haired vampires, Rose was laughing about something with two pretty, pale blonde girls around our age, and Edward was being led into the house by a striking young strawberry blonde. That was what had stopped me: the girl. She was every inch as beautiful and flawless as he was, and her arm was looped through his intimately. He turned to glance at our car from the house's threshold. Our eyes met through the car's windshield, and he lifted his free hand in a half-hearted wave to me. I was too frozen to respond, my brain still struggling to churn through what I was seeing. As I struggled internally, the beautiful girl raised herself gracefully to her tiptoes and whispered something in Edward's ear, he responded to her suggestion– whatever it was– with a smile, and cast a last glance to me before she pulled him into the house with an angelic giggle.

My vision was red and everything was fire. I hated her. I hadn't even met her yet, and I hated her so badly I could taste acid and venom in my mouth just thinking about her.

"Bella?" a voice asked, dragging my attention away from the front door that stood still ajar. It was Alice, standing outside the passenger window. She had a confused, concerned look on her face, and I wondered if my emotions were as clear as they usually were, or if she was reacting to some change in the future. I got out of the car just in time for Carlisle to join us.

"How was your drive?" he asked.

Not having any patience to deal with small talk right now, I answered too quickly and honestly, "I need to go hunting."

Carlisle, catching the severity of my tone, nodded and agreed, "We can leave right now."

I nodded back. "Lead the way."

* * *

**How mad would Edward be if he found out what he just missed out on, right?!**

**Just gonna say this now, I've seen a bunch of fics in the past where Tanya is some crazy, man hungry, home wrecking, psycho bitch person, but from what I could tell in the books, she seemed like a nice girl with an unreciprocated crush, and in Midnight Sun, Edward even admits he likes Tanya as a person, he just doesn't want her in the ways she wants him. So I'm just gonna run with the idea that Edward and Tanya are friends, and that she isn't horrible. (But she totally is trying to get in his pants. Seriously though, who can blame her?)  
**


	52. Chapter 52

**What's that? Did I hear you say you all want a long, Edward over-thinking and drawing the wrong conclusions chapter? No? Well too bad...  
**

* * *

Edward:

An inch of snow covered the ground where I had pulled over by the side of the road. I had been driving the fastest, and was now too far ahead of everyone else. I had hoped that Rose would be keeping up with me, but now I was left to assume that she had chosen to enjoy the drive more leisurely.

I wished Alice were here, as I often did when I was left to wait for something. My impatience had always been an issue, and having Alice check the future for me had become a quick fix I relied on way too much. I wanted to know how long it would be before someone would catch up, and who it would be that made it first. It felt spineless of me to sit here and wait for another member of my family before carrying on, but I very much didn't want to be the first person to arrive. I already wasn't in the best of moods; I missed Bella, and as much as I loved my Aston Martin, the long drive had worn on me. Though I was excited to see our extended family up north, I wanted to arrive alongside some of the others as a buffer. I especially didn't want to be the target for all the inevitable questions about the newborn. They knew of course, the bare bones of the information about her, but it wouldn't be long before they all would be made aware one way or another of the complicated situation between Bella and myself. Still, ending this long journey with a Spanish Inquisition was not something I hoped to experience.

For now, I tried to pull together some patience and listened for one of the cars of my family. I hoped gently onto the hood of my Aston and leaned back against the windshield. I idly wondered if Alice and Bella would be the first to catch up to me. I hoped they would, though it seemed unlikely. Being away from Bella for the last two days after the time of tenuous, possible friendship reigniting left me feeling unassured about what kind of terms we would be on when I saw her again. After she joined me at the piano the other day, I had wanted nothing more than just a minute alone with her to talk. I wanted to know what she was feeling. I wanted to know where she stood. I was so afraid that the affection she had shown me was another mistake, and that she might pull herself further away because of it.

If Bella had taken this long drive with me, we could have had the opportunity to talk about it already. We could have talked about so many things. It felt like it had been so long since we'd had an easy conversation, though in reality it hadn't even been a week yet, and I _missed_ it. I didn't realize it until I was trapped in my car with only my thoughts as company for forty hours, but I truly _needed_ to work out some sort of system with Bella that would allow me to be with her without confusing or scaring her. She could come up with whatever rules she wanted, and I would follow them. If she didn't want me to touch her, fine. If she didn't want me to stare at her longingly, as I knew she'd caught me doing a few times already , okay. If she didn't want to ever share another sofa again, or if she needed a personal space bubble that was ten feet wide, I could deal with it. But not the silence! The silence was killing me.

I tried to relax. The air up here was sharp and fresh, and it felt cleansing to take deep breaths of it. I reminded myself that taking this car ride without Bella had been the right choice, mostly because I had no idea what Bella's reaction to being alone with me would be, and trapping her alone with me for forty hours wouldn't be the best way to find out.

I heard a car coming towards me from a few miles off, and listened as closely as I could to see if I could catch the internal voice of whoever was in it. I sighed in disappointment a few seconds later when I recognized the minds of Carlisle and Esme instead of Alice, but I was glad enough it was anyone from my family. I got back in my car and started the engine. The two of them were surprised when they came around the bend in the road that allowed them to see my car idling in the shoulder, but Carlisle quickly reasoned that if I'd wanted them to stop, I'd have been waiting outside to flag them down, and drove past me. I followed them the last few miles, and we arrived at the house together.

Our cousins heard us coming when we turned down their long driveway, and were all gathered outside to greet us when we arrived. It seemed I had worried in vain about being bombarded with questions about Bella, because instead, we were bombarded with questions about the wolves. They all already knew about the first pack of wolves we had met years ago, and they knew of the treaty we'd made with them.

"But I don't understand," Eleazar said, "You told us when you moved back there that the wolves were extinct."

"We thought they were," Carlisle responded. "I can only imagine that the gene must skip generations, or that it was recessive enough to only seem gone until now."

Eleazar frowned, not liking the uncertainty of Carlisle's response, but Carmen smiled.

"Well," she started, "They'll never find you here!" She clapped her hands decisively, hoping to close the subject. "Why don't you tell us about your youngest?" she suggested to Carlisle. Both his and Esme's thoughts immediately turned to me, and I pretended not to notice.

"Bella is a shy one," Carlisle said, hoping to hedge around explaining my situation. Carmen and Eleazar noticed the evasion in his answer, and a glance passed between them as they silently agreed not to push for information that wasn't readily shared. I could kiss them for their respectful release of the topic, but before I could feel too relieved, Kate's voice cut in.

"What is that supposed to mean?" she asked, having also noticed Carlisle's tone.

"Kate!" Irina scolded. "I'm sure she's lovely," she said to Carlisle in the tone of an apology.

Kate frowned. _I want to know!_ She whined internally. Suddenly remembering I could hear her thoughts, she turned look at me. _You'll tell me all about her later, right Edward?_ she asked, but before I could try to get out of promising anything, Irina glanced between us and caught on.

"Come on, Kate," she said, exasperated. "We'll meet her within the hour. Show some dignity, you gossip."

Kate narrowed her eyes at her sister, mentally accusing her of ruining her fun, and poked her gently in the ribs, shocking her lightly when she did. Irina jumped a little, and scowled back while Tanya laughed playfully.

Another car turned up the driveway, out of sight through the trees, but within easy hearing range for us all.

"Maybe I'll get to meet her sooner than you think," Kate said to Irina, briefly sticking her tongue out at her at the end.

I wasn't getting my hopes up. I knew the purr of Rosalie's car's engine. She kept it so finely tuned it was impossible to mistake for the Volvo.

The girls were just as excited to see Rose, anyway. She had always been the closest with the younger of our cousins, with perhaps the exception of Tanya, who insisted on being closest to me. As if to prove it, when her sisters went to greet mine, she danced closer to me with a smile.

"It's been a while since you've been up here," she accused, remembering when we last parted ways, and trying not to think of my refusal to her various offers. Though her sentence was innocent enough, and her tone spoke of nothing but small talk, her thoughts betrayed another meaning. I had been gone so long, that maybe I'd had time to change my mind about our relationship to each other.

"It hasn't been that long," I discouraged.

Tanya laughed at my answer. _Well you can't blame me for wondering_, she thought. A few steps away from us, Kate was already trying to pry some sort of information about what made the newborn so strange from Rosalie, and Rose, God bless her, was defending Bella.

"There's nothing _wrong_ with her," She insisted, somewhat affronted by Kate's insinuations. Irina was rolling her eyes.

"Well, Carlisle said she was shy, but it sounded like he meant something else," Kate argued.

"She is shy," Rose confirmed. "She didn't speak at all for the longest time when she woke up, and then for weeks it was one word sentences only. But she's past that." Rose stopped for a second, frowning, then amended, "She's mostly past that." Kate didn't know it, but Rose was thinking about how Bella still seemed uncomfortable talking to me, and she was wondering if meeting new people here would make her retreat back into her shell.

Kate was only unhappier with the ambiguity of Rosalie's answer, but Irina was itching to change the subject.

"We'll have to wait and see, won't we?" Irina said, ignoring Kate's huff, and sidestepping another static poke. "But anyway, Rose, have we got some stories for you!"

Rose grinned, and I gagged. This was why Rose was the favorite; a house full of succubae, and only one of their cousins wanted to trade too-detailed stories of conquests and experiments. Tanya, noting my discomfort, hooked her arm into mine and started to pull me towards the house.

"We've done some renovations since the last time you were here," she said. "Would you care to see them?" _And get away from the stories about to be shared_, she added mentally.

"Don't you have some of your own to add?" I challenged, though I began to walk with her away from our sisters.

Tanya laughed. "Of course!" Then, loud enough that her sisters would know they were meant to hear, she said, "I'm just not rude enough to discuss them in front of the guests!"

Kate turned to us and stuck out her tongue, and Irina crossed her arms over her chest at the accusation.

Before either of them could argue, another car turned onto the drive. Kate turned towards the noise zealously, and hoped that this one would contain the girl she so desperately wanted to meet.

It would. The car coming around the bends of the driveway was definitely not the Jeep, and I could hear Alice's thoughts. She was looking ahead for when Jasper would arrive with Emmett. Apparently, the two had stopped at some arcade on the way up, but they were now speeding through the snowy northern roads faster than any of the other cars had been able to, trying to make up lost time. They would be here soon too.

"I've never seen Kate so desperate to see a girl," Irina said to Rose, then turned to her sister. "Are you thinking of batting for the other team?" she teased.

Kate grinned at her sister. "You're just jealous that I can attract any woman I want," she quipped back. I frowned. Even though they were only kidding, I still felt a tiny pang of jealousy at the idea of anyone else trying to attract Bella.

Rose and Irina laughed just as the Volvo pulled up next to Carlisle's Mercedes. I met Bella's eyes through the windshield. When she saw me, she froze. Her hand hovered over the door handle, like she was about to get out, but now realizing I was here, had decided against it.

So, back to avoiding me it was, then. It seemed my worries about scaring her away weren't as ridiculous as I had tried to convince myself they were. I wondered what the two days apart had meant for her. Had she missed me like I missed her? Had she missed me even a fraction of that? Or had she realized that I wasn't as important to her as she'd thought. Maybe she'd barely thought of me at all– 'out of sight, out of mind' and all that. I raised my free arm to wave at her, hoping to elicit a response, but she continued to gape at me, looking shocked and something akin to offended.

Alice had gotten out of the car, but stalled too. She was confused about a new version of the future that had sprung up. It was a blurry vision of Bella going for a hunt with Carlisle, and she seemed very unhappy about it. Alice, too, seemed unhappy about the change, though her thoughts were too focused on the future for me to catch why. I considered trying to tag along on Bella and Carlisle's hunt, but I didn't want to make anything worse, so I dropped that idea.

Without my realizing that she had gotten so close, Tanya's voice was suddenly in my ear. "Quick, let's get out of here before Kate jumps the girl!" she whispered, glancing at her sister who was staring at Bella, trying to work out what the big secret was.

I turned to Tanya and forced a smile as an agreement, unable to put together words but unwilling to stand here and gape back at Bella. I put a step of space between us as Tanya returned to standing flat on her feet, and as she pulled my by our linked elbows into the house, giggling at the idea of Kate scrutinizing the poor, shy newborn, I cast one last glance at Bella over my shoulder. Her expression hadn't changed.

* * *

**It's funny how two people can be a part of the same situation and interpret it so differently...**

**I don't want to jinx it, but I think I may have nipped this whole cold business in the bud. I was already feeling better this morning, and all the miserable stuff is gone except for an itchy throat. Hopefully it stays gone!**


	53. Chapter 53

**Guess who has a big paper to write before the semester ends and is instead writing fic. Whoops, it's me!**

* * *

Edward:

I was in a daze as Tanya lead me through the house and showed me what was new. The wall separating the unused kitchen from the living room had been torn out to make the space feel larger and more open, and the main bathroom upstairs had been redone. I had listened as Bella and Carlisle ran off to go hunting, ignoring Tanya's speech about how the light fell better into the larger living room without the wall.

"Edward?" she said, pulling me from my reverie. She had released my arm once we'd made it into the house, but now placed her hand on my shoulder to get my attention. At the physical contact, her thoughts seemed louder in my head. She was disappointed that I wasn't paying attention, and I resolved to be less rude.

"I'm sorry," I said. "I'm feeling a little spaced out after driving for so long," I lied.

She believed me and smiled her forgiveness. _I know the feeling,_ she assured me. _Being by yourself for too long can drive anyone stir crazy, huh?_

I laughed once, because what she said had been unintentionally very true. She was referring to long boring stretches in cars, but I was thinking about all the years I'd been slow-cooking my loneliness into the deep pessimism I still couldn't shake.

Tanya quirked her head, wondering what I'd found funny.

"Nothing," I said, "Just thinking that stir crazy is the perfect description for how I feel."

She smiled at me, and her mind jumped to things she could do to help me relax. I braced myself for the crude images I often got from the Tanya and her sisters, but was surprised to see that her ideas ranged more through her favorite places to run in the area, and the nicest places in the town nearby. Of course, just as I had a second to appreciate her considerate thoughts, there was the briefest flash of Tanya and me in her luxurious bed upstairs.

I sighed. "And for a second I thought you weren't going to think it," I said, rolling my eyes.

Tanya laughed, a little awkwardly but she was too self-assured and confident to truly be embarrassed. "It was just a thought," she defended playfully, but she couldn't stop herself from thinking that it was only 'just a thought' until I said yes, at which point she would be more than willing to make it a reality.

"Tanya," I sighed, frustrated. "I'm flattered, but my answer now is the same it was when we last saw each other, and the time before that. I just don't want to pursue that kind of relationship with you," I explained as gently as I could, not mentioning that I was pursuing exactly that kind of relationship with someone else. Well, maybe not _exactly_ the same type of relationship. Tanya wanted me, that I knew well and she had no intention of hiding, but her feelings for me were shallow and based entirely on lust. She didn't love me, and I hadn't ever loved her. She just didn't feel that a lack of true feelings should stand between us having fun with each other. I did.

Tanya accepted my rejection with the same grace she had the other times. I could tell that it stung her to be let down again, and for a second, I saw that she wanted to get rid of her little crush on me so that she wouldn't be disappointed again, but she covered those thoughts up immediately, and I pretended she had caught them fast enough that I hadn't heard them. I felt bad hurting Tanya's feelings, even though these particular feelings weren't deep to begin with and I knew she would bounce back easily.

Keeping her mind occupied on only the house and its updates, she guided me upstairs to the redone bathroom. It was much nicer than I remembered it being before, and a large air-jet bath had replaced the clawfoot tub that had been there before. As I looked at the new bath, easily large enough for two people– which was probably the point– Tanya's mind flashed with thoughts of her conquests there before she could stop them.

"Sorry!" she said before I'd even managed to react. "I'm going to have to work on controlling my thoughts. It's not something I've had to worry about for a while," she said sheepishly. In her mind, I could see that she was worried about making me too uncomfortable and annoying me, and she genuinely wanted to rein in the unruly thoughts that she was afraid would bother me.

"Don't worry about it," I told her. "I can't possibly expect everyone to control their thoughts around me all the time." She smiled, and I added, "Besides, no matter what you think about, I've seen worse."

She seemed startled at my teasing her. "Why Edward," she gasped, over exaggerating the sound. "Was that a challenge?" she asked with a devious smirk.

"No," I said firmly, regret and fear running cold through me. "No. No, Tanya. It wasn't. Please, God, it was _not_ a challenge."

She laughed at me. "Oh please, Edward, I was kidding," she said with a smirk.

I laughed too, relieved more than anything. "Thank Heaven for that," I muttered.

Downstairs, we heard everyone else perk up at the sound of another car turning onto the drive. We both listened in as well, Tanya just with her ears, and I with my gift. Emmett's thoughts were loud, as they always were. He was already thinking about his reunion with Rose, and the much longer coming reunion with our cousins. Jasper's thoughts were quieter, but his too had a tone of anticipation and a quiet need to see Alice again. He'd worried vaguely about her being alone with the newborn, but when she said they'd be fine and asked him to trust her, he had accepted her assurance and went along with her decision.

Their thoughts reminded me of the eagerness I'd felt to see Bella when I had arrived, and I forced down the twinge of envy I felt at them for the ease of their situations compared to mine.

With only a glance at each other to agree, Tanya and I went back downstairs to greet my brothers. Jasper was driving now after Emmett had driven the first half of the trip, and he parked the car next to mine. When they got out, Emmett embraced Rose and swung her around in a hug, while Alice and Jasper barely joined hands and communicated their love through Jasper's gift.

"Welcome!" Tanya said, giving Emmett a far less enthusiastic hug once he'd put Rose down, and shaking Jasper's hand in deference to his feelings about personal space. She seemed far more concerned with respecting Jasper's personal space than mine, I noticed. Kate and Irina followed their sister in greeting the guests, and Carmen and Eleazar welcomed them with kind words but without the physical affections.

"I'm starved!" Emmett announced almost immediately. "Do you guys have anything good to eat up here?" he asked the three blonde sisters.

"Of course!" Tanya answered. "I was already thinking of giving Edward here a tour of the recent hunting grounds," she said, looking over her shoulder at me and winking conspicuously. "Perhaps we could all go together instead."

Emmett laughed at Tanya's display. _So nobody's asked about you and Bella yet, huh?_ He accused. I flashed him a glare, and he caught my meaning.

"That sounds like a great idea!" Alice answered for us all. Of course, she could already see the route Tanya would take us on, so the trip would be redundant for her and now me, but Alice liked the idea of a little family outing and glared at me when I considered sitting it out, thus popping out of her visions.

Esme opted to stay behind with the rest of the Denali coven while my siblings and I left with Tanya. As we began to run, I wondered if we would meet Bella and Carlisle out in the woods. Alice had the same thought, and checked to satisfy her own curiosity. It seemed we wouldn't run into them, and I sighed disappointedly.

Alice caught the noise and glanced at me. _Don't worry_, she said. _It looks like they're going to beat us home, so you'll see her as soon as we get back_.

It already seemed like too long.

* * *

**Tanya has a bit of a one-track mind, in case you couldn't tell. I guess Edward has a fairly one-track mind too, but there's nobody around to read his and give him a hard time for constantly thinking about Bella.**


	54. Chapter 54

**Okay, so here's a significant diversion from the books that I have in my story: Bella is still clumsy. Thankfully, she's not as debilitatingly clumsy as she was as a human, but I imagine she still struggles to find her footing in unfamiliar terrain, like thick snow here, and slippery mud in chapter 20- if anyone remembers that.**

* * *

Bella:

Carlisle and I ran far into the woods around the house before we found anything. As we had run, we had managed to gloss over the snow without breaking it– well, usually not breaking it. There were a few times where my foot cracked the surface and I stumbled for a step, but Carlisle was kind enough not to mention it and I managed to keep up.

I knew that I would trip less if I could focus better on my footing, but my mind was still racing with thoughts of Edward and the strawberry blonde. I wasn't looking forward to the introductions when we got back, if only because I couldn't imagine having to speak to her without feeling like I was going to explode.

I sighed. I wasn't being fair. I wasn't even sure that this girl was interested in Edward. What I had seen briefly could have been innocent enough, and even if it wasn't, Edward and I weren't together. I couldn't rationally be upset with him for having other options.

Acknowledging I couldn't rationally be upset, I just accepted that I was going to have to be _irrationally_ upset, because I was still _very_ upset. The jealousy just wouldn't go away. I felt like I should have had better control over myself than this, and I was willing to blame it at least partially on the lack of substantial amounts of blood I'd had all week, but I also wondered what feeling this jealousy meant. How many times was I going to have to deal with things that implied I had feelings for Edward before I could actually _feel_ love for him?

I mean, I wasn't an idiot, I could figure that some part of me was trying to tell me I loved him. I missed him when he was gone and wanted to be close to him when he was near. I liked talking to him and listening to him and the easy silence we could maintain in the long stretches when nothing needed to be said. I found him attractive, enough so that when he had kissed me some baser instinct took over to kiss him back so thoroughly. I liked to see him smile. I liked to hear him laugh. And now on top of all that evidence, I was burning up inside with jealousy because he had his arm linked for all of two seconds with another girl.

But so if I knew all of this, why couldn't I feel it? Thinking about Edward just made me scared and confused. Remembering how he had kissed me made my skin itch as much as it made it tingle. I found myself wishing that he hadn't ever told me he loved me. It was so much easier for me before, to just be with him without having to worry about an endgame.

I frowned at myself. I was being selfish, thinking that. It was easier for _me_ before, sure, but I could only imagine bottling up his feelings had been hell for him.

Caught in my thoughts as I ran, I didn't notice Carlisle had stopped until I hit his shoulder. I stumbled forward, my feet getting tangled in the suddenly deep snow, and he grabbed my upper arm to keep me from falling.

"Sorry," I muttered, embarrassed.

Carlisle responded only by smiling at me reassuringly. I caught the scent in the air and realized why we'd stopped. It smelled something like deer, but I could tell it was a different animal. I figured hunting would get my mind off how embarrassed I felt with everything today, and tried to stalk closer.

I found the animals, a small herd of caribou, and set my sights on the largest one. I stalked closer, trying to step gingerly on the snow. It worked for a few steps, and my feet didn't sink too far every time I shifted my feet, but one misplaced foot and I sank almost to my knee in snow. The caribou bolted at the crunching sound, and desperate, I tried to chase. My foot that was already in the snow dug deeper, and got caught on what I assume was a tree root, so instead of running after the caribou, I face-planted with vampire speed into the snow.

I lay there for a moment, just defeated, and let out of whine. If I were still human, I would have been crying the angry, frustrated tears I used to experience too often. I knew I was acting like a child throwing a tantrum, but I just wanted to be left in the snow to my despair and humiliation. I didn't want to sit up and face Carlisle, who I knew was standing just a few paces behind me, patiently letting me deal with the disaster that was my life in that moment.

I finally pulled myself up out of the snow and sat cross-legged, pouting. Carlisle joined me, sitting next to me gracefully and barely sinking into the blanket of white. I noticed I was covered in flakes and clumps of snow, and unlike if they were on a human with body heat to melt them, they were perfectly content to just cling to me.

"Don't worry," Carlisle said, putting a hand on my shoulder and giving it a squeeze. "We'll catch them next time."

I sighed. "Can't we just go home? I don't want to hunt anymore." The rational part of my brain screamed at me, yelling that I was thirsty and that I needed blood. But right now, the side of my brain that was winning was the embarrassed child side that just wanted to go home and curl into a little ball of misery and not make eye contact with anyone for the next century.

A tiny part of my brain also reasoned that if I went back to the house, Edward would be there, and maybe I could just pick up a book and pretend to read it and curl up under his arm on a sofa until everything was better.

Carlisle looked disapproving of the idea, but now that my brain had latched onto the idea of returning to Edward, I was desperate to go. This time, even if he were with _her_, I wouldn't avoid him. I told myself that I didn't even have any reason to think he even _liked_ her, and he'd told me he _loved_ me. If there was some sort of competition going on, I was sure to win it, wasn't I?

"I don't think giving up on hunting is such a good idea…" Carlisle said uneasily. I recognized that he didn't like the idea of making me continue hunting if I didn't want to, but he also saw the irresponsibility of just letting me give up.

"Please," I begged. "I'll try again later, I swear. I can convince Edward to take me tonight." When I said it, I only meant it as a placation, but I found myself excited to fulfill the promise.

"Okay!" Carlisle looked pleased at the bargain. Too pleased. I realized that he must have thought all of this meant something for his first son and me. He might have even thought I was only trying to go home now as an excuse to drag Edward out later. I didn't know really if he was wrong or not, but it still felt manipulative when I didn't correct him. It was bad enough I was almost definitely going to get Edward's hopes up for a love that might not ever exist, I wished I didn't have to drag Carlisle's expectations into the equation too.

* * *

**Poor Bella. You know when you're hungry and tired and sad and just want to curl up in bed and not exist for a bit? Well she's feeling the vampire equivalent of that- until her next exciting mood swing, that is!**


	55. Chapter 55

Bella:

As we ran back to the house, my bad mood started to lift. I was excited to see Edward for the first _real_ time in two days– I was just going to say the awkward car eye contact and my subsequent over-reaction didn't count– and on top of that, the more I ran in the snow, the better I got at it. I was gliding now almost as easily as Carlisle, leaving barely footprints behind me.

Esme must have heard us coming, because she was standing by the front door when we approached.

"How was your hunt?" she asked kindly. I noticed the other vampires I hadn't met were gathered just inside in the living room, and didn't want to answer out of embarrassment.

"We didn't find anything, so we came back" Carlisle lied, saving me from the worst first impression I could imagine making. "Bella is going to give it another try with Edward later," he added.

Esme perked up at the suggestion. "Oh! Well that's wonderful!" She beamed. "How about we introduce you to everyone?"

Esme led the way into the spacious living room, and I noticed that none of my siblings or Edward were there. Listening for any indications that they were in the house at all, I found nothing, and my mood immediately dropped. I turned my attention back to the cousins, bracing to meet them, and noticed that one was missing. _The_ one was missing. The irrational voice in my head screamed that she and Edward were off together and the jealousy flared up again. I beat it back. Even if she and Edward were somewhere together, even if they were _alone_ somewhere together, which seemed unlikely based on the equal disappearance of my siblings, she was only a cousin, a friend. I had nothing to worry about.

Unshockingly, I still felt worried.

Esme pleasantly rattled off names, and I shook hands and said hello. First with Irina and Kate, then with Carmen, and finally Eleazar, who was eyeing me strangely.

"That's quite the gift you have," he said after the pleasantries were over.

"Gift?" I asked. I knew Edward, Alice, and Jasper were gifted, but I hadn't thought I was. It had been implied a few times that I'd had a stronger than expected control over my bloodlust– a control that didn't extend to the rest of my emotions– but I didn't think that was a gift. I had somewhat smugly thought I was just more disciplined than newborns generally were.

I glanced to Carlisle and then Esme, but they both seemed just as confused.

"Yes," Eleazar said. "You're gifted. Did you not know?"

I shook my head sheepishly.

Eleazar smiled reassuringly. "Well I can see how, it would be subtle. You have a shield around you. I don't know how strong it is, but it's strong enough that my power isn't working on you. I only know it's there because, in my case, a lack of evidence is indicative."

Still somewhat confused, it seemed relevant to say, "Edward can't read my mind."

Eleazar laughed. "He must hate that!" he joked.

_You have no idea_, I thought.

"What about Alice and Jasper? Are they blocked too?" he asked. His eyes were alight with curiosity.

"Not that I know of," I said. I noticed out of the corner of my eye that Kate was nonchalantly creeping closer to me. My instinct was to step away from her, but it seemed rude, so I stood my ground and continued speaking to Eleazar. "Alice has mentioned before that the future can be blurry when it comes to me, but she said it was because I'm still young and unpre–" I stopped suddenly because Kate was touching me. She just had one finger, the index on her right hand, pressed to my upper arm. She was eyeing me expectantly, but I wasn't sure what she was waiting for.

"Kate, stop it!" Irina scolded.

"Why?" she asked. "It's obviously not doing anything." Her brow furrowed in concentration as she pushed her finger harder against me.

"Um…" I said. "What's going on?" I glanced around, looking for answers, but everyone just seemed different mixtures of contemplative and embarrassed.

Irina was all embarrassment. "Kate's trying to shock you. It's her gift; she can electrocute people, humans and vampire both, with varying degrees of pain."

"You should be on the floor screaming right now," Kate said offhandedly, still over-concentrated on where her finger met my arm.

Even though it wasn't working, knowing Kate was trying to torture me was awkward, and I wanted her to stop. I stepped away, and thankfully, she let me, sighing as she dropped her hand.

"Do you think you could give me a piece of that shield?" Irina asked sardonically. "I could use a break from Kate's tyranny."

"I don't think it works that way," I said. But then again, I didn't know it worked any way until about a minute ago.

"We can look into it," Eleazar offered with a kind smile.

"Eleazar used to work with the Volturi," Carlisle explained. "He helped discover talented vampires, and worked to bring out their potential."

"Okay," I agreed, somewhat still uneasy about the idea that I had a gift. But I guess now that I knew about it, it only made sense to try to figure out how to use it. Emmett would love to hear that there was a possibility he could be shielded from Edward thoughts during any number of the games they played, and maybe I could find a way to cover Edward from everyone's thoughts for a bit when he needed his peace and quiet.

I smiled, thinking he'd like that. "Okay!" I agreed again, this time with more enthusiasm.

Carlisle and Esme were invited to bring their things in and set up in one of the two guest rooms upstairs. I gathered that the other guest room would be going to Alice and Jasper, and Kate was temporarily bunking with Irina so Emmett and Rose could have her room. It still felt strange to me that vampires had bedrooms, considering we don't sleep, but then again, I guess made sense that someone would want their own space. As they brought in the few possessions they'd brought with them, Esme offered to bring in my things too.

"Oh! You don't have to," I jumped to brush off. "I can just leave my stuff in the car for now." It didn't seem like a much different option from when I'd had everything tucked away in a hall closet back in Forks, but Esme wouldn't have it.

"Bella, honey, it will be so much easier to just keep things in the rooms upstairs. Especially if Edward wants to take his car anywhere," Esme said. I was torn briefly between the impulse to not want to inconvenience Carlisle and Esme, and the equal urge to not inconvenience Edward. I had to admit, Esme's point made more sense than anything I rationalized to myself.

"Okay," I agreed, "Where should I put everything?"

Esme helped me bring in my clothes and my books, and I got set up with a drawer and some closet space. I got a little chocked up about having a drawer again, and I felt for a moment that I really did understand the whole bedroom thing. But then I also reminded myself that I was still in thirsty mood swing territory, and nothing I felt could be trusted until I went hunting again– hopefully with Edward.

Once everything was hung or folded, I went back downstairs. Kate was still eyeing me like I was a mystery, and I wondered if it was because of my newfound gift or something else.

Carmen and Eleazar were talking about taking Carlisle and Esme into town, but they were worried that by the time everyone else got back, it would be too close to dark for the drive to be worth it.

"Go now!" Kate said with too much enthusiasm. "We'll watch Bella!" she offered. There was a glint in her eye that I recognized from having seen it on Alice. She was scheming something, but the excitement hinted more at amusement than malice, and I was inclined to believe she wasn't scheming anything _bad_.

"I don't know," Carlisle said uneasily.

"You should go," I insisted. I hated feeling like a child that needed to be watch over, and I didn't want the mere fact that I existed to throw off anyone's plans.

Carlisle seemed surprised at my response, and I thought he might have been shocked that I was willing to be left alone with near-strangers when I had a reputation of even avoiding the few people I knew.

I was prepared to argue, but he nodded. "Okay. To town, then," he said to Eleazar. Then, turning to me, he asked, "Are you sure you'll be okay?"

I smiled as convincingly as I could. "I'll be on my best behavior," I promised with a slightly mocking tone. "And I'll go hunting as soon as everyone gets home," I added more solemnly.

Carlisle nodded. "Alright. Well you girls have fun."

They gathered their things and left, taking Carlisle's just-unpacked car.

The second they were gone, Kate turned on me.

"So you didn't know you had a gift," she started, like she was leading into something. "That's weird. Has anything like that ever happened to you before?" she probed. "Anything _weird_?"

I was taken aback, and didn't entirely understand her question. "Um, what?"

Irina cut in, annoyed at her sister. "Kate thinks there's something strange and exciting about you that everyone is keeping a secret. She won't let it go."

"Irina!" Kate complained. "Now I'll never get it out of her!"

I was suddenly very self-conscious, though I wasn't sure where they'd gotten the idea that I had a secret.

I was thankful for a moment when Irina changed the subject. "There's nothing to get out of anyone, Kate." She insisted. "I can't believe I have to share a room with you," she muttered.

"Well you could always move in with Tanya instead," Kate teased defiantly.

Irina smiled and quipped back, "but then where would Edward sleep?"

They both laughed, and I froze. For the first time since I'd been turned into a vampire, I felt _cold_. I almost didn't manage to repress the shiver that threatened my spine, but I caught it before it gave me away.

'_but then where would Edward sleep?'_ the words replayed in my head like I'd hit an instant replay button. _'where would_ Edward_ sleep?' 'where would Edward _sleep_?'_

Vampires didn't sleep, which left only one interpretation of Irina's words.

"Hey, you okay there?" Kate asked. I had stopped paying attention after 'where would Edward sleep,' and was lost.

"What?" I asked, blinking rapidly and trying to stop the question from continuing to play over and over in my head.

"You spaced out," Kate explained. "Are you sure you don't get visions or something, like Alice? She spaces out like that too."

God, I hoped the image I had in my head wasn't a vision.

"Hey," Irina said, snapping her fingers in front of my face. "Are you gone again?"

"No," I promised. "Sorry, I'm just…" but I didn't have a feeling to put into it, and I couldn't get away with saying 'tired' like I had when I was a human.

Kate looked excited. "Are you going to freak out on us? Is this part of the big secret? What do your elf eyes see?" Kate teased.

"Really? Lord of the Rings?" Irina asked.

"It was relevant!" Kate protested. "And don't pretend you don't love those movies."

"I'm not seeing anything," I cut in. "Really. I just spaced out because it's been a long couple of days and I haven't had anything to drink in a while, and it's making me feel a little funny." My answer was incredibly reasonable, and sounded true even to my ears. It _was_ true, technically. Thankfully, they believed it.

"We can take you out to hunt now, if you want," Irina offered, looking concerned.

"No, I'm fine, really," I insisted.

"I know!" Kate said, jumping up from her place on the sofa. "Let's get you in a bubble bath! The new tub upstairs is wonderful! It even has water jets with massage settings. You'll love it!"

I was going to protest, but honestly, a bubble bath sounded like heaven right about now, and it would probably help me untangle some of the anxious knots in my stomach. So I let Kate and Irina drag me upstairs and set up the bath.

Once it was running and everything seemed to be functioning how it should, they handed me a couple of towels and made to leave.

"Whenever you're done, just push this button to drain it," Kate explained, gesturing to one of the buttons on the panel with all the jet controls.

"And if everyone isn't back by the time you're out, maybe we can take you hunting then," Irina added kindly.

"Thanks guys," I said, grateful for everything, but still somewhat uncomfortable to be looked after.

"No problem." Irina said. "Besides, we wouldn't want to leave you high and dry if you're thirsty, and God knows when Tanya will finally bring Edward back," she added with a laugh. My heart sank again.

"If she ever brings him back," Kate chimed in, "now that she has him all alone in the woods."

I could tell from their tones that they were joking, and Esme had said when we were unpacking that Tanya and Edward were out with _all_ my siblings, so I knew they weren't actually _alone_ in the woods, but I was filled with jealous rage again as they ushered themselves out of the bathroom. I got into the scalding hot tub, pleased that the temperature couldn't hurt me while still managing to sink into my bones.

The warmth of the water and the thick blanket of pinkish bubbles were a welcome distraction, but I didn't manage to turn my mind all the way from Edward. Sometimes I felt like my mind was never turned entirely from him anymore. He was off in the woods with one of the most beautiful girls I'd ever seen, and if she was anything like her sisters, she was probably also as kind and helpful as they were. It bothered me to think that hadn't even met Tanya and I felt such animosity towards her. It also bothered me to think that I could easily ask Kate or Irina to explain where all the jokes about Tanya and Edward were coming from, but I was too afraid to. Instead, I dunked my head under the water and hid from the world like the coward I was.

Would today ever get any better? Every time I got my hopes up for something going well, it backfired on me.

I stayed in the bath a long time, and by the time I got out, most of the bubbles were gone and the water had cooled a few degrees. I was pleased, though not at all surprised, to find that my fingers and toes weren't pruny at all. My thoughts were running themselves around in circles, thinking about Edward and Tanya and wondering where they were and what was taking them so long to get back. The jealous part of my brain refused to acknowledge that they were with four other people and hadn't really been gone an unreasonably long time.

I also couldn't seem to stop obsessing over how _pretty_ Tanya was. As I dried off, I looked at my flat brown hair and thought about her long strawberry curls. I wrapped my hair up in the other towel Kate and Irina had given me to try to stop the comparison, but I only succeeded in picking out other things to compare. While become a vampire had definitely made me more beautiful than I'd ever been in my plain, shapeless human life, I still didn't hold a candle to Tanya's perfect facial features and ideal figure. Her angelic giggle played in my head, and I couldn't imagine a purer, more sweetly feminine sound.

I scowled. Trudging back to the bedroom, I shuffled through my clothes to find something I wanted to wear. My eyes turned to the closet with a thought. I'd kept the blue dress Alice had bought me, and it was hanging just in there. It was a pretty dress, and even I thought I'd looked pretty in it when Alice had me try it on– the only time I'd ever worn it. I wondered what Edward would think if he came back and I was wearing my cute little blue dress. I wondered if he would think I was pretty. He'd never seen me in that or any other dress before, and maybe the sight would catch his eye and he wouldn't run off with Tanya again.

I mentally hit myself. He hadn't _run off_ with Tanya, and I was almost definitely imagining this romantic rivalry.

Unless I wasn't. I still couldn't make sense of Irina and Kate's jokes from earlier unless they hinted at some sort of romantic history. Did vampires have ex's? Edward told me that vampires essentially mated for life. Well, specifically, he told me that when they fell in love, it was permanent. It was one of the many reasons I didn't want to enable him falling in love with me. But I'd also learned that the sisters here had had many different lovers, most of them human, and I wondered what sort of connection they had with their partners.

I tried, very hard, not to wonder if Edward had been one of those partners. He told me he had never been in love, but being in love wasn't necessarily a prerequisite for the things people in love did. My mind felt flooded. Had Edward ever kissed her? Held her? I groaned helplessly as I thought of the places he might have touched her, and I had to physically sit myself on the floor, still wrapped only in a towel, as I was forced to wonder if he _had_ ever taken her to bed.

I felt sick and small and horrible as I pulled my legs to my chest and hugged them hard. Even if any of the thoughts in my head were things that had really happened, I knew I couldn't blame him for his life before I knew him. He was so much older than me, he might have had lovers before I was even _born_. No, what was important was that he told me he had never been in love before, and that vampires only fell in love once, and that he had fallen in love with me.

I wanted to hit my head against the wall. _I don't want Edward to be in love with me!_ I tried to remind myself. But I knew as I thought the words that they weren't true. _I shouldn't want Edward to be in love with me_, I edited, scolding myself. If I wasn't going to love him, then I shouldn't want him to love me. Fighting Tanya for Edward's affection wasn't a game. It was his life. I told myself I wouldn't let it be a game. I told myself I wouldn't do anything that would play with my emotions or Tanya's or especially not Edward's.

And then, because I was a lot less strong-willed than I thought I was, I reached into the closet and pulled out my pretty blue dress.

* * *

**So pretty much as soon as Bella talked herself out of being undue-ly jealous, she then gets unintentionally talked back into it.**

**Also, I'm super enjoying Irina and Kate as characters. I think I might be really butchering who they were in the books, but it's too late to care now!**


	56. Chapter 56

Edward:

After showing us some of the best hunting grounds in the area for the season and giving a general tour, Tanya was leading us back towards the house. In her mind, she was considering letting everyone else run ahead so that she could take me to her more personal places– the places she went when she wanted to be alone. There was the vague implication that _anything_ could happen alone in the woods without the others around, but the main channel of her thoughts really was to just introduce me to her favorite places so I had somewhere to run when the house got too noisy.

I'd assure her later that I would be able to find my own quiet places when I had to get out of the house for silence, though it was very kind of her to think about how overwhelmed I'd likely get in a house with twelve minds to read. I hadn't mentioned yet that I only had eleven minds to read, because Bella's was closed off from me. I hadn't meant to keep the information secret at all, but it hadn't come up, and I wasn't interested in steering any conversation to Bella that didn't need to be, at least not right now when I had no idea what was going on between us.

We made it back to the house and I noticed that Carlisle, Esme, Carmen, and Eleazar were gone. I felt relief when I heard Bella laughing inside, because for a moment I wasn't sure if she had left with them too or not. We all came into the living room, interrupting some funny story Kate was telling about a grocery store clerk. Bella had been laughing, but she glanced up at us, met my eye for a fraction of a second, and then looked away too quickly.

My mood plummeted, and I plopped down in an armchair as far away from her as I could be while still in the same room. I couldn't bring myself to look away from her, though. She was wearing the blue dress I'd seen only in Alice's visions, and she looked beautiful in it. That particular shade of blue was her perfect color, and the dress was so finely made and finely fit, she looked amazing in it. I wondered why she was wearing it, though.

"Tanya! I was just telling Bella the garbanzo bean story!" she said excitedly. "I can start over if you all want to hear it," she offered with a grin. I could pick out of the minds of the sisters that the story was about a cute human boy at the market getting flustered by them and accidentally creating a huge mess.I could see how it could have been funny, but I didn't think I had room in me for humor just now. Seeing that Bella was ignoring me again popped my mood like a needle to a balloon. And to top it off, she had gone from laughing and smiling to folding in on herself self-consciously just because I came into the room.

I stood up to leave, not wanting to deal with the feelings I was feeling when Irina stopped me. "Edward, Bella promised Carlisle she'd go hunting with you when you came back. Apparently they didn't find anything the first time."

My gaze shot to Bella, who still was determined to not make eye contact with me. Everyone turned to look at Bella as the silence between us became noticeable, and I realized the three sisters were confused, both by Bella's obvious dislike of me, and that I would be the one burdened with taking her hunting when we so obviously didn't get along.

As she glanced up, trying to remain inconspicuous in her continued attempt to ignore me, I noticed she stared a little too long at Tanya, and it occurred to me that the two of them hadn't yet been introduced.

That wasn't why she was staring at her, though.

_Edward_, Jasper thought, just to make sure I was paying attention. It was unnecessary. I had already noticed what Jasper was thinking. I already knew what he was sensing. Insecurity and jealousy were rolling off Bella in waves, and Jasper was worried by the intensity of it.

_She's _jealous_!_ I thought, incredulous. _Bella is_ jealous_ of Tanya!_ It felt like a stupid thing to be excited over, but I was excited nonetheless. Jealousy came from feelings of possession, so for Bella to be jealous of Tanya, it almost certainly meant she'd been feeling possessive of me!

I wondered if this explained all of Bella's behavior towards me since she got here. I ran through the events of earlier, and wanted to hit myself. The very first thing Bella would have seen when she arrived was Tanya pulling me into the house and whispering in my ear. _I_ knew if hadn't meant anything, but Bella hadn't. _I_ knew Tanya was only whispering about her sister, but what did Bella imagine she had said? And then I'd spent the whole afternoon out with Tanya and my siblings. If I had known, if I'd even had an inkling, I would have waited here for her to come back with Carlisle instead. No, I would have chased her and Carlisle down, and maybe coerced Carlisle into heading back.

Bella, noticing that everyone was looking at her, shrank deeper into herself and muttered. "Don't worry, I'm not thirsty."

I certainly wasn't prepared to let her get out of her apparent promise to Carlisle that easy, but I didn't have to convince her to leave with me. Jasper did it for me.

"You're lying," he said. It wasn't an accusation, but a flat statement. "I can feel how thirsty you are, and it's not safe to play with that," he scolded.

"Sorry," she muttered. "You're right. I need to drink something. I don't feel right," she admitted.

I walked over to her and extended my hand. "Let's go, then."

She sighed heavily, and with a defeated look, put her hand in mine and let me pull her to her feet. Not wanting to test my luck, I let go of her once she was standing. Unwillingly, too unwillingly, she followed me to the front door, and trudged through it as I held it open for her.

So she wasn't excited to be leaving with me like I had hoped she would be. That was alright. We were going to have at least a couple hours together for me to fix that.

* * *

**Who's excited? :D**


	57. Chapter 57

**I feel the need to apologize, because this is not the chapter it seems people are expecting. Tomorrow, though! Get your hopes up now and I promise it won't be in vain!  
**

* * *

Tanya:

Edward's siblings, my sisters, and I settled down in the living room after Edward and Bella's tense exit. Everyone seemed prepared to avoid the subject of what was wrong with them except for Kate, who sensed a scandal and obviously wanted the details.

I had to admit, I was curious too. I hadn't really met Bella, but I couldn't imagine that was how she acted around everyone, and if she and Edward were so at odds with each other, why was he shouldered with the responsibility of taking her hunting? Maybe it was because only he could read her mind, making it safer for him to be alone with her.

But Alice could see the future, and Carlisle had been out with her by himself just earlier today. I distantly remembered when Eleazar had told us all that there was a new Cullen. He had just gotten off the phone with Carlisle and he conveyed to us what he'd been told: Carlisle inexplicably created a new vampire, and the household was in chaos over it. Perhaps Edward was the only one of his siblings to offer his help. It certainly seemed like the kind of gentlemanly thing he'd do.

Now that he was gone, I could think of all sorts of ungentlemanly things I'd like him to do to me.

"You're barking up the wrong tree," Jasper said. I turned to face him, realizing I'd been staring at the door they left through. Between my lingering gaze and the feelings accompanying my thoughts, it wouldn't have been hard for him to guess what I was thinking.

"Yes, yes," I said, brushing off his warning. "I know what you all think, but there's no rule against me trying to charm an unattached man. You all seem to be under the impression that Edward is impervious to women, but I don't buy it."

Emmett laughed. "Oh, trust me, we all know now that Edward isn't impervious to women."

His sentence confused me. "What do you mean, you know _now_?" I asked

Jasper answered for him, "He means you're too late. Edward isn't 'unattached' anymore."

I was shocked, but Kate was the first to voice it. "What? Who?" she demanded.

"Why isn't she here with him?" I added.

Jasper raised an eyebrow at me, silently implying I was missing something obvious, and the answer dawned on me. "The newborn? That can't be possible! If they're together, why does she act the way she does around him? I was thinking she must hate him."

Alice tried to explain, "Well they aren't really together. It's complicated."

"The hell it's complicated!" Emmett protested, turning to me to continue, "Edward is head over heels for Bella, but Bella is so freaked out about it that she can barely be in the same room with him without getting a panic attack!"

"Really?!" I exclaimed. Though it seemed a little unreasonable, it was also kind of funny in a Schadenfreude kind of way. Poor Edward.

Alice sighed. "That's it in a nutshell, yeah. Though I maintain that it's more complicated."

"Oh no!" Irina said, slapping a hand over her mouth. "That explains so much!"

Kate must have understood what she meant, because she groaned too.

"What did you two do?" Rose asked, half worried but half amused. She, much like us, enjoyed these kinds of antics every now and then.

"We didn't _do_ anything," Kate protested. "But we may have _said_ a few things," she admitted.

"When everyone was gone, we were sort of making jokes about Edward and Tanya," Irina explained. "We wouldn't have if we had known!"

Jasper laughed. "Well that explains the intensity of the jealousy she was feeling when we came back."

I turned on my sisters. "You guys!" I complained. "Now she's never going to like me! She thinks I'm after her man."

Kate laughed. "To be fair, you _are_ after her man," she pointed out.

"Not if he's taken!" I argued back. Sure, it was a let down to learn that Edward was off the market, but if he'd really found someone, if he was in _love_, I wouldn't want to take that from him. After all these years of him being totally alone, not even getting his feet wet in the affairs of love, I could only be glad for him to learn that he had someone.

Poor boy, if only that someone didn't seem to hate him at the moment. That couldn't be easy to deal with.

"I knew something was going on with that girl," Kate asserted, happy to finally have her gossip. "So is there a pool running on how long it takes for them to get together, because I would want in on that."

Emmett was excited at the idea. "I tried to bet with Jasper when we found out, but he was all caught up in the weird mood of the house and wouldn't be fun with me."

"I also didn't want to incur the wrath of rejected Edward. 'Hell hath no fury,' you know," Jasper added.

"Ha! So you admit Edward is a woman!" Emmett said, seemingly relating back to an earlier disagreement.

"Emmett, we all participated in girls' night in. It's time to let it go," Jasper said.

"Yeah, but look at how emotional and mood-swingy Edward is being recently! Or even not recently, he's always had the sensitivity of a woman, and it's only gotten worse since– Ow!" Rosalie had hit him in the back of the head pretty hard.

Alice gasped, and we all turned to her. She was gazing off, not seeing the room for a second, then came back with an excited smirk. "Well, if you guys are still thinking about betting on the Edward/Bella situation, you might want to start now," she warned with a devious smile. "I can't see how it'll end, but _something_ is about to go down out there with the two of them!"

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**Sorry for the cliffhanger, I guess. But tomorrow's chapter is shaping up to be like 3,000 words (which is long for this story, which is sorta sad, haha), so hopefully that will make people feel better :)**

**Kate and Emmett are definitely opening up a betting pool. Alice isn't invited.**

**Also, Schadenfreude is a German loanword for the "****pleasure derived by someone from another person's misfortune," which includes laughing at people when they fall on their face, ect.**


	58. Chapter 58

**Here you go!  
**

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Bella:

Edward was running a few steps ahead of me, even though he had slowed his pace to not leave me behind. I was running slower than usual, being extra careful about where I put my feet and how I distributed my weight. I didn't think Edward would stoop so low as to mock me if I tripped (again), but it would completely ruin the illusion that I was every bit as beautiful and graceful as any other, non-specific, pretty vampire. Edward turned around to glance back at me every now and then, and I could tell he was curious about why we were running so slowly. He was always curious about something.

The things I wanted were at war with each other again. I wanted to pretend Edward didn't exist and continue to not speak to him, but I also wanted to stop him and talk to him. Everything inside me felt jumbled and confused and unhappy, and I wanted to take Edward to one of the pretty, grassy fields we sometimes came across while hunting in Washington, sit him down, and just rant and vent and get everything off my chest. I wanted to go back to the little meadow he'd taken me to and just lie in the sun with him for a while. I wanted to curl up with him on our couch while we read. I wanted to sit next to him on his piano bench while he played my song.

If Edward ended up with Tanya, I probably wouldn't be able to do any of those things ever again. Not really. It wouldn't be the same.

_No_, I scolded myself. _Stop it. I'm being stupid_. And I was, technically, I wouldn't be able to do any of those things ever again anyway, because they all took place in Forks, and we were never going back.

I felt homesickness at the idea, but I wondered if the current of sadness was actually caused by missing Forks, or if it was just caused by missing Edward.

_I don't have to miss Edward,_ I thought. _He's literally right there_. But everything still felt so wrong. I couldn't shake the idea of Edward and Tanya liking each other, and though a part of me just wanted to find a way to thwart them and protect what was mine, another part reminded me that Edward wasn't actually _mine_ to begin with and it was entirely my fault. He'd offered himself to me and in response, I got his hopes up, then shattered them by running away, then yelled at him, and then topped it all off with ignoring him completely for several days, and only barely talking to him after that.

I didn't deserve Edward if I was going to string him along like this, I could hardly imagine deserving him at all. Regardless, in the war in my head, the side that wanted to let Edward go and not care what happened finally couldn't support itself anymore against the jealous, selfish side that couldn't bear the idea of him being with someone else. So I tried to rationalize. I liked Edward. I liked being around him and talking to him and holding his hand when we ran. I was jealous over Tanya, and I was scared to lose him. Those things meant I loved him. Those things _had to mean_ I loved him. I wanted to love him.

The last little sliver of kind, selfless Bella protested. What if I talked myself into loving him now, when I was confused and unsure and it was easy to imagine things, and realized one day that I didn't really love him at all? How much more would it hurt him to lose me after who know how long of pretending, instead of never having me? How much deeper would his feelings get if he thought they were being reciprocated? It wasn't fair to do that to him. It wasn't fair to keep him from a potential happiness with someone else on the fifty-fifty chance that one day I might love him.

I was going to do it, though. Sane Bella hated me for it, but Sane Bella barely existed anymore right now, and definitely had no control over this situation.

I was placing my bets. I was all in. I _would_ love Edward. I _wanted_ to.

I stopped running. It would take him a few moments to turn around a run back to me, so I used that time to steel my resolve. My stomach was wringing itself, my head was swimming, and I would have bet my knees were trembling, though I was pretty sure that was impossible for vampires. But I had to do this. I wouldn't lose my chance with Edward. I couldn't.

He approached me, confusion plain on his face. "Bella? What's wrong?" he asked.

I wouldn't answer. It was now or never. I closed the space between us, pushed myself up onto my toes, scrunched my face into a purse and pressed my lips to his.

He immediately wrapped his arms around me and pulled me tighter into his chest. His arms were wrapped so tightly around me, I could feel his palms press into the opposite sides of my waist and his fingers graze against my stomach. His lips moved desperately, but mine were frozen. I was frozen. I felt like I was standing on a razor's edge a thousand feet off the ground, and any movement would knock me off balance and send me plummeting. I was so afraid of what would happen if I let go, so I focused on not allowing myself to feel anything. I tried to stomp down everything, but my insides wouldn't stop stirring and sputtering.

It had barely started, and I was ready to cling to any sanity and reality I could find, but Edward pulled away and held me at arms length. I was breathing quick, shallow breaths, and I tried to stop them. I realized that my eyes were still closed, and I opened them. Edward was searching my face. I don't know what he was looking for, but he looked bewildered and guilty. I wanted to say something. I wanted to lie to him and tell him I was okay, but words were not currently a faculty I had control over.

"Bella?" he asked, worried. I realized that my face was still all puckered together, and I tried to straighten it out.

Edward sighed heavily. "What in the world are you doing, Bella?"

I forced myself to speak. "Kissing you," I answered as convincingly as I could.

Edward was not convinced. "You call _that_ kissing?" he quipped.

"I'll do better this time," I promised. I stepped forwards and raised my lips to meet his, but they were abruptly gone. I opened my eyes and he was standing a few steps back from me.

I stone fell into the pit of my stomach, and ice shot through my veins, but this wasn't the same jealousy from before. I didn't recognize this feeling.

"No, Bella," he said.

He didn't want me. Rejection: that was what I felt. My eyes prickled like I was going to cry, but I knew by now that the tears wouldn't come.

Edward looked pained, and he stepped forward to me to pull me into his embrace. I wanted to push him away and run from him, but I also wanted to stay like this forever. I couldn't decide which one I wanted more, so I put my hands on his chest, ready to push or ready to clutch if I ever decided.

Edward groaned. "Bella, I don't understand. Why are you doing this?"

"Because I want you," I responded feebly.

He groaned helplessly and pulled away to look at my face. My fingers tightened in his shirt so he couldn't get away from me.

I tried to look like I loved him. I tried to channel every good feeling I had about him– and there were quite a few– and let them show on my face and in my eyes.

He wasn't buying it. "Really, Bella. What's this really about?" he asked. I looked away, turning my gaze to the ground, and he prompted, "You can tell me."

Of course I could tell him. I could tell Edward anything. That was one of the reasons I couldn't miss my chance with him.

"I don't want to lose you," I admitted. There was a long, horrible moment of silence, and I didn't dare look up at his face. Was I already too late? Had he so quickly thrown me over for beautiful, lovely, perfect Tanya? Maybe he had given up on me before we even got here. Maybe my silence with him had been too long. Maybe I wasn't worth the trouble after all.

He put his hand on my chin and lifted my head. I didn't want to meet his eyes, but once they were in my field of view, it was like I couldn't look anywhere else.

"You aren't going to lose me," He assured me. "You can't."

"But you've been so patient and so nice and I've just blown you off and avoided you and I can't figure out how I feel about you no matter how much I try and it's not fair of me to leave you dangling like I have," I said, much too fast. The words flew freely out of my mouth once they started, and I would be surprised if Edward had even caught all of them.

He responded like he had. "I hate to break it to you, Bella, but love is rarely fair. I think it's cute how polite you're trying to be about leaving me hanging, but I don't want you to be with me because you're polite or selfless or afraid. If we end up together, I want it to be because you love me, too."

What he said made sense, and I was embarrassed that I'd thrown myself at him like I had. His most important words were at the end, though.

"You still love me?" I asked meekly.

Edward laughed, and I was suddenly very self-conscious. Was he going to say no? "Bella, don't be ridiculous! Of course I still love you." He pulled me back into his embrace, and this time, I wrapped my arms around him in return.

I wanted to believe him, but something was still nagging at me. "What about Tanya? She's beautiful, and she likes you a lot, and it would probably be easier to deal with her than me."

"Is that what you're worried about?" he asked incredulously, looking at my face again. "You think I'm going to give up on you and run off with Tanya?"

I bit my lip. That was exactly what I was worried about.

"No, Bella. Never," he promised solemnly.

"But she really likes you. You wouldn't have to sit around waiting and wondering whether it was ever going to work out. You shouldn't have to."

"Bella, trust me, I don't want what Tanya is offering. I've been turning her down for years."

Now I did push him away. "Years?!" I demanded.

He was instantly apprehensive. "Bella, I think you're missing the point."

"She's been after you for _years_? Why didn't you tell me?!" I was so angry. It seemed irrational, but I didn't care.

"There's nothing to tell, Bella. Tanya is nothing more than a friend," he placated.

"A ridiculously gorgeous strawberry blonde friend who's apparently been in love with you for years," I countered. "How am I supposed to compete with that?" All of the fears that I'd been struggling with all day came flooding back to me, but this time, they weren't just vague possibilities. This time my imagined rival wasn't imaginary, and it made it a hundred times worse.

"First off, Tanya isn't in love with me. The only relationship she's ever tried to get out of me was a physical one. Secondly–"

"Physical? What do you mean, physical?" I asked. He sighed and closed his eyes like he wished he hadn't said that, and it clicked in my head. "Oh," was my lame response. So all of it was true, then. Everything I'd been trying to stop myself from even considering before.

"Bella," he pleaded. He tried to reach for me, but I stepped away from him. My brain was running too fast for me to deal with again. I was trying to think straight, but all I was coming up with was the idea of him and her together.

"Physical," I said again. It made perfect sense. He was as perfect and beautiful as a marble sculpture of Adonis, and she was some sort of Russian Aphrodite. In my mind's eye, I could see them kissing. The whole thing was as flawless as a Michelangelo painting, and I wanted to scream.

Edward tried to touch me again. He moved to grab my hand in his. I only intended to pull my hand from him, but the next thing I knew, I was flying through the snowy forest. I didn't know where I was going.

I was tripping over the snow, but I couldn't find it in myself to care anymore. Running usually helped clear my mind, but now it was only churning my inner turmoil. I felt like I was going crazy. I probably was going crazy, honestly.

I passed a scent as I ran. It wasn't familiar, but it was inviting. More inviting than deer had ever been. I remembered then how thirsty I was. I hadn't had anything to drink in days.

I took off after the smell, letting my instincts guide me. The promise of blood filled my mind, and I was willing to let it if that meant getting rid of the images of Edward and Tanya. I was surprised to find a grizzly bear at the end of the trail, but surprise didn't stop me from sinking my teeth into its neck without a second thought.

The bear was so much larger than a deer, or even a mountain lion, and the blood seemed to just keep coming. It thrashed against me, but I had attacked it from it's back, and it couldn't reach me with it's heavy claws. I drank and I drank and slowly the bear stumbled forward and sank into the snow.

When it finally ran dry, I let go of its corpse and slumped against a tree. For a second, my mind was empty of everything except the relief in my throat. But then I thought of Edward again.

The blood had cleared up some of the haze in my mind. I had been so angry with him, and I couldn't figure out why. I went back over our conversation. He told me he loved me, he told me I couldn't lose him, he told me he'd turned down Tanya time and time again. Why was I upset? Was it just the thirst that had been driving me crazy?

Edward found me there. He didn't approach me, and didn't make eye contact. He was probably only here because I still wasn't supposed to be left alone. I felt like an idiot for how I'd treated him.

"Edward," I said to get his attention. He looked at me hesitantly, like he was expecting another storm. I pushed myself away from the tree and walked toward him. He turned his body to me as I approached, and a spark of hope lit up in his eyes. I stopped short of throwing my arms around him– not sure if I could expect his forgiveness – but I reached forward and grabbed his hand.

I twined our fingers together, and staring at them, said, "Sorry. I don't know what came over me. Thirst or… or jealousy or something. I don't know," I admitted.

Edward brought our joined hands up and kissed the back of mine.

"It's okay," he assured me.

I sighed. I was still comparing myself to Tanya in the back of my mind.

Edward noticed. "What's wrong?" he asked.

I wasn't sure if I wanted to answer, but I knew how badly Edward hated it when I avoided questions, and he was looking at me so lovingly it was hard to ignore him.

"I can't figure out how _you_ could love _me_," I said.

Edward laughed. "How could I not? You're selfless and kind and smart and beautiful. You're perfect, Bella. Of course I love you."

I laughed too, but I did so because his description of me was so unbalanced.

"Well you sound a little biased in the matter," I told him. "I guess it makes sense. People can almost never see the flaws in the one they love. I can hardly find anything wrong with you," I said.

Edward stared at me, shocked for a moment. I didn't get it, but before I could think back, the shock turned to a grin, which he then desperately tried to get rid of. He ended up looking like he was smirking and trying not to laugh. I tried not to focus on how handsome he was with his features all lit up, and struggled to think about what I'd said. I said he was jaded, that he couldn't see my flaws because he loved me, and that I couldn't see his flaws because…

"You know what," I retracted. "Now that I think about it, you have plenty of flaws."

He was still smirking at me. "Oh do I?" he challenged.

"Yes! You do! You're too full of yourself, for one," I said. His smile widened, and I struggled to think of more things to say. "And you mope a lot, sometimes," I concluded anticlimactically.

He laughed. "'A lot, sometimes?'" he questioned. "I must be very good at moping and not moping simultaneously," he teased.

"Too full of yourself," I reiterated, though now I was smiling a little too, beside myself. His good mood was infectious.

"I suppose you're right," he conceded, pretending to become solemn. "And you know, maybe you do have a flaw too." His tone was pre-empting another joke.

I gave it to him, mostly out of curiosity. "And what would that be?"

He smiled, thanking me for playing along, and tapped my nose. "You're too adorable when you're flustered."

He smiled when I got flustered again. "_I'm_ too adorable? Oh no, you don't get to put that one on me when you look like a _flawless_ marble statue of a _flawless_ ancient God!" I argued.

The wide grin was back, and I realized what I'd said.

I tried to throw him off. "Also, flaw: you trick me into saying things I think that I don't want to say out loud!" I protested.

He bit his tongue to stop himself from laughing and smiled at me. Ugh, what had I said now?

"So you really do think that?" he asked. I wanted to say no and shut down this conversation, but there was so much light in his eyes. Besides, I didn't want to _lie_ to him. I could try to play it down, though.

"Of course I think that. Does anybody not think that? It's not special that I've noticed how good looking you are." He thought about that for a second, then shrugged and returned to smiling at me. It looked more peaceful now than it did before.

I sighed and shook my head. "Can we go back now? Before I manage to say more embarrassing things…"

"I don't know," he teased. "I'm sort of enjoying this conversation."

"Well then you can finish it by yourself," I asserted. "I'm going back." I tried to pull my hand from his, I'd been holding it this entire time without really thinking about it, but he gripped it tighter.

"We'll run together," he offered.

Well, I wasn't going to fight him on that.

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**This was also one of the first chapters I wrote when I wrote the outline- well, part of it was anyway- and it's so nice to finally have it up!**


	59. Chapter 59

**Cutesy chapter! It was fun to write! **

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Bella:

We ran back towards the house, but Edward stopped us.

"We should probably get more blood in you before we go home," he suggested, frowning at himself.

I wanted to argue against the idea– the bear had been so large that its blood was sloshing in my stomach as we ran– but I also wanted to stay out with Edward longer.

"Sure," I agreed. He smiled at me. He had probably been expecting me to argue. Pulling me by the hand, he led me in another direction. We quickly found a couple caribou, and I reluctantly drained the blood out of one. I wiped the excess blood off my mouth with the back of my hand, and licked it. Then I straightened my dress, which had gotten tangled, but thankfully remained unbloodied.

Edward was watching me appreciatively when I looked back at him.

"What?" I asked.

"Why are you wearing that dress?" he asked, smirking like he knew.

I sidestepped the question. "Why? Is there something wrong with it?" I asked, pulling out the hem so the skirt fanned out.

The look he gave me was burning. "No," he rasped. "No, there's definitely nothing wrong with it."

I shrank under his gaze, it was so intense. He noticed, and shook it off. His smile turned polite, and apologetic.

"It's a very nice dress," he said casually. "And…" he trailed off, and looked at me warily.

"And?" I prompted. I wanted to know what he had been going to say.

"Nothing," he answered, shaking his head to get rid of the thought.

I sighed. "Really?" I asked. "That's how we're going to do this?"

He smiled sheepishly at me. "I don't want to say anything that will make you uncomfortable," he admitted.

I approached him, and grabbed his hand again. "You don't make me uncomfortable, Edward." I told him. He looked down at me, one eyebrow raised, so I continued, "Really. I've never been more comfortable in anyone's company all my life– human or vampire."

He grinned at me. He was so beautiful when he grinned.

"So what were you going to say?" I asked.

He sighed in defeat. "It's a very nice dress," he repeated. "And you look very beautiful in it."

"Oh!" I responded. My eyes dropped to the floor, embarrassed by the compliment. I bit my lip, but my cheeks were pulling my mouth into a little, pleased smile.

Edward sighed. He put his hand under my chin. "This is why I didn't want to tell you," he said, pulling my face up. "I– Oh! You're smiling!" he said when he saw me. His surprise made me smile wider, and he smiled back.

His hand, from under my chin, gently ran up the side of my face and back down. My skin burned where he touched me, and tingled after his fingers passed.

He was looking at me, trying to figure something out. I was going to ask what, but he answered before I could.

"Do you like it when I say things like that to you?" he asked. Of course, what he was trying to figure out were my reactions. First I'm ignoring him, not touching him or letting him touch me, then I'm kissing him, then I'm running from him, and now I'm smiling at him like he's the most beautiful thing I'd ever seen– which he was . I could imagine I'd confused him.

"Who doesn't like hearing that they're beautiful?" I answered noncommittally. His brow furrowed at my evasive answer. I felt bad, this was exactly the kind of leading on I didn't want to inflict on him. I pulled away, his one hand fell from my face, and I removed my hand from his other.

I missed the contact immediately, and Edward sighed like he did too.

I decided the best course of action was to answer him honestly. "Yes, I like it, but I'm worried that I'm stringing you along and I can't promise where any of this is going to end up," I admitted.

Edward smiled, but it didn't touch his eyes. "You're not stringing me along, Bella. If anything, I'm stringing myself along," he said. I opened my mouth to argue, but he continued. "Regardless, all I want is for you to be honest with me. Thank you."

"Honesty?" I asked. He nodded. "Okay," I assented. "Honestly, I'm only wearing this blue dress because it's pretty and I wanted you to think I was as pretty as Tanya," I admitted, staring at my feet.

After a stunned moment, Edward laughed. I laughed a little too. It was sort of funny, in a ridiculous way.

Edward cautiously took my hand again, and I was glad for it. "Bella, you are the most beautiful…" he shook his head, like he couldn't even finish his thought. "Yes, Bella, you look very pretty. Prettier than Tanya. Prettier than anything," he assured me.

I couldn't not smile. In a moment of compulsion, I put my free hand on one side of his face, and reached up on my toes to kiss his other cheek.

He stared at me wide-eyed and slack-jawed for a second, but his expression melted into a loving smile. His trailed his fingers over the place on his face where I'd kissed him.

"I love you," he whispered.

I bit my lip in response. Did I love him? Right now I felt like I might. I opened my mouth to say something, not sure what it would be. Edward put his finger on my lip to stop me.

"You don't have to say anything," he told me. I was glad. "Let's go back to the house," he suggested. He took his finger off my mouth, and I missed the feel of it. For a wild moment, I wanted to kiss him– _really_ kiss him. But I remembered the frantic craze kissing him led to, and I realized that would probably be a bad idea now.

"Okay," I agreed.

He kept my hand as we ran. I liked it.

Did I love Edward? Maybe this was all just some sort of weird, jealous reaction to seeing him with Tanya. Regardless, I didn't have to give him– or myself – an answer. Not yet. I didn't want to mess everything up. I would wait until I was sure.

Edward squeezed my hand, and glanced at me while we ran. He was grinning again. Warmth flooded my stomach. He loved me.

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**So, bad news, it's finals week as of tomorrow (it starts on a Wednesday, what's up with that?) and I have a lot of studying do and papers to write and presentations to practice, so updates are going to be slow. I'll definitely be back by next week though, and hopefully it'll even out then :)**

**Thank you everyone for the lovely reviews! Sorry I haven't been taking the time to respond to too many people individually- it's the school work!**


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